Cancer
by Yemi Hikari
Summary: After the war Toshiro finds his world shattered. While it's true they won it still feels like everything is falling apart. The young taicho finds his stomach and head whirling, and his social anxieties peak. Most attribute his behavioral problems as his coping mechanism, but the continued issues rolling around his head say otherwise. (NaNoWriMo 2017)
1. Flowerless Graves

_Disclaimer – I don't own Bleach. This is my piece for NaNoWriMo 2015. The very long explanation as to where the idea for this particular story came from is at the end of the chapter for anyone whose interested._

 **Cancer  
 _Flowerless Graves_**

No flowers bloomed on graves, and no visitors came to said graves. The rain fell down the memorial markers washing away the dust and debris left over from the war. A small figure stood out in the rain staring at the grave stones as the rain came down twisting through the white locks, then down the youth's cheek to drip off his chin. Toshiro felt a pounding in his skull as his lips pushed together trying to put the thoughts in his head together.

His bright teal eyes narrowed as the rain from above stung his eyes like the tired feeling which tried washing over the young taicho. His bone thin hands hung down at his side as his eyes continued to look over the graves of the Shinigami who fell during the battle with the Quincy. Every muscle in his body ached, and yet he stood their standing as his mind tried understanding what went on around him.

Toshiro's mind remained numb as he tried fathoming the loss shown in front of him. One of his thin fingers twitched slightly as the chill settled down deep into his body as the rain drenched his clothing. Everything around him seemed gray and colorless, and a feeling settled deep down in the pit of his stomach as bile tried forcing its way up his throat. His lips felt slightly dry, but for some reason the urge to lick his lips wasn't enough to attempt to satiate the dry feeling.

The only thing he could do was stair as his mind remained mentally numb.

A soft voice came from behind, and yet the honey like sound didn't stir him from his stupor. A hand finally reached out to touch his shoulder, and yet he didn't at all stir. Finall he turned his head to see a familiar face with strawberry blond hair. Toshiro's mouth opened, but the name of the person didn't come right away. The name slipped from his lips after a few moments. "Matsumoto?"

The woman twirled the paper umbrella so that drops of water flew off. The woman's mouth pressed together indicating something was off, but the young taicho couldn't place what the woman was thinking or feeling. She stared at him almost as if she hoped he would be able to read what she was saying, but he simply didn't react. "You're soaking wet."

Toshiro stared at the woman wondering why she continued to look at him, and why she even wanted a response. His head hurt to much to think about what she was trying to get at or to listen to what ever his zampaktuo said in the back of his head. He expected Rangiku to say something else, but instead the woman reached out her free hand and turned him away from the grave. She watched as his eyes glazed over. "No."

"No what?" Toshiro turned his head back to look at her.

"You can't stay out here. You've got to come inside and warm up, change into some dry clothes." Her hand placed slight pressure on the middle of his back and for some reason he stepped forward. His mind hurt to much to think about the why, or the how. He walked in front of Matsumoto Rangiku allowing her to guide him back to their division, and then towards his home. His mouth didn't move, and his body didn't flinch. He simply remained distant.

Arriving outside of his quarters Rangiku set the umbrella down so her hand was free to slide the paper door open, and the hand on his middle of his back pushed him forward and inside. "I'm going to get you some dry clothing taicho."

Toshiro ignored the woman and simply sat down on the front of the bed staring at her as she bustled about the room gathering him clean clothing. A dusty smell drifted into the nose of the small taicho as he sat on the bed, and a sudden sneeze came out of his nose causing Rangiku to turn back to stare at him.

"Taicho..."

"I'm fine."

"You were out in the cold. You're soaking wet. You're also just sitting there without changing your clothes."

"I feel fine."

Rangiku came over and set down the set of clothing before reaching out a hand to ruffle the wet locks of hair hanging down in front his bright teal eyes. "Change your clothes. I'll bring you back something to eat." The door slipped open as she started to leave, but she paused turning her head. "Don't you leave."

The young taicho didn't move at first as he stared at the wall. Eventually though he moved without realizing it to change into the dry clothing and dropped the wet clothing onto the floor. He then crawled onto the top of the bed and pulled up one knee so the arm on the same side draped over in a semi-relaxed manner. The other leg stuck straight out as the taicho of the tenth division stared at the bookshelves.

The pain throbbed through his stomach and his head, the pain in his head being sharp while the nausea in his stomach simply wouldn't disappear. One of his thin boney fingers twitched as he continue to look at the white wall above the bookcase. His bright teal eyes finally drifted over to the doorway as if he hoped someone or somebody would step through the door. His mind drifted off wondering who he expected to come through the door.

A memory flickered through his mind, and he remembered that most of the people hea cared about were badly injured, or they ended up dead. Thus nobody would come through the door to see him. " _Emotions. I don't need them. I don't need to be..._ " Toshiro's bright teal eys narrowed as he sat there waiting. " _Why am I worried about someone coming through the door._ " The young taicho swallowed as the bile rose to his throat, but he swallowed it down.

An anxiety built in the pit of his stomach, and he stood up to head to the door despite the whispers in the back of his head indicating he shouldn't go. His hand reached out for the door only for the paper door to slide open. Rangiku stood holding a trey of food in one hand, and her eyes stared at the young taicho. The white haired youth simply stared at her as if nothing were happening, and finally she spoke up. "Where are you going?"

Toshiro simply stared at her, and her free hand nudged him back into the room before letting the door slide shut. Her mouth moved, but the words didn't seem to match up with the words coming out of her mouth. "It's still raining outside."

"So?"

Rangiku's pale blue eyes blinked a couple of times before she spoke up again. "Were you headed to the grave site again?"

Toshiro's lips pushed together as his head throbbed. "What of it?"

"You keep going out there for long hours."

The young taicho simply stared at the wall. "Do you remember what Kurotsuchi said?"

The tension in the room increased, and Rangiku leaned forward so her breath came as a whisper in Toshiro's ear. "Remember? I don't know what you're talking about."

"I know you remember Matsumoto. There is no way you couldn't remember." The young taicho stared at the woman, but a pinching feeling wouldn't leave his head. His lips pushed together as he tried thinking the situation out, but the mocking sound of Kurotsuchi Mayuri's voice rattled through his head.

" _There are negative effects from any treatment I give, and preliminary tests show there's something which will shorten your lifespan if not taken care of_ _if it already hasn't_ _. Thus I need to do more tests._ "

"Just let Kurotsuchi run some tests."

The young taicho felt himself freeze up, and he turned his head to look her. "As _if_ I'll let myself be a guinea pig for his experiments. I'm completely fine. Absolutely fine."

Toshiro's hands gripped the sheets tightly as his lips tightened. Rangiku set the trey of food down. "I need you to eat something. Please?"

" _What's the point when I'm dying?_ " The young taicho's mouth opened, but the thought process quickly fled his mind. He found himself swallowing back the frustration before pushing the trey of food off the edge of the bed causing it to crash onto the floor. The young taicho physically jumped when the woman jumped, and she stared at him as if he was a monster. Toshiro looked at the ground. "I think I'll just go to bed."

"What about this mess."

"I'll clean it up in the morning." Toshiro moved to where he was under the sheets pulling them over his head. A shiver ran down his spine as he heard Rangiku cleaning up the mess he made, but tiredness set in.

 _Author's note – The inspiration for this fic comes from a translation issue with chapter 664._

 _When chapter 664 was released a particular line was originally attributed to Toshiro, but later on said line was attributed to Mayuri._

 _Toshiro: My life was cut down many times, but I am still thankful for him saving my life.  
Mayuri: It came at the cost of their lifespan being greatly shortened, but... surely they wouldn't complain about something as trivial as as that to the person who gave them their lives back._

 _The main issue is we don't know whose speaking at that point. While it's true Mayuri was speaking until that point and the words may be a continuation of what he was saying, the line appears on a new page which composition wise favors Toshiro saying the line._

 _The second issue is we're talking about a writer whose known for purposefully misleading the readers. Take for example the place where Isshin's status in the Shiba clan is revealed. Both "I'm saying as such, although you're the proprietor branch of the shiba clan your flaws decimate the family" and "although you're but the head of a branch family of the Shiba clan your flaws decimate the family"_ are _correct translations._

 _Why?_

 _The word "branch family" in Japan is directly derived from the word "branch", meaning the same word is used. Thus we can't know which word the writer means without further context. The translation also depends on whether a particular hirigana is part of the word to the left, or part of the word to the right. The meaning of what is said changes based on this._

 _The reason people tossed out the first translation lies with the fact people_ assumed _Isshin was the uncle of the Kaien and his siblings, but we don't actually know who the uncle Kukaku and Ganju refer to are. People who believed said translation was right then decided if not the uncle then Isshin had to be a cousin, and yet if the translation is right Isshin could be a younger sibling of Kaien and still be a branch family – particularly if their father is dead. People keep assuming Kaien died_ before _Isshin disappeared, but truth is we_ don't _know._

 _I lean towards the first though because this leans more towards Rangiku's speaking style then does the second, and because the head of the main branch is culturally able to get away with a lot more then the branch families – hence why Byakuya's able to adopt Rukia with no objections._

 _In this case I'm leaning towards the first. I think people threw out the first translation because the sentence made no sense to the translators. I don't know if it's because most people don't speak that way, or if they couldn't figure out what Toshiro was referring to. Not only did the manner of speech fit Toshiro, he's also referring to the fact he was placed into a mental loop where he was constantly being killed. In the same regard Mayuri said prior to this line, "they should be good as new", but having ones lifespan cut short isn't "good as new". On top of this Mayuri comes across as surprised that he's being thanked._

 _But what if it is Mayuri saying it? The details were vague regarding what he meant, so this fic was born._


	2. Waking to Misery

**Cancer  
** _ **Waking Misery**_

Something woke the young taicho up, and he felt a stiffness in his neck which wouldn't go away. The headache and nausea from the day before still remained. Toshiro sat up and looked at the front of the bed as his eyes drooped and stung from the grogginess remaining in the back of his head. Two bright teal eyes closed slowly a couple of times. " _There is something I am forgetting._ " A pause in thought came. " _I need to apologize to Matsumoto about something. I can't remember what though._ "

Two small feet swung out of the bed and Toshiro noticed he never changed out of his uniform. Despite the wrinkles now invading the cloth the young taicho stood up and headed to the door, his bone thin hand pushing the door to the room open. The young taicho stepped out forgetting to close the door behind him and stepped over to the office. He stopped short for a few minutes as the pounding in his head wouldn't go away. " _Will she be there? She's always... gone. Can't remember where she's always gone. Head hurts..._ "

Hyorinmaru's voice piped up finally in the back of his head. " _You say you're all right, but now you're complaining about your head hurting._ "

" _My head always hurts. Matsumoto's always... don't know. It's always her fault._ " Toshiro's hand reached out for the door and pushed it open. A sight of relief escaped his lips upon seeing Rangiku sitting at her desk doing her paperwork. " _I still need to_ _apologize_ _to her._ " The young taicho stepped over to her desk in the same manner he always did. "Sorry."

Rangiku's head darted up. "You're awake. Do you know what time it is?" Toshiro's head of white hair turned to look at the clock. His eyes squinted as his mind tried calculating what time it was. A sigh which would normally turn his head to see what was annoying his fukutaicho this time remained almost unheard. "It's noon taicho. Are you hungry."

"No." The young taicho turned his head to look at Rangiku. "Sorry for..." His words stopped short. "Being late. That's not, I don't think that's what I was appologizing for though."

"There isn't reason for you to..." Rangiku's breath drew in. "No apology is needed for being late. There is that thing."

"Yes, about that thing. I'm sorry for it." Toshiro pulled his bone thin hands behind him and rocked back on his heals almost loosing his balance.

"Yes. _That_ thing." The woman's lips thinned suddenly, and she tapped her fingers against her writing utensil. "What was that thing? Surely you can say what it is?"

The young taicho felt himself swallow, and then his bright teal eyes darted away. "That thing... I don't remember what that thing was. I know it happened last night, and that I have to apologize for it though." The young taicho took a deep breath. "I'm also sorry for not remembering."

The look on Rangiku's face made Toshiro's stomach churn. The color in her face drained, and her eyes widened. Something about the way her lips pushed together was agitating, but Toshiro couldn't put his finger on why. She herself took a deep breath. "Taicho... you really don't remember what happened yesterday?"

"No. Sorry."

"Come here." Rangiku waved a delicate hand at him indicating he should come over and see her, and his bright teal eyes widened. "Come on now."

Toshiro stepped forward, and her soft cool hands reached up to lightly touch his forehead. The woman started to lean forward and Toshiro balked as realization hit. The young taicho felt the tips of his ears as well as his cheeks heat up. "Now hold on..."

Rangiku's cool forehead however touched his quicker then he could react to pull away, and for some reason the touch caused him to relax. The frown continued to plaster her face as she puzzled over the situation, and finally she spoke up. "No fever. I guess that's a good thing."

She let go of his face and for some reason irritation filled Toshiro's mind at the fact she let go. He shook his head despite the pain he felt in the back of his head, and his mouth twisted down. "What did I do?"

"Do?" The woman took a deep breath before reaching up to brush a lock of her hair behind her ear. "You took off half way through doing paperwork yesterday to stand at the graves. I had to pester you to change clothes, and when you did you left them on the floor of your room. And the food you brought me..." Rangiku swallowed, and something about the atmosphere made Toshiro nervous. "... you tossed on the floor and said you would clean up in the morning because you were going to bed."

Toshiro's eyes widen only for a sudden jolt of pain to jar through the back of his mind, and then his eye twitched. "I did that?"

"You did."

"Sorry. I'm really sorry Rangiku."

Matsumoto opened her mouth to say something, but the shock which had left as she tried thinking of how to best explain things to her small taicho quickly came back. "Taicho... are you sure you're feeling all right."

"Completely fine."

"Do..." Rangiku swallowed again. "About Ukitake..."

Toshiro felt his entire body tense up. "No."

"Taicho..."

"I don't want to talk about him. I don't. I..." The young taicho felt himself teeter a bit to much to one side, and his small frame started crashing to the ground before he could say, " _absolutely don't want to talk about him._ "

Somehow he managed to grab the edge of the desk to prevent himself from falling to the ground, but his mind went blank as he stared off to the space. His head throbbed suddenly when Rangiku's voice pierced his skull. His eyes closed shut from the pain, and he felt his fukutaicho take his bone thin arms in her own and pull him up from the ground. He then felt himself pulled into her grip, and held to her bosom. He found himself not reacting negatively to her touch, and could hear her heart pounding from fright.

Two bright teal eyes looked up at her. "Matsumoto?"

Two pale eyes looked down at him. "Taicho? Are you sure that you're all right?"

"Yes... I'm not sure why you're asking if I'm all right or not. I'm quite fine." The boy pushed himself away, only to nearly topple to the ground. Somehow Rangiku managed to get him to the seat.

"About Mayuri's tests..."

A chill filled the room. "No! Absolutely..."

A finger touched his lips. "I just want you to think about it. I think you know why I want you to. Maybe you should see Isane instead?"

Toshiro looked at her in confusion as she backed away and headed over to do her paperwork. "Matsumoto..." One arm reached out for her without realizing it, but for some reason the woman noticed and gave him that same concerned look she had earlier, and suddenly the feeling of himself being a monster washed over and he pulled back as he leaned back against the couch. " _What was I thinking?_ "

" _You liked her touch, and didn't want her to let go._ "

" _Doesn't_..." The part about not making sense didn't come as the young taicho zoned out. His lips pushed together as he looked up at the ceiling.

Rangiku let out a deep sigh. "By the way taicho... there is a captain's meeting today. Want me to let you know when it's time to go?" Two teal eyes blinked a couple of times, but a set of lips didn't move. "I'll take that as a yes."

The woman then muttered something else he couldn't hear.


	3. Follow the Leader

**Cancer  
** _ **Follow the Leader**_

"Why are you following me?" The words randomly came out of Toshiro's mouth as he headed to the first division. His entire body felt sticky from the humidity caused by yesterday's rainfall and the subsequent rising temperatures the next day. One of his hands tugged at his clothing to pull it away.

"I really wish you'd taken the time to change clothes taicho as it looks like you just got out of bed. Your hair to."

"I told you changing feels like a waste."

"Are you saying that I didn't get you up in time? It's not my fault you're talking your time to get there."

Two bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times, and then Toshiro turned his head to look at Rangiku. "What do you mean?"

"You said that changing feels like a waste of time."

"No, I meant a waste of precious resources, though I guess time is also a previous resource." The young taicho stopped and looked the woman straight in the eye. The inability to read the woman's mood followed him most of that day, but this time he picked up on the confusion. "You know, somebody has to wash the clothes. And..." The young taicho paused. "I've the feeling these aren't dirty yet."

"Taicho, you changed into them last night before you went to bed. That was though..." Rangiku stopped short and looked him in the eye. "Taicho, you went to bed last night at three in the afternoon. It's now four in the afternoon the next day."

"Oh." Toshiro absentmindedly held up his sleeve. "If it's about the fact they're now looking dirty it's because of the sudden humidity that hit just a few minutes about when we stepped out. They were actually quite comfortable before we left the office."

"Taicho..." Rangiku swallowed. "My issue is that you're uniform is wrinkled, and your hair is sticking every which way."

"That's normal." The young taicho started off on his way, and started down one direction to get to the first division meeting hall only for Rangiku to grab the back of her uniform.

"Taicho... first division isn't that way."

No argument came from Toshiro's mouth, and he simply headed in the direction Rangiku re-directed him into. Every so often he'd pipe up asking why she followed him, but got no answer almost as if she were hiding things. His mind remained to muddled to think things through Upon arriving at the meeting hall he stared at Rangiku wondering why she was still there. The two stared for a good period of time until Kyoraku came up with Nanao.

"I... look, I need to talk to the head taicho and Nanao for a second, all right taicho. This has nothing to do with... just, it's my business, and since my business is my business you need not be butting in, right?"

Toshiro simply stared ahead as his mind remained unable to puzzle out what she meant by what she said let alone if she was even right. The realization he needed to step into the meeting hall clicked, and upon doing so the discovery of three adults gossiping caught his eye. The young taicho moved to his position frowning, and his arms folded into the sleeves of his uniform. The sudden jerking movement due to the discomfort made him think Rangiku right about changing before coming, but the thought was quickly brushed away.

The three now stared at him.

They stared at him as if he were some monster.

Kyoraku listened to whatever Rangiku had to say, and then waved her off. "Don't worry. I'm not as tired as I look. Orihime-chan's really good at healing people up, and did a wonder at recovering me to my current state, or I should say former state. I'll keep an eye on that."

Rangiku slipped out before giving her small taicho a look that sent a shudder down his spine as if he'd done something wrong, and his glance traveled back to the two adults left in the rooms. Something about the looks on their faces said yes, he really had done something wrong. A sigh escaped his lips before he turned to look at the wall. Other taicho filtered into the room, and the looks they gave him made him feel more like some kind of monster.

Looking at Ukitake's space was painful, and he kept telling himself, " _Ukitake's just sick._ _That's why he's not in his spot. It's just like normal._ "

Talk about something came up, and after a bit of time Toshiro realized they were talking about the Quincy. Without realizing what he was doing he interrupted the head taicho. "Why didn't we execute the Quincy?"

Everyone turned to stare at him as if he were some major annoyance. One of the other taicho cleared their throat, and Byakuya spoke up. "Hitsugaya Taicho, if you were paying attention you would know we already covered that."

A heat spread across Toshiro's cheeks and the tips of his ears and the admonishment, and Mayuri said something he couldn't hear. The embarrassment turned over and over in his head, and finally he blurted out again. "I'm sorry."

Again they stared at him as if he grew a second head. Kyoraku cleared his throat. "Sorry for what?"

"We'd already covered why we choose to deal with the Quincy as we did."

"Hitsugaya Taicho..." Byakuya spoke up again. "That was about ten minutes ago."

Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times, and he waited for someone to say, " _if you can't pay attention like an adult the leave, children don't belong here_ ", but it never came.

Instead after a bit of time Soifon finally snapped, and moved out of line so she was face to face with the young taicho. "Look, Ukitake's not sick. He's dead. That's why he's not in his spot, and no things aren't like normal. They never will be. So knock it off."

"Soifon..." Kyoraku's words caused the second division taicho to turn her head towards the head captain.

"I said that out loud." The young taicho could feel his throat tighten, and the embarrassment burned it's way into his skin even more.

"You've been muttering about Ukitake this whole time, at least when you weren't piping up with random things." The comment from Shinji made the young taicho's head dart up to see that the fifth division captain was picking wax out of his ear.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"Do you want to talk about it after the meeting? Ukitake that is?" Kyoraku spoke up suddenly.

Two bright teal eyes blinked in confusion, and then the young taicho drew in a deep breath. "No. Absolutely not. Why do people think I need to talk about Ukitake? Shinigami aren't supposed to..." Toshiro's voice slowed down as he took in the hurt looks on the other Shinigami's faces. "... not feel emotions."

Kyoraku though simply smiled at him despite the obvious hurt in his one good eye. "Actually, I was asking if you would talk with me because _I_ need to talk about Ukitake."

Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times, and his breath drew short. "Me? Why me of all people?"

A soft laugh came from the man's chest causing the embarrassment to almost completely wash away. "Ukitake had a soft spot for you, didn't he?"

"I guess so." Toshiro tried looking away, but every which way he looked a taicho was standing in site so he simply closed his eyes.

"Then that makes you just the right person."


	4. Sweat Tea

**Cancer  
** _ **Sweet Tea**_

Two bright teal eyes stared at the traditional water fountain in courtyard of the Kyoraku estate. The place of the head taicho's residence outside of the first division remained small compared to that of the other nobles, but some how managed to maintain a semblance of calmness. Toshiro stared off into space until the head taicho spoke up. "First things first, you should take a bath."

Toshiro flinched at the words and turned to look at the older taicho in disbelief. "Bath?"

"Your uniform doesn't look very comfortable, almost as if..."

"I slept in it? Rangiku said that, and I did. I'd just changed into it so it seemed like a waste, but then it hadn't gotten humid yet until I stepped back out."

Another laugh escaped Kyoraku's mouth. "That is so like you. No, I was referring to the fact it looks like this humid heat is getting the better of you. You've never been good with the heat have you?" The man watched as Toshiro simply remained silent. "You'd join Ukitake in his Ugendo Quarters didn't you."

The young taicho remained silent and finally a sigh escaped the man's lips. "A bath will make you feel better. I'll get you fresh kimono."

"Wait..." Toshiro's head darted up. "I'm not staying the night, and I wouldn't wish to be..."

His mind paused as the words he wanted to say didn't come to him. Kyoraku let out a sigh and finished for him. "You don't wish to be a burden?" The man pointed to the small bath house. "You're not, but you will be if you don't take care of yourself."

A sigh escaped Toshiro's lips and for some reason one of his bone thin hands reached up to rub his eyes as well as let out a yawn. He headed over to the baths and reluctantly got in. When the fresh clothes were brought and his taken away he didn't know, but Kyoraku eventually came in telling him he likely soaked enough, and Toshiro dressed without thinking much of the situation.

He followed the head taicho to the estates tea room and continued to look out at the courtyard garden and listen to the clacking sound of the small wooden fountain. The clearing of the head taicho's throat told him that his cup of tea was prepared. Toshiro lifted it up and the first question came.

"What's your favorite memory of Ukitake?"

Toshiro's bright teal eyes shot up as his mouth twisted into a deep frown. "I don't need to talk to him."

"I understand that. I need you to. It will help this old man here."

The young taicho's bright teal eyes shot down to the cup of tea, and he thought carefully. "What counts as a favorite memory? How does one have a favorite anything?"

"Good question. I honestly don't have an answer for you on that. Well, wait..." The head taicho's response caused Toshiro's head to shoot up. "... there is your soul mate. They count as a favorite. They're something you are very unlikely to replace. You could say that's why Byakuya's not re-married, he's not found her again."

Toshiro's head titled to the side, and a sickening feeling set in as anxiety built up. "Did... did you change the subject?"

"Not on purpose. I honestly didn't. But you're getting to be around that age aren't you, and I'm sure Ukitake would have had this talk with you right about now if..." Kyoraku let out a big sigh. "... if he wasn't gone."

"Talk?" Two teal eyes blinked a couple of times.

"About girls you know." A silence fell between the two as Toshiro stared vacantly at the man. "You really don't know do you." A sigh escaped the head taicho's lips. "See, there comes a time when a young man comes to like a young lady." The man's head tilted to the side. "Or in some cases they come to like another young man. Do you get what I'm saying Toshiro-kun?"

Toshiro stared at the man, and then finally spoke up. "What does like mean?"

Kyoraku stared at Toshiro. "Do you have a favorite..." The man stopped short. "Wait, you asked me what it means to have a favorite. If you were to pick one food, what would it be?"

"Amanatto."

"See. That's your favorite food, right?" Kyoraku sighed. "If you were to pick a young woman or a young man to be with forever, then who would that be? That..."

"Kurosaki Karin."

A silence came between the two again and Kyoraku stared, and yet again Toshiro thought he had a second head.

Realization hit the young taicho like an avalanche of snow. Not only did he feel a huge imaginary weight on his shoulders, but a sudden chill ran down his spine. "I didn't say that."

"Yes, you did." Kyoraku took a sip of his tea. "It's all right."

"She's..." Toshiro felt the frustration boil over. "She's from the world of the living, I'm not. We age differently. She's already..."

"When did you first realize Karin-chan was the one you wanted to spend your life with?"

Two bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "Wait..." The young taicho shook his head only for something to blurt out of his mouth. "Should I be talking to you about this. You do have..."

Another pause came as Toshiro found himself struggling with the words as his thought process simply wouldn't work. "A reputation with women?" Another laugh came from Kyoraku's mouth, and for some reason the laugh made Toshiro feel comfortable. "I do. There is still that one person I want, wanted to live my life with." The change in tone from the older taicho made the younger swallow. "She's the only one. It's where I got the kimono from. So I think it's not a bad idea to talk to me about this."

Toshiro looked away. "We can't be together."

"Maybe that's true, maybe that's not. Star-crossed lovers is a major theme in romantic myths you know. Why not make your own story."

"It doesn't matter." Another thought crossed Toshiro's mind. " _Aren't I dying._ "

"Why not?"

"I think this last battle proves I'm the least likely to survive in a battle." Toshiro watched the look on Kyoraku's face and _again_ felt like he was some kind of monster.

"Toshiro-kun, you do know that in a hundred years you're likely to surpass me, right?"

"Don't want."

"Ah-hah, well there is that. You shouldn't give up on yourself like this." Kyoraku looked at the boy. "Ukitake you know wouldn't want that."

Toshiro felt his mouth twist up as he looked down at the cup of tea which he still hadn't drunk from. "Don't want to talk about that."

"Alright. How about telling me that favorite memory of him then? You never did tell me, and now I've defined what favorite means, right?"

Two bone thin hands twisted the cup so that the tea leaf twisted around on top. "Favorite? I think that's a hard thing to pick. I don't have any bad memories of him really, except..." Toshiro shook his head. "All of them involved him, I don't know how to put it. He seemed to always want to make me feel like, special, happy." The young taicho's eyes narrowed anymore. " _I don't feel that way anymore._ "

"I'm kind of a little worried about that." Kyoraku's comment resulted in a jolt up from the young taicho. "He was really good at that for you, wasn't he? I don't know if we'll ever find something that will take his place."

"Not important. No emotions."

"Yeah... you did say Shinigami shouldn't feel emotions, but that's not true. It's that they shouldn't let their emotions get control of them. A difference you still seem to need to learn."

"What ever."

"So, I heard you're not sleeping well."

"I'm sleeping fine."

"How long did you sleep last night."

Toshiro blinked a couple of times. " _Three in the afternoon yesterday, four in the afternoon today... that's..."_ A thin bony hand reached up to white hair in frustration as Toshiro's lips tightened. "An hour..."

"That's not good..."

" _That's not how long I slept though._ "

"Toshiro-kun..." Kyoraku's tone became serious. "Tell me the reason you don't want Kurosuchi to do tests on you."

The young taicho's head darted up. "He's scary! Absolutely scary! Don't like him one bit! I mean, I get that I'm supposed to be thankful to him, but... he creeps me out."

"Oh, I get that. You won't see the fukutaicho of the forth division either. She was rather worried about you at the meeting today."

"Isane was there."

Kyoraku blinked a couple of times. "Yes, Kotetsu fukutaicho. Someone had to be there for the forth division. You really weren't paying attention."

"My head hurts."

"Really?"

"Matsumoto always does things which make my head hurts."

"Uh-huh. How about the fukutaicho of the forth?"

"She's not Unohana."

"No, she's not. Why don't you get some sleep. You look like you need it."

Toshiro frowned. "Do you promise no experiments?"

A laugh escaped the man's mouth. "On my honor I promise, no experiments at this point in time. I'm not fond of experiments from medical folk either. Don't you think Unohana was always creepy?"

"No. Unohana was a grandmother type." Toshiro watched the confused look on the man's face, but he brushed it off.


	5. Silks and Flowers

**Cancer  
** _ **Silks and Flowers**_

Ichigo let the chill evening air wash over him as he stepped out of the gate between Soul Society and the living world. His throat felt dry, and his body tired from all the fighting they went through to win. In some ways he felt bad leaving when they did with a captain's meeting going on that day, but he'd taken Kyoraku's advice to go and visit family. "I can't believe we actually won."

Rukia stepped out beside him with her delicate hand on the hilt of her blade. "Don't talk like that. We really did win."

The young man turned his brown eyes to look at his companions face. "I don't mean that. I mean, well... I mean it just doesn't feel real. It feels like, despite the fact we've won, we've actually lost something. We certainly can't go back to the way things were."

"Things seem normal to me." Rukia's bright eyes blinked a couple of times, and then a sigh escaped her lips. "Ichigo, you really shouldn't worry about this. I know you're planning on staying in Soul Society more often, but we still know it better then you do. It's not changed, well, beyond the fact you did enact a change in the way the laws worked, but that was practically two years ago."

"That's not what I mean." Ichigo continued to stare at her. "What about Toshiro?"

The eyes of the fukutaicho of the thirteenth division widened, and she licked her lips nervously. "Hitsugaya Taicho?"

"You know who I'm speaking about Rukia."

"I've not..." The young female glanced away, and then began to walk off. "Let's get our gigai so we can head over to your families place."

"You didn't answer my question." Ichigo's tone of voice sharpened before he reached out to grab her thin arm. "Rukia, this is important. I'm really worried about Toshiro."

"He just..." The female Shinigami stopped short, and then finally turned back to look at her companion. "I know he's been acting strangely lately, what with him constantly visiting the graves of the fallen. He's..." Rukia's head turned away. "That's just his way of grieving."

The young man let go of his companions mouth. "There is something you want to say, but are avoiding."

Rukia's head turned back to him. "Well, he is at that age you know."

"What age?" Ichigo's attention perked up.

"That age when kids are suddenly go through this super rebellious phase where they act out. I think the term for kids this age is Emo."

Two brown eyes stared at the small female, and Ichigo let out a laugh. "Actually, I was thinking you were going to say something else." The laughter left his face as realization dawned on him. "Actually, I was actually hoping that you did mean something else. Toshiro going through a rebellious phase? I mean, come on. And it's not Emo. Some are, some aren't. Toshiro being Emo, yeah no."

"It's not as if he's done anything really extreme like most kids do Ichigo. When we get back to Soul Society you can go ahead and spend some time with him, and he'll get better. He seems to like you for some odd reason."

Ichigo blinked a couple of times before flustering up. "Hey... what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means what it means." Rukia glanced at Ichigo's arms and the packages in them before shaking her head. "What is in that bag the head captain gave you?"

The young man decided to ignore his companion at that point in time.

…

Karin pretended nothing was wrong. When the dark haired twin pretended nothing was wrong Yuzu found herself able to go about her day. The darker haired of the Kurosaki twins though knew full well that something was amiss, but no one was around to answer her question. The captain who visited the other day remained fixed in her mind, and she tried forgetting that Ichigo and his friends were in trouble of any kind.

The door opened, and the familiarity of the rieatsu entering the domicile made the young female shoot up. A smile cracked across her face at sensing her brother. "Ichi-nii!"

Her brother's warm brown eyes blinked a couple of times as Karin got up from the couch and walked in a brisk manner over to where he stood. The smile left his face when Karin quickly wrapped her arms around Rukia's waist, and proceeded to bury her head into the older girls shoulder. The eldest of the siblings stared for a few minutes blinking. "Hey? What about me Karin?"

Yuzu's head stuck out of the kitchen. "Ichi nii-chan! You're home and brought Rukia-nee with you!"

"Yeah..." Ichigo pointed his finger at his other sister. "Do you know what's gotten into Karin, Yuzu?"

"No. She was actually quite fine before you got here. Are you sure you didn't do anything Ichi-nii?"

"Of course not! How could I be so stupid?"

"Because you have in the past." The blank face he gave the lighter haired twin made her continue. "My skirt, remember?"

"Yuzu..." Ichigo shook his head as she disappeared back into the kitchen. He tilted his head towards Karin and found himself more concerned with her behavior. "I'd say that she doesn't really get it, but then you're acting..."

"I'm fine." Karin pulled away and brushed a tear away. "It was really hard though pretending nothing was going on."

Rukia's smile quickly fell, and she placed her hands onto Karin shoulders. "Karin-chan, what do you mean by that?"

"We knew... well I knew. I mean, I could sense things, and I kept Yuzu in the house. I distracted myself by playing video games and such." Karin felt her voice strain. "Ichi-nii... some guy came and visited us. He said something about how you might end up staying in Soul Society, so he left passes. He was..." The darker haired twin turned her head to look at Yuzu. "He was horribly upset that Yuzu couldn't see him. In some ways he seemed shocked."

"I don't know why. From what I remember your father can't see ghosts. It's actually more surprising that two of you can see ghosts like you can."

Ichigo cleared his throat. "Rukia..." He watched as his companion turned her head. "Actually, Karin... did this person seem to know dad?"

The young female took in a deep breath. "Dad called the man oji-sama and told me to call him Uncle Sui." Karin watched as Rukia turned to look at Ichigo and silently opened her mouth. "He kept calling us his Karin-chan and Yuzu-chan."

Ichigo's eyes narrowed. "The old creep. Seriously, he's flirting even with females your age. Now I really don't want to give you and Yuzu what that old pervert sent. No way I'm letting some pervert like him near you two again."

"You already let dad near us." The dark haired Kurosaki sibling watched as her brother looked at her in confusion. "You know, dad acts like that to, but he's never, you know, really serious about it. It's just some big scam to make people not take him as seriously. I think I know where he gets it from now."

"From Kyoraku-san?" Two brown eyes blinked a couple of times. "I guess that makes sense that he would have an influence on dad." Karin watched as Ichigo glanced over at Rukia and noted the confusion on the other girl's faces. "I honestly have no clue what he put into this package for you two other then it's a set of two."

Karin took the package from Ichigo and set the paper parcel down on the table. Her lips pushed together as she began to untie the objects. "I need to ask how Toshiro's doing." The silence falling over the room forced Karin to lift her head up. "Ichi-nii?"

"He's fine."

"Don't lie. You were worrying just about him just a bit ago." Rukia took over the untying of the package, and let out a whistle. The color left her face. "Oh my. These are some, very nice gifts."

"Something the matter Rukia?" Ichigo turned his head and acted as if Karin never asked about Toshiro.

"These are gifts someone would give to the daughters of a noble clan."

The darker haired twin's eyebrows rose up at the site of the pair of fans, traditional comb and other items. "I don't want them. I'm no girly-girl, and don't appreciate being treated like some princess just so the old geezer can suck up to dad." Karin took a deep breath, and turned to look at Ichigo only to see her brother holding back a chuckle. "What?"

"Well..."

Karin traced the gaze of her brothers eyes over to Rukia who was fingering the items. "Karin-chan, these are very nice gifts. It's also impolite not to accept a gift. Though..." Rukia turned to look at Ichigo. "I'm trying to place the head captains reasoning for this."

"It's Kyoraku-san Rukia." Ichigo's laughter filled the room, and whatever tension his mind focused on started drifting away.

"Toshiro Ichi-nii..."

"I know. It's still quite extravagant for even him. I should know. Ise Nanao's always complaining about the gifts he leaves women."

"All right. What would you suspect the reason for these gifts to be?"

"Ichi-nii..."

Karin watched as Rukia took a deep breath. "A gift to a family member, but..." Rukia's eyes blinked a couple of times. "Wait. Don't tell me..." The small Shinigami's fist came out to punch Ichigo in the arm causing the eldest Kurosaki let out a yelp. "When were you going to tell me?"

"That we're part of the Shiba clan?" Ichigo tried holding back his laughter. Karin felt her mouth twist up and her own fist hit her brother in the same spot Rukia had. "Oww. What as that for." Her brother turned his head away almost as if he knew what Karin was going to ask. "Yuzu, come see this stuff Uncle Sui sent for you and Karin."

Karin's lips pushed together as her sister hurried over to coo over the items. "Toshiro Ichi-nii. I'm not going to forget that easily. I know something's wrong with him."

The smile on Ichigo's face fell, and his large hand reached out to tug on her sleeve so they could let Rukia and Yuzu look through the trinkets without hearing. "I don't know." This comment made Karin's mouth open, but Ichigo's hand shot up. "By I don't know I mean I don't know what's wrong with him. I know in part it has something to do with the fact he lost a lot of people he cared about, but there's also something else. I'll try figuring out when Rukia and I go back in a few days. Alright?"

"Not alright." Karin headed over to the couch to sulk, only to flinch as Yuzu tried doing up the darker twins hair with the traditional comb.


	6. Jail of the Mind

**Cancer  
** _ **Jail of the Mind**_

Toshiro found the bed at Kyoraku's place soft, and he settled his aching body down to go to sleep. Something fuzzy at the back of his head popped up every so often telling them everyone cared, but eventually this faded away and other thoughts of death and depression rattled through. Eventually though Toshiro found himself sleeping, and then waking when Ise Nanao's presence came into the room. His eyes opened up and he turned his head to look at the woman.

"Hitsugaya Taicho."

The young taicho sat up despite the fact his head still hurt. He glanced down at the ground and saw a trey of food. Automatically he reached out for the trey and began to eat the food while Nanao remained silent beside him. The woman finally spoke her mind. "Rangiku's worried about you, you know."

"Shouldn't be."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm fine."

"That's not what I meant. Why shouldn't she worry about you? You are after all her taicho."

Toshiro stopped eating at the slow pace and turned his head to look at Nanao. "I don't comprehend. Either you're trying to insinuate that I'm not well, or your not. Which is it?" His bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "Honestly don't know why I'm thinking that way. Does this have to do with the fact your taicho doesn't think I'm sleeping well? I'm doing well."

"Do you feel refreshed? By that are you still tired?"

"Don't know. Why are you here? To talk about my health issues? Isn't that getting personal."

Nanao pushed up her glasses in frustration. "Personal? Never mind. You're supposed to head over to the prison cells where the Quincy are. It's your turn to look over them. My taicho wished that I remind you of that issue."

"Where's Rangiku?"

"Ran..." The woman flinched. "She's at your office doing paperwork." The two stared at each other for a few minutes. "You will behave yourself around the Quincy, right?"

The young taicho stared back. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Word has you asked why the Quincy weren't executed."

"Isn't that the way things normally go down?" Two bright teal eyes continued to stare. "I didn't say I agreed with what I said. No, I mean I didn't say I thought executing them was a good idea, or something like that. I was just wondering why."

"I see." The woman finally glanced away as the young taicho's constant glare unnerved her. "Are you sure you got enough sleep. Your speech is slurring. Not having any nightmares."

"None of your damn business." Toshiro went back to eating his food and soon forgot about the task assigned to him. Eventually Nanao's voice from the doorway caught his attention, and his head rose up. "Yes?"

"Did you forget? They say at the jail cell they haven't seen you yet. You are done eating, right?"

"I think so. Truth be told I only ate because that was expected of me." The young taicho stood up and nearly toppled over as he stood up. He shook his head only to nearly topple over again. A sigh escaped his lips and he stepped out of the room. Every so often he would glance back to see Nanao following behind him. They finally arrived at the jail cell and Nanao turned to leave. " _Why follow me? Feels wrong, but I can't place my finger on why."_

Toshiro let his eyes drift over the stone walls as he stepped down to the area he could sense the Quincy rieatsu coming from. Each Shinigami he passed by bowed to him, but he payed them no mind as his mind drifted off elsewhere. " _What was Kyoraku getting at?_ "

" _About Karin-chan?_ "

A sigh escaped the young taicho's lips. " _I hear your voice._ "

" _Your mind's simply wandering to much to listen to me._ "

" _I'm sorry._ "

" _Don't be._ " Hyorinmaru said a few other things as Toshiro stopped to try and listen, but he simply found his back propped up against the wall as he stood there letting the coolness of the jail cell take over. His head simply wouldn't stop throbbing, and his body aching. The coolness of the place compared to the outside somehow managed to negate the aching feeling slightly.

" _What am I supposed to be doing?_ " The young taicho's bright teal eyes snapped open upon realizing he'd forgotten the task.

" _You weren't listening again were you._ "

" _I tried to. I really did._ "

" _I mentioned something about going and getting this checked out as you really aren't well._ "

" _Prove it._ " Toshiro winced as the dragon let out a quick grumbling. " _Come on. Talking like that hurts my head._ "

" _Proof you're not well then._ "

" _That's what happens whenever I get sick though._ " Toshiro realized his thoughts left out an important word. " _You know, not sick sick, but heat sick. I'll be find if I can get plenty of fluids._ "

" _You're not getting plenty of fluids. I'd push for you getting more fluids, but you haven't been able to always hear my voice._ "

" _So._ "

" _I'm worried about you._ "

A laugh escaped Toshiro's mouth. "Worried? Doesn't that stem from the fact if anything happens to me, you're not in a good way. _"_ The ice dragon grumbled in the back of his head. "No, I'm not talking down to you Hyorinmaru. I'm just... _"_ Another pause in thought came. " _I'm just not in a good mood._ "

"Y _ou're not in a good mood because you're not well._ "

" _Don't go there again. Think of another reason."_

" _You don't want me to go there._ "

Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times as the sing-song sound of Hyorinmaru's voice. Something about the dragon's voice seemed different, but he couldn't place his finger on what was different. His mind also couldn't catch onto any of the words, but then thought ofr a few seconds that Hyorinmaru's voice sounded like how he expected Shinso to sound. A shudder ran down the young taicho's spine.

" _That's not very nice young master. You hate the idea of you being like Ichimaru Gin._ "

The young taicho's eye widened as he tried tucking the piece of information he discovered into the back of his head. " _You don't like being compared either. Perhaps you should stop..."_ Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times as a frown came across his face. " _... stop..._ "

" _Stop telling you that it isn't a big deal._ " Another silence came between the two. " _Don't beat yourself up for this young master. The fact you're not thinking straight that is. You know... Karin-chan may be worried about you. You should check in on her rather then hiding here in the corridors of the jail cells._ "

A groan escaped Toshiro's lips. "Tell her? I'm surprised I even told Kyoraku. My life is over. _"_

The dragon lectured from the back of the young shinigami's mind, but Toshiro's mind remained numb as he tried thinking about what he said, but he soon forgot and sought the dragon's advice on what he was supposed to do. " _Oh, you know full well what you need to do. You should really go to the forth division for this headache._ "

" _Were you teasing me about Kurosaki Karin._ "

" _Please young master. It wouldn't hurt to take a pain killer for your pain. Go and see the fukutaicho of the forth division for your ails._ "

" _You're supposed to be reminding me what I'm supposed to be doing, not... being silly._ "

" _You're the one being silly. You're to see the Quincy in the cells, remember?_ "

" _Now I do._ "


	7. Tragic Silver

**Cancer  
** _ **Tragic Silver**_

Waking up meant the heavy empty feeling came back. Not waking up meant ignoring the routine allowing oneself to live. The choice came down to wallowing in self-pity, or fighting for survival. The instinct always directed survival, and the eyes opened up to look at the blank ceiling while the alarm blared. The soft covers remained a bidding temptation, but the need to go to work eventually forced limbs to work at pushing the enticing sheets away.

The next step involved getting into the shower and letting the ice cold water run over the shoulder as warm water would make said person fall asleep. After a good soak it became time to dress for work. For breakfast an egg cracked against a hot a hot pan, and two eyes watched the change n the eggs state. No seasoning added to the dish retains the lack of taste, and the lack of taste remained suitable for punishment for said person.

A swing music played in the background during the bland meal, and as the person washed the dishes. Soft footsteps were heard as the person headed to the door, and their hands jammed into their pockets. The keys jingled as the door locked, and the person went about their life as if they were a normal person going through a normal life. They stepped down the stairs leading away from the apartment, and walked a couple of blocks unnoticed to the small cafe.

Upon arriving at the cafe the person unlocked the door, and stepped inside to start up the hot water and equipment before moving on to make treats which people ordered to go with their coffees and teas. The swinging jazz turned on in the background as the person kept at their routine. The person's mind remained numb in an attempt to ignore the empty feeling dwelling in their heart, but someone's voice drew them back to reality.

"You're rather responsible Mr. Ichimaru."

The man turned his head to look at the young co-worker stepping into the room. "Not really."

"You're always here getting everything ready in the morning, or you're the one closing up."

"Doesn't really matter. Doesn't really reflect who I am either." Gin moved certain items into the display case as the bell jingled. The empty feeling in his heart felt worse then normal, as if something was wrong. The man couldn't place his finger on it beyond the fact it was getting closer to that time of year – the anniversary of the Winter War. The man swallowed as the memory of a certain young taicho being cut down flitted across his mind, and then came the memory of Rangiku crying and not smiling. " _I'm a cold hearted bastard, that's what I am._ "

The man looked up at the customers and saw two girls from the local middle school. One of the girls hair was dark as night, and her eyes were also dark. The other girl's hair was the color of garment, and her eyes matched her hair color. The darker haired girl simply pulled her hair into a pony tail, while the other pulled her hair into two pig tails and even adorned her hair with a strawberry hair clip.

" _That's Shiro-chan's age. He should be enjoying his life like these girls, and not living the life of a child soldiers. I should have done more to protect him._ "

" _Nothing you could have done,_ " hummed the haunting voice in the back of his head. Gin tried brushing off his zampaktuos comment. "What can I get you two girls?"

Gin watched as the two girls ignored him. "Come on Karin. I don't see why you can't act more like a girl every so often. Even guys like sweets." The girl named Karin continued to turn her head away from the other girl, but then she said something which made Gin flinch. "Why don't you get something for Toshiro-kun?"

"What ever for?" The girl turned to look at the lighter haired girl.

"Doesn't your boyfriend like sweet things? You've also been worried about him, but won't say why. I know you and Ichi-nii were talking about t with Rukia-nee."

"Don't worry about it Yuzu."

The darker haired girl's eyes turned to look Gin in the eye, and he felt as if her gaze could read everything about him. Normally he found himself able to unnerve other people, but this time he was the one unnerved. The other girl continued to nag about Karin's boyfriend, and Gin found himself swallowing deeply even though the girl firmly said she and _Toshiro-kun_ weren't dating.

The nagging feeling though wouldn't go away after the two girls left, and finally Gin asked to take out the trash and take his break. He headed up to the roof to sit on the edge where nobody could see him, and pulled out a package of cigarettes along with a lighter. A quick tap allowed him to knock a stick out, and he lit the stick he placed in his mouth. He took a deep breath letting the smoke to help drive the negative feelings away.

" _I should have stayed and taken care of them._ "

" _Had you stayed they would be in trouble for other reasons._ "

" _Shiro-chan dating?_ "

" _That girl said it wasn't real._ "

" _Still..._ "

"Told you not to smoke Gin-kun. It's bad for you."

The voice from behind made Gin's fake smile to leave. "You're the one who introduced me to said habit a long time ago Shiba Taicho."

"I'm not a taicho anymore." Isshin slipped in to sit next to Gin, and his mouth twisted up into a smile as his fingers reached out to pluck the cigarette. Two pale eyes moved over in the direction the man sat, and watched the former taicho of the tenth division grind the cigarette into the edge they sat on before flicking it to the alleyway down below.

"Well, thanks." Gin's words came out with a sharp turning of the head to look at the building across the alley way from the one they were on. His hands clenched the edge of the building where he sat

"Come on. I'm the one who dragged your scrawny ass away from the battlefield once my rieatsu returned enough so that you wouldn't end up on the wrong end of things. You don't need to be killing yourself with those things."

"You're also assuming I wanted to be saved. I actually wanted to die."

"You sound like someone else I know."

Gin turned to look at the man as his lips curled down. He wanted to ask who Isshin was referring to, but something told him he also didn't want to hear what the man had to say.

Isshin told him anyways. "You know, the kiddo. Toshiro's pretty bad about beating himself up as well, although not to the point he..." The man paused. "Truth be told I don't know if that's changed. The kid keeps going through a ton of crap..."

"I don't want to hear it." The silver haired man's words came out sharp, and Isshin remained silent for awhile letting Gin stew in his foul mood.

"Except I know you're honestly worried about your Ran-chan and Shiro-chan." Isshin's voice became sing-song, but quickly changed back to a more serious tone. "Something tells me you know something happened. You look like you want to do something about it, but you can't."

"What do you mean I can't do anything about it?" Gin's head turned to look at the man and his eyes which normally shut out everyone opened up to reveal a defined panic.

"Because it's all over. Ichigo took care of it. What Toshiro and Ran-chan are going through is the aftermath."

"I told you..." The words snapped out of Gin's mouth.

" _Except you want to know. You want to know what's happened to that darling Shiro-chan of yours, and if Ran-chan's smiling again._ "

Gin swallowed as his eyes took in the pitying look on Isshin's face. The man finnally spoke up again. "They got hurt. They got hurt really bad Gin."

"How could it be worse then the Winter War."

"It's worse because Juhabach came back."

Fear washed over the silver haired man. " _No. Not that person. He must be..._ "

"I'm not joking Gin."


	8. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Cancer  
** _ **Down the Rabbit Hole**_

" _I remember now that I'm supposed to see the Quincy, thought what purpose I'm here for I don't quite understand._ "

Hyorinmaru let out a sigh of frustration. " _You're here to check on them, to make sure they're doing well, and that the Shinigami are not mistreating them._ "

" _Makes sense I think._ "

Toshiro headed towards the jail cells the Quincy were kept in, and stopped short upon seeing a figure sitting in a chair. The person leaned back on two legs by using one of their legs to push against the bar, and in their hands was a book. Toshiro's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "What are you doing out of the cells?"

The person in question looked up and stared at him as if he said something strange. Bazz-B rocked forward and snapped the book shut as his boots hit the ground. "Didn't you hear that..."

"What are you reading?"

"... I switched sides." The man folded his arms so his hands and the book were tucked away. "You're weird."

"How so?" Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times as the coolness of the prison cells calm the pounding in his head.

"Let's start off with the fact you didn't even wait for the answer to your first question. That makes me wonder if said question was even important to you." Bazz-B continued to watch him carefully. "By the way, why are you here?"

"Why are you here?" The words left Toshiro's mouth in a hurry.

"Hold it... you keep jumping from one thing to another."

"I can't imagine the other Quincy like you being here."

"You're being to personal."

The young taicho's eyes widened. "I don't know how that's possible. I've not called you by your first name even though that's the only name of yours I know."

"Do you actually understand social boundaries?"

Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times before settling on what he felt was a good answer. "I don't understand the question. Do you know why the Quincy were spared? The other taicho mentioned something in the meeting about why, but I apparently wasn't listening."

"You're such a kid."

"Am not."

"The answer to my question though is no, you don't understand social boundaries. Thus you are a kid."

"We'll have to disagree on that assessment."

"I also don't know why they choose to spare us." The man rocked back. "So, don't you see us as enemies?"

"At this point you pose no threat, so no." Toshiro stared at the man wondering what was missing, then remembered something important. "You still haven't answered my questions, though I can't quite remember which ones."

"I really don't care to answer your questions."

"Why are you here?"

"You already asked that question."

"I did? It's rather odd though they have you guarding prison cells to make sure prisoners don't do something stupid."

The man stared at Toshiro for a few minutes. "I'm actually not here to make sure they don't do something stupid. I'm here to make sure you Shinigami don't do anything stupid. Speaking of which..." Bazz-B looked right the young taicho right in the eye, but the youth didn't advert his gaze. "What are you doing here?"

"My job. I'm supposed to check on them. I think."

The man stared at Toshiro for a few more minutes before standing up, and touching the young man's forehead with the back of his hand. "You're not running a fever."

Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times be moving back as if someone touched him with a fire brand. "Don't do that." And then, "Rangiku did the same thing."

"Still... you came down here without realizing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. That could be a major mess." Bazz-B sat down in the chair and began reading his book again. "Fine, do what ever you want."

"What book are you reading?"

"None of your business."

Toshiro brushed off the comment, and moved from jail cell to jail cell. He stopped in front of one jail cell and stared at the blond haired man sitting in the cell with his arms folded across his chest. Something was familiar about the man, but he couldn't place his finger on why he found the man familiar. "Hello."

The man remained silent, and simply stared at the young man for a good chunk of time.

"Hello."

"You already said that."

"I did. Sorry about that."

"No you're not. You're just like him, and he was never sorry about anything."

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about."

"No, you wouldn't know what I'm talking about."

"Who are you?"

"I don't feel the need to answer your questions as it's just none of your business."

Toshiro let out an annoyed sound. "Sheesh. You're just like Bazz-B."

"That traitor?"

"Yes, that traitor." Toshiro's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times when he realized what he said. That word for some reason made his stomach churn, and he looked down at the floor. The young captain took a deep breath when he remembered why that word upset him. "Ichimaru Gin." His head then jerked to the side sharply despite the pain to look away, and his throat swallowed. "Not that it is any of your business."

Toshiro turned his head back to look at the man with a smoother motion which was favorable to his aching head. He found himself staring at the man, and finally the man snapped out in annoyance. "What?"

"You and he, Ichimaru Gin that is, you two look a lot alike." The young taicho continued to stare at the man.

"No, the person who looks like him is you."

The lurch in Toshiro's stomach resulted in him turning away, and heading to see the next set of prisoners, a few of whom asked him to pass on a message to Inoue Orihime and the forth for treating them, to which he responded he wasn't sure if he'd remember, but that they likely already knew. He finally arrived at the end of the cells where three females were located, and his eyes blinked a couple of times.

"Now aren't you a cutie."

The young taicho flinched at the comment from the blond female. Toshiro felt his cheeks and the tips of his ears heat up, before looking to the cell on the other side. Another female with magenta colored hair sat with her arms folded, and her lips pouting. "I don't believe you. You're just trying to trick me again Candy-chan. The last visitor wasn't cute at all."

"Oh come on. The head captain was an honest chunk of a hunk. I'd honestly want him to knock me up."

Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times before turning his head to look at the female. "What does knock me up mean?"

The girl named Candy-chan let out a laugh. "You don't know what it means? That's a laugh."

"It doesn't mean what you think either. And you don't want to know what it means let alone what she think it means kid."

"I'm not..." Toshiro turned his head to look back at the cell at the front. His eyes blinked a couple of times at the dark haired girl. "Who are you?"

"Who am I?" The girl sat up from where she lay, and turned to speak to him. "You don't know who I am?"

"You're the zombie girl." The words blurted out of Toshiro's mouth as the girl's eye twitched. "Not the one who, you know, had that power. The other one."

"Don't talk to me about Gigi. I can't believe they got a damn pardon for switching sides like that. She's a double, no, a tripple traitor. I hate traitors."

Toshiro felt himself flinch at the words. The girl with the magenta colored hair sat up. "Wait. You don't mean Bazz-B too? He's been ultra kind to us, and stuff." Her eyes caught sight of the young taicho. "Oh! You are cute! You're also a captain!"

"Of course not Bazz-B. Bazz-B's different, albeit a damn nuisance." The other girl sulked in her corner.

"Oh good. But not good on you Candy-chan. I can't believe you want to bed him. He's just a kid."

"I'm not..." Toshiro's protest cut short.

"So? He's still a major hottie."

The young taicho felt his cheeks heat up despite the fact he wasn't exactly sure what the two were talking about. The other female though snapped at the other two. "Touch him Candice, and you're seriously dead."


	9. Silver Rain Drops

**Cancer  
** _ **Silver Rain Drops**_

The news Isshin brought remained brief, but the former taicho of the tenth simply saying that name meant a lot to the silver haired man. How Isshin knew the name would mean something to him Gin honestly didn't know, but then thinking back on it the man did have a connection to that even with the Quincy female prior to the young taicho's disappearance. Just as Gin kept his own secrets the member of the Shiba clan kept his own.

The man insisted that both Rangiku and Toshiro were fine, and that there was nothing that Gin could have done to prevent the two from getting hurt, but Isshin's comments didn't prevent the silver haired man from letting the information eat him up due to the fact he already felt guilty for the events of the Winter War.

" _I made mistakes back then, so it stands to reason that I'm making mistakes now. I thought I knew what I was doing in regards to Aizen, but was I really?_ " Gin let his mouth twist down into a frown. " _Was it worth keeping myself at a distance._ "

After finishing his smoke he went back to work for the day, and tried digging into the work. The fake smile remained plastered on his face as he dealt with the customers, but the fact he didn't know exactly what happened to Rangiku and Toshiro kept eating away at him. The young female co-worker blinked a couple of times. "Are you alright Ichimaru-san? You came back from your break, and it seems as if your moods changed. Even the customers are noticing."

"Sorry. It's personal."

"Yes, but..."

"I got some upsetting news over my break. I'll be fine." Gin continued to pretend as if nothing were wrong until near the end of his shift. The bell jingled, and the man looked up to see the darker haired twin step in without her twin.

Karin remained silent as he looked at him, and waited until the other customers left, and Gin was alone behind the counter. "What's your relationship with Toshiro?"

Gin's pale teal eyes looked the girl straight in the eye, and again her gaze ended up unsettling him. A shiver ran down his spine. "I'm not sure what yah talking about."

"He's like that too you know, avoiding the subject by pretending he doesn't know. He's really smart though." Karin's arms went up behind her head in a rather unladylike like manner.

Gin stared at the girl. _"How does Toshiro get along with her?_ " The man stared at the girl. "Let's say you are correct, hypothetically. How come you came to such a conclusion?"

"I don't know how. I just know." Karin looked at the man. "Since we're talking hypothetically, for some reason I hypothetically think you're related to Toshiro. By that I hypothetically mean..."

"Don't. Ya should hypothetically know I want you to start speaking right now." Gin watched the girl's mouth move slightly.

"What if I were to ask you..." The girl's words paused. "What if I were to ask you if you know anything about Toshiro and what happened to him?" The man stared at her, and wouldn't say anything regarding the subject. A customer came in to order something while Karin remained by the door way. When the customer left she spoke up again. "I apologize for asking. I was just hoping you had some kind of information."

" _So she cares about the kid. Lucky you._ "

Gin pushed back the voice of his zampaktuo into the back of his mind, and he watched Karin turn to leave. "Wait. Don't tell Ran-chan or Shiro-chan that I'm here. I've got my reasons."

The girl simply looked back at him as if he'd committed some act of betrayal, and then turn and left. Shinso spoke up again to purposefully annoy him. " _That's just you putting your own feelings on her ya know._ "

" _Ya know ya annoying?_ "

" _Ya know ya kinda give away things with the changes in ya speech patterns?"_

Gin choose to ignore the voice in the back of his head, and shifted his mind to the end of his shift. A soft drizzle fell outside of the cafe as he left, and an irritated sound came out of his mouth upon realizing he would need to walk in the rain to get home. The silver haired man also needed to pick up groceries from the corner store.

Gin arrived at the store, and felt the water in his shoes. Something made him think about how he preferred sandals with wet tabi socks to shoes with wet socks. He also didn't like the fact he smelled like the rain, or that the inside of the store began to reek when people kept coming in and out of the rain, even if the rain were a drizzle. Nothing on the shelves seemed appetizing, and he bought another box of cigarettes.

He headed back to his apartment and simply dropped everything on the counter before slumping down on the couch and staring up at the ceiling. The empty feeling, the feeling he tried escaping came surging back as the routine for the day was done. His eyes looked up to watch the fan blades go round, and round.

" _Something bad happened to Shiro-chan. I can't shake the idea something did._ "

" _It's not as if you can go and find out what's wrong. Well, not without making things wronger then before._ "

An irritated sound escaped Gin and he stepped out of his apartment with his box of cigarettes while leveling a bunch of curses at the zampaktuo spirit in the back of his head. He leaned over the railing to look at the water droplets scattered about.

" _Come on, talk to me._ "

" _I don't want to._ " Gin knocked back the ashes of his cigarette so they fell to the ground below. " _What's the point to talk about things we can't do anything about? Or do you enjoy tormenting me?_ "

" _Tormenting you? No. I just think you need to get over this._ " The zampaktuo spirit fell quiet for a few minutes, and then piped up again. " _Isn't Karin-chan fiesty like Ran-chan is?_ "

" _Fiesty like Ran-chan? I wouldn't say that. Those to are different._ "

" _Yeah, I'm talking about their personalities and not their tastes. If you really think about it that girl does have better taste then Ran-chan does, as Ran-chan choose you, and this girl choose the kid._ "

" _It's not real._ "

" _Are you saying this because you don't want it to be real, or because you think it would be nice if it were real, and feel that wishing for it to be so would only jinx the whole thing._ "

Gin's pale teal eyes blinked a couple of times, and his lower jaw dropped down for a few seconds. " _Do I want it to be real? I guess in some ways I do wish for Shiro-chan to have abetter future then me and Ran-chan, but a relationship with a girl in the world of the living?_ " A sigh escaped the man's lips. "You know as well as I that's just another disaster waiting to happen."


	10. Blackening Worries

**Cancer  
** _ **Blackening Worries**_

Toshiro titles his head as he took in the expression on the dark haired girl's face. His cheeks remained heated up due to the comments from the other two female, and he didn't pay much mind to the comment made by the darker haired female. He did notice the sulking, and rather bored look. Realization hit him that the blond haired female should be making another one of the uncomfortable comments, but when he turned his head he found no answer coming.

Before he turned his head to look at the dark haired Quincy female the jingling of keys was heard, and Toshiro glanced over his shoulder to see one of the Shinigami approaching with treys of food. The young taicho finally heard the blond speak. "Great. The lousy food is here."

Two teal eyes looked at the three girls as his had turned around. "Are you alright?" The Shinigami cleared his throat making the young taicho turn his head back to look at him. "What?"

"Should you be speaking to the Quincy, Hitsugaya Taicho?"

"Should you be talking at all?" The darker haired girl spoke up, and Toshiro turned his head back to look at her while the Shinigami slid the food into the other cells.

The young captain took a deep breath. "Let me in to speak with her."

The other Shinigami blinked a couple of times. "I don't think that is a good idea."

"Well, why not?"

The Shinigami stared at the young taicho while the blond folded her arms across her chest and chuckled. Out of the corner of his eye Toshiro noticed she refused to eat the food left for her. Looking out of the corner of his eye made his head hurt more, so he turned to look back and the Shinigami. "Why are you even here?"

"I was scheduled for a visit."

"Wasn't that for earlier today."

Toshiro's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times a he looked at the Shinigami. A silence fell over the two. "That's not an issue. If I'm here, I'm here."

"But going inside? I don't think your observational duties cover that, talking to the prisoners."

"Does it not?" The two bright teal eyes blinked again, this time only once. "I wish to speak to her."

"Why?"

"I don't know. It's an order."

The man opened his mouth to argue, while the blond haired female continued to laugh. Candace came to the jail cell bars and gripped them with her hands. "You've got to be crazy."

Toshiro watched as the Shinigami swallowed almost as if he agreed with him, but a pinching pain in the back of his head. The thought was pushed to the back of his head as the man unlocked the door, and muttered something about locking the door behind the young captain for security purposes. Two teal eyes looked right into the girls dark eyes as she stared back at him, and the young captain's ears picked up the fact the Shinigami was leaving.

"Seriously, she's going to blow your head off kid. She doesn't care that you're captain level, or even important. Plus, you're a guy. To bad you didn't come..."

"I thought I said not to touch him."

A breath of air escaped Toshiro's lips. "Not sure what you mean by that, or what they meant. Are you all right?"

The girl stared at him for an unmeasurable amount of time as the headache in the young taicho's head made things fuzzy. "I should be asking you that."

Toshiro's teal eyes blinked a couple of times as his vision became fuzzy, and then he felt his knees give way from underneath him. For a short period of time he found himself blacked out, and when he woke up he saw the dark haired female on top of him. His teal eyes blinked a couple of times as he looked up at the young female Quincy sitting on top of him. "I believe you said something earlier, but I can't remember."

"Seriously, this kid is supposed to be a captain?" Candace rolled her eyes.

"Maybe he's a pacifist." The voice of the magenta haired female spoke up.

"Nah. Shinigami aren't like that. Are you going to cut him in half like you usually do with your boy toys?"

"Wouldn't Bambietta-chan be able to escape if she were still able to form her blade?" The magenta haired female sighed.

"Oh, that's true. Why don't you play with this boy toy like, in a normal manner for once?"

"He's not a boytoy."

Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times again. "Could you get off of me?"

"Why?"

"I don't like being sat on." The young taicho glanced to the side and saw the girls hands were on his shoulder. She gripped his shoulder's hard, and the white haired youth shut his eyes slightly from the pain.

"I think..."

"You idiot!"

Toshiro's head turned to look up at the man glaring down at him. "You're upside down."

"You're the one whose upside down. You're lucky that Shinigami came and got me." Bazz-B glared at the young taicho. "Actually, you're very lucky considering her personality. Get off him Basterbine."

"Don't wanna."

"Do you want me to call out the Shinigami dogs?"

The young taicho winced as the girl suddenly shifted. "Doggies?"

"Oh Basterbine, he doesn't mean that kind of doggies." Candice laughed at her before going and sitting down. "Bazz-B, how about getting us better food? Or are you a Shinigami now?"

The man glared at the blond haired female and refused to speak for a short period. A smug look on Candice's face appeared, and Bazz-B finally choose to speak. "You really shouldn't talk that way to someone who whooped your butt in battle."

"The only reason you did that was because you pulled a sneak attack."

"Bazz-B wouldn't have whooped you guys asses if you hadn't let Gigi have her way."

Toshiro felt a shudder run down his spine upon hearing the name of Quincy who turned him into a zombie, or a personal puppet who moved against his own side. " _A lot of this is her fault._ "

The young taicho blinked a couple of times as a throbbing pain in his head. The man came over and looked down at the two before grabbing the back of the dark haired female's clothing. A quick tug pulled her up, and the weight lifted up off his chest. "Get up all ready."

Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times before standing up. He felt a wave of dizziness flood over him, and the nausea he'd forgotten about came back. Somehow the young taicho managed to push the feeling back into the pit of his stomach as he left the jail cells. He arrived at the entrance and blinked a couple of times. " _Exactly what am I to do now? Write up a report? There is nothing to report._ "

" _I wouldn't call you blacking out nothing to report._ "

The young taicho's body tipped forward slightly. " _That, no, don't need them to know that. Even though..._ "

A sigh escaped Toshiro's mouth as he tried wrangling his thoughts knowing full well there was something important he needed to remember about why he didn't want everyone to know. For some reason he again couldn't hear Hyorinmaru's voice.

Two teal eyes blinked a couple of times upon realizing someone was watching, and he turned his head to look right at the wall. He watched as the camouflage peeled away. Toshiro blinked a couple of times as he attempted to push back the dizziness whirling in his head.

"How long are you going to just stare at me."

Toshiro's bright teal eyes widened despite the pain caused by letting more light in. "Mayur!"

The captain of the twelfth division stared at him for a time Toshiro mentally couldn't measure. "You're supposed to be coming to my lab for testing purposes."

"Under whose orders." The words came out quick, and for some reason Toshiro found his next action to be biting down on the tongue while his head continued to throb.

"You're supposed to come because you need to, and if you need to you need to."

"I'm not going to be touched by you creepy assed pedophile." A string of curses escaped Toshiro's mouth soon after that. He felt another spell coming on, and felt his body tip back as he collapsed to the ground. Mayuri reached out to grab his arm, and the young taicho's gut reaction led to a small foot kicking the other captain in the face. "Don't touch me you damn pedophile!"

The young taicho felt his breath come in thicker as a panic came in, and he saw nothing in front of his face. Someone lightly grabbed him under his arms and lifted him up off the ground. "It's all right. Calm down."

"No tests. No tests from the twelfth. I absolutely won't go there."

"Don't worry." Kyoraku's voice whispered into his ear. "We're just going to take a quick trip to the forth. _"_

The wave of dizziness came back over him, and the young taicho blacked out again.


	11. Wilting Flowers

**Cancer  
** _ **Wilting Flowers**_

The first thing Toshiro felt as he woke up were soft sheets covering his limbs. The second thing he felt was the throbbing headache which bothered him for some time was gone, as was the nausea in the pit of his stomach. His bright teal eyes opened up to look at the ceiling, and another uncomfortable feeling washed over him. Everything still felt fuzzy, and he still felt as if he couldn't think straight.

His head tilted to the left to see a window with a nice view of the forth division courtyard and stared for a few minutes before sitting up. "I've got to get back to work." Despite saying this out loud Toshiro found himself unable to move. "How did I end up here?" No one was there to answer, and he found himself sitting in silence. The young taicho remained perfectly still, and finally came to the conclusion, " _I don't like being alone._ "

Even Hyorinmaru remained silent. After a bit of time one of the nurses for the forth division came in with a trey of food, and set it on his lap so he could eat. Toshiro stared at the trey of food trying to take in everything around him, but every thought ended up a blank space. His bone thin fingers also didn't strive to pick up the utensils to eat the food.

"You really should eat something Hitsugaya Taicho."

"I really don't feel like eating anything ." The young taicho continued to look down at the food. " _I really don't want to do anything._ "

Eventually the trey of food was taken away, though Toshiro's mind couldn't figure out the reason why. His mouth felt dry, and he didn't sense someone coming into see him, but their voice pierced his skull.

"Shiro-chan."

Toshiro's head darted up to look at the small female Shinigami standing in the doorway. "Hinamori..."

The young female came over and leaned over so she was right in his face, and a snagging feeling quickly hung over his shoulders making it o he leaned back slightly. Toshiro felt Momo's breath upon his nose, and his throat felt dry as she looked him right at the eye. The manner in which she looked him right in the eye made him feel even more uncomfortable. The act of barging into his personal space made the young taicho avert his eyes, and his skin broke out in a cold sweat.

"What did you think you were doing?"

Toshiro's bright teal eyes glanced back at her. "What do you mean?"

"I heard from Isane that you actually went into one of the cells with the Quincy."

"So?"

"What do you mean so?"

"It's not really any of your business."

"I think it is." Momo's cheeks flared out from irritation. Toshiro remained silent, and instead looked away in an attempt to ignore the loudness. He felt his lips twist up into a pout, but his mind remained to fuzzy to figure out why her words upset him. "Isane said something about how you were caught in an embarrassing position with one of them. You've got bruises on your shoulder from the encounter."

"What do you mean? I don't understand why said situation is an embarrassing situation." Toshiro turned to look at Momo, and he felt his voice strain deep in his throat as his voice cracked.

"No. You wouldn't. You're still a little kid, Shiro-chan."

Red appeared in front of Toshiro's eyes, and the next thing he heard was a slapping sound. His vision cleared despite the heat remaining in his cheeks, and he saw Momo's head turned away from him with a red mark on her cheek. Something about this felt good deep down.

Momo of course didn't agree, and instead reached out for his sore shoulders. "What ever is the matter with you? Shiro-chan, don't tell me you got into that position knowing full well..."

"Get out."

The female fukutaicho blinked a couple of times. "What."

"I hate you Hinamori. I really do."

"You don't mean that. You can't."

A string of curses left Toshiro's mouth. "What don't you understand about the fact I hate you?"

Momo's hands left his shoulder, and after a few minutes he realized she was gone. The pleased feeling he felt at first left, and instead was left with a dull ache. Toshiro felt his arms wrap around himself as his eyes closed shut. A knock on the door frame made the young taicho look up to see the head taicho smiling at him. Something told Toshiro that Kyoraku wasn't pleased with him, and he darted away.

"I heard you slapped Momo-chan awhile ago. From Isane-chan that is, who heard it from Momo-chan."

"She deserved it."

"Did she?" Kyoraku came over and sat down on the edge of the bed. "What happened?"

"She..." Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times. "I don't exactly remember."

"Then you can't be sure."

"I'm sure I'm sure! She won't stop treating me like a little kid, and then tells me that something serious happened with that Quincy girl, when nothing happened."

"Isane says she left bruises on your shoulders."

"And she didn't even grip me that hard."

Kyoraku took a deep breath. "You shouldn't have slapped Momo-chan though. Don't you also have Karin-chan?"

Toshiro's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "What are you getting at?"

"Eh, well if you don't get it yet that's alright. It will come with time."

The young taicho's lip formed into a pout, and his eyes narrowed into a glare as his arms remained crossed. "Seriously..."

"Toshiro-kun, are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine. I keep telling people I'm fine."

"You do, but you did black out twice back there. Isane-chan, I had her give you some medicine for dizziness and headaches."

"You had no right!" Toshiro swallowed as the words snapped out.

"Toshiro-kun..."

"I don't, I don't like how medicines make me feel. I don't like feeling right, I mean not right. I don't like being off balanced."

"But you were off balance without the medicine, were you not."

Toshiro felt his body tense up, and his cheeks clench. He pushed back the sheets with his free hand, and swung his legs over the edge. He stood up with no problems, and reached for his uniform.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"It looks like you're getting dress so you can go into the office despite the fact you know I'll forbid you to do so."

"No, that's not what I'm doing." Toshiro let his cheeks puff out in frustration. "And if you're going to tell me I need to apologize to Hinamori..."

"You do."

"After all she's done to me?"

Kyoraku let out a deep breath. "Well, I guess I can see why that would be a hard thing to do after everything she did, it's still the right thing to do." A smile cracked across the man's face. "Alright. If you're not going to the office, what are you planning on doing."

"I'm running away." The words came out of Toshiro's mouth with little to no effort. He then realized that Kyoraku hadn't responded to him, and looked up at the man to see the other taicho with a rather abused look on his face. "What? I said I'm running away, and I mean it."

"Toshiro, doesn't running away mean you've got some place to run to?"

"I've got Kurosaki's place to run off to."

"Oh, I see. You're going to lie low there until you're frustrations are gone."

"No, I'm going to be there gone."

"And what do you plan on doing while you're there?"

"I'm going to..." Toshiro stopped short. "Why aren't you trying to stop me?"

"Well, why are you doing this?"

"I'm dying."

"Why would you think that?"

"Something stupid Kurotsuchi said. Even if that weren't the case," Toshiro glanced down at the floor. "Truth is I don't know how much longer I'm going to survive."

"And?"

"And what else is there?" Toshiro looked up so he could glare at the man. "What else is there to say other then the fact I want a chance for once to live, and do something _other_ then being a Shinigami?" The young taicho's eyes widened, and he swallowed upon realizing what he said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

"I know. I know you didn't mean anything traitorous by your words." Kyoraku smiled at him, but something in the man's eyes screamed sadness. "Toshiro, this is the first time you've choosen to do something you really wanted to do, sin't it?"

"So what if it is?" The young taicho looked at the ground. "If I leave you've got to send Stealth Force after me."

"Do I?" Kyoraku let out a laugh. "I actually know exactly where you're going, and know that you'll be safe in Kurosaki's hands. Just make sure you get a limiter from twelfth division before you leave."

Toshiro's eyes narrowed. "This isn't some kind of trick to get me into twelfth division for tests is it?"

"No, it's not." Kyoraku titled his hat forward. "What are you going to do when you get there?"

"I'm going to go and play soccer with Kurosaki and her friends."

"How about instead asking her out on a date. Ask her to be your girlfriend why don't ya?"

Toshiro looked the man in the eye, and his eyes widened in horror. "What, no. I mean, I never said I liked her liked her."

"Oh, you didn't?" Kyoraku sighed. "I remember we had a conversation about how she was the one you wanted to live your life with, but I guess I'm wrong. Go have some fun for once, I'll call you if we need you."

"No, I'm not coming back."

"Really? I thought you would."

"I'm running away, remember? That means not coming back."

"I see, I see. Take care of yourself kiddo. And eventually you do owe Hinamori an apology.


	12. Painful Choice

**Cancer  
** _ **The Painful Choice**_

"You did what?"

"Come on now, we all know that he's going to be just fine at Kurosaki's place." Kyoraku sat at his desk looking at the three females in front of him. Rangiku leaned over his desk with her ample bosom nearly popping out of her uniform while Nanao stood behind her with a glare as well as her arms crossed. Poor Isane hung off to the side with her usual timid demeanor. Neither of the three females were pleased with the situation.

"Fine? My taicho's not _fine_."

"Rangiku's right, _o-jii-sama_. _"_ Nanao drew out the words as she pushed up her glasses to glare at the man. "It's bad enough you refused Isane the chance to draw blood while young Hitsugaya Taicho was unconscious in the forth division, and what? Based on a promise you had with him the other day? Why?"

"Do you really think now is a time to shake his trust in us?"

"My taicho slapped his foster sister! You can't possibly tell me that's normal behavior for him! You then let him proceed in doing other things which are highly out of character for him, and let him practically throw a tantrum and run away from the situation! That's what Ichimaru Gin did."

"Ran-chan..." Kyoraku held up his hands in an attempt to try and calm Rangiku down.

"Don't Ran-chan me! I'm quite aware that Kurotsuchi told you the how dire the situation is! The others of us who've been turned into zombies have gone through treatment for the side effects. Taicho's got to as well."

"It's also his choice."

A silence fell over the room as the head taicho's words hit hard.

"So we're just going to let him die?" The change in Isane's composure made Kyoraku's eyebrows raise up. "I mean, that's what's happening if he doesn't get any treatment. The result of treatment Kurotsuchi put them through resulted in various kinds of cancer. Throat cancer, cancer of the arm , and breast cancer. There is no telling what kind of cancer Hitsugaya ended up, but Kurotshichi said something about it being a genetic inclination involved."

Rangiku looked away. "The cancer's gone because of Kurotsuchi, mine and the other taicho. My little taicho though, he's still sick. Nobody else knows this but us four. I've not even told my taicho he's sick, and needs treatment."

"Except he does know." Kyoraku moved his arms behind the back of his head. "Hitsugaya Taicho knows all to well that he's dying despite the fact he doesn't know or understand why, and part of the reason he's acting out is because he knows this. He's also dealing with the fact a lot of the people he cared about are dead and gone as well. It wouldn't hurt to leave him to his own devices. Plus, there are those of us outside of this room who know. The captain of the third and ninth divisions, plus people at the twelfth division."

Isane glanced away trying to think over his words carefully. "Head taicho, I'm not sure how letting him have his way is going to help the situation. Each of the cancers would have killed off Matsumoto fukutaicho and the other two taicho in a years time had they not been treated. By not getting Hitsugaya Taicho treatment he's got a year, and from what Kurotsuchi's told me the young taicho's condition is worse, so only six months. The treatment escalated the progression, and his body's smaller."

Kyyoraku let out a sigh. "Oh, I thought of that. I've actually got a trump card up my sleeve. I don't think..."

"I don't care if you have a damn trump card up your sleeve! Haven't you heard how my taicho's words are slurring, and his behavior... I mean, you can't possibly assign all of that to him having a negative reaction to the war. Something's really wrong."

"Really, I have thought this all the way through ladies." The head taicho turned his head to look at Isane. "You know Hitsugaya's medical history better then anybody. Who are the people who are able to convince him to get some kind of treatment?"

The man watched as the color drained from Isane's face. "I'm sorry."

"I asked who the people are who can convince Hitsugaya Taicho to get treatment are."

"I heard that question." Isane looked at the ground. "Every single person whose able to convince him to get proper treatment is dead."

Rangiku's eyes widened. "Dead? What do you mean? Surely there is someone?"

"No. While third seat Hanataro may be able to treat Hitsugaya Taicho, he is not able to talk Hitsugaya Taicho into getting treatment. The people who were able to remain the former head taicho, the former head taicho's fukutaicho, my former taicho, the former taicho of the thirteenth division, the previous captain of the thirteenth division, the previous fukutaicho of the thirteenth division. That's it. All of them are dead."

"You forgot Ichimaru Gin, the previous captain of the third division. Though truth be told his method was to drag Hitsugaya Taicho to receiving treatment and holding him down." Nanao piped up, and her fingers pushed up her eye glasses."

"What about Hanataro? Taicho's fine with third seat Hanataro treating him." Rangiku gave Isane a panicked look.

"Yes, but third seat Hanataro doesn't have the training for this kind of thing yet, nor does he have the ability to convince Hitsugaya to receive treatment. The only person left to treat Hitsugaya Taicho is Kurotsuchi Taicho, and I doubt even the substitute soul reaper would be able to convince Hitsugaya Taicho to get treatment through him."

Nanao let out a sigh. "You're able to treat him, if push came to shove. I mean, if Kurosaki were to convince Hitsugaya to get the treatment he needed, you could go the old fashioned route ?"

"Yes, but..." Isane stopped speaking. "I think Kurotsuchi is the best bet, as the traditional methods, well, they're not exactly fool proof, and the recovery time, and the chances of having something bad result."

Rangiku took a deep breath. "You mean to say the head taicho is planning on having my baby taicho go the route of traditional rather then Kurotsuchi?" The woman turned to Kyoraku at that point. "Are you crazy?"

"I made a promise."

"And you shouldn't have." Nanao pushed up her glasses. "I know you're worried about Hitsugaya Taicho no longer trusting us, but this really is a matter of life and death isn't it? And him possibly loosing a skill which is important to him?"

"If it were just about him loosing trust in us I would have had him taken to the twelfth division already for treatment, and let him stew over it and later regain our trust." Kyoraku folded his fingers together. "He's afraid of Kurotsuchi and his treatments. There are almost always side effects to that man's treatments, and Hitsugaya Taicho figures there will likely be more."

"Surely they can't be as bad as what would happen? And this one, it didn't _have_ actual side effects." Rangiku shook her head. "I think you're making the wrong decision here."

"I'd say you're forgetting that our young taicho is still a child if it weren't for the fact I heard you call him your _baby_ taicho just a bit of go, Ran-chan." Kyoraku glanced at the desk. "I can't just think about his physical health. None of Kurotsuchi or the forth divisions methods can treat mental illness. Compile this with the fact Hitsugaya Taicho just recently went through a major battle which undoubtedly caused mental trauma."

"I still should have had some say in the matter! I'm as his fukutaicho his legal guardian while he's in the Gotei Thirteen."

"Ran-chan, even you noticed sending him to Kurotsuchi with the way he fears him wasn't a good idea. Otherwise you would have already forced him to go." He watched the three females glance away. "Look, I can't tell you the details of my plan, but I do in fact have some kind of plan which I hope will work. No, I have the feeling it will work because of whose involved. So you need not worry about such things."


	13. Ice Cold Droplets

**Cancer  
** _ **Ice Cold Droplets**_

Nothing about the situation felt right, particularly since the normal reaction of the head taicho would have resulted in immediate arrest or detainment. Kyoraku simply lt the young taicho leave with no fight what so ever, and for some reason this greatly bothered the white haired youth. " _Maybe it's because this is Kyoraku and not the previous head taicho,_ " was the first thought which crossed his mind, but the second thought for some reason was painful. " _Do I actually want somebody to care enough to stop me?_ "

The second thought quickly left once he entered the twelfth division to get the limiter placed on his powers. Toshiro's bright teal eyes darted around wondering if Kurotsuchi would appear out of nowhere, but instead he found himself under the care of Akon. The only comment regarding the nature of what Toshiro feared happening was a simple question regarding how he was feeling, to which the young taicho responded with the usual response of being fine.

A deep breath escaped his lips as he stood in front of the large gate, and he stepped through. Something about the limiter made his mind even more fuzzy, and yet somehow he managed to make it through the gate with no problems. His eyes darted up to look up at the sky above. "It's night time."

" _You hadn't noticed when you left young master._ "

A sigh of relief escaped Toshiro's lips. " _No. I'm glad to hear your voice again._ "

The dragon remained silent, and then spoke again. " _I'm worried about you._ "

" _Don't be. I can take care of myself._ " The demeanor of the ice zampaktuo somehow though dampened the young taicho's spirits as he stepped out of the gate, only to feel himself quickly plummeting to the ground. The young taicho landed roughly on the ground below, and a string of curses escaped his lips as he attempted to extract himself from the pile of trash. " _Just my luck_."

Toshiro stopped his actions for a few minutes, and looked up at the sky to see the gate above him. The young taicho's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. " _What happened?_ "

" _You forgot to use flashstep to get a grip on the air above._ "

" _I should know better._ "

" _Oh, I know that._ "

" _Stop mocking me Hyorinmaru._ "

" _I'm not. I'm simply worried._ "

Toshiro let out a sigh as his eyes closed, and then after a few seconds of letting the frustration wash over him he finally pushed himself up out of the pile of the trash to dust himself off. A deep breath escaped his lips as a dizzy spell hit, and his head suddenly felt heavier then norm. One thin hand reached up to touch his forehead as Toshiro swallowed deeply. His eyes looked down before his vision blurred. " _Maybe I shouldn't have come._ "

The white haired youth suddenly ground his teeth together as he thought about the purpose for coming. "No. I can't give up here." Toshiro tried pushing himself away from the wall, but stopped short. " _I'll just rest up here for a bit._ "

Again the young taicho lost sense of time, and yet a few cold drips of water pulled the boy out of his dazed state of mind. Toshiro looked up, and his bright teal eyes widened at the rain suddenly coming down. " _What the hell? What's up with my damn luck?"_

The black and white Shinigami uniform quickly stuck to his bone thin frame, and a shiver ran down his spine. The tips of his fingers and toes felt numb, and the rain did nothing to sooth the dry soreness of his lips. His bone thin hands reached around his bone thin arms in an attempt to warm himself up, but to no avail. Toshiro's bright teal eyes clamped shut against the rain, and drops of rain gathered on the edge of the eyelashes.

He found himself nodding off as he stood there, and his chin lowered down to his chest as deep breaths came out. In the state of being partially asleep he felt the rain slow, but payed it no mind. When he opened his eyes his vision blurred, but then his eyes snapped open. "I really need to be going. I'm not this weak."

Toshiro pushed himself away from the wall and began to walk towards the place he felt he needed to go. His senses felt muddled, and his eyes directed themselves down to watch ripples scatter across every puddle he came across. For some reason he stopped short, and turned to look at a particular place. His bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times as he looked at the rather small apartment complex.

" _Why's this place familiar? Inoue's? No, I've not been here before._ " Toshiro's eyes drifted up the metal stairway on the outside to the railing on the second floor. The young taicho's bright teal eyes widened upon seeing a similar sight, and his mouth opened only for his vision to blur again.

...

"You know as well as I that's just another disaster waiting to happen." Gin let out a deep puff of smoke, and watched the puff disappear up into the sky. He looked back down at the ground and froze. From his spot his pale teal eyes took in a silver head of hair, and a shiver ran down his spine as two familiar teal eyes looked back up at him. Gin took a deep breath. "How the hell did he..."

" _Think about who you're talking about._ " His zampaktuo laughed while the small taicho continued to stare up at Gin almost as if he didn't register that the silver haired man was there. " _You are so screwed, so screwed._ " Gin ignored the zampaktuo, and continued to stare down at the boy while the boy stared back up. The cigarette hung over the ledge as ashes dropped down to the ground below.

Then something happened.

Gin watched as Toshiro simply fell to the side, and landed on the sidewalk making the puddles splash. The man ground the cigarette into the rail, and left the butt sitting there. His bone thin hands shoved into his pockets as he headed down the stairs. Arriving near the boy he knelt down looking at the still figure.

" _Things don't feel right._ "

" _No, they don't_." Gin removed his hands from his pockets, and gently lifted the boy up off the ground. Toshiro's skin was cold to the touch, and his eyes shut tightly. The boy's rieatsu also flared back and forth in a manner which Gin didn't like. Without realizing what he was doing, he felt himself lifting the boy up into his arm. "Does Ran-chan know you're here Shiro-chan? I'd think she'd be worried about ya."

" _Yeah, she would be. She's not here though._ "

" _What am I going to do with ya Shiro-chan?_ "

" _Yeah, if you take him in and take care of him, when he wakes up he'll freak out on you._ "

Gin lifted up the small taicho, and began to carry him up to his room. " _No, but I've got to get my keys._ " He arrived at the door, and got the keys to lock the door. Doing so despite holding the youngster in his arms was to easy. " _Ya way to light Shiro-chan._ "

The man then headed out, and towards a particular spot. He came upon the small shop and stopped outside letting out a deep breath before trying to reach up to knock at the door. Gin's pale teal eyes blinked a couple of times when the door slid open. A man with a pin stripped hat appeared out at him, and Gin breathed a sigh of relief before handing the boy over to the man. "Sorry I can't stick around."

"I completely understand."


	14. Fluffy White Rice

**Cancer  
** _ **Fluffy Soft Rice**_

A nice warmth flooded over Toshiro as he lay upon his back. His eyes opened up to see the roof of a traditional style building, and let out a deep breath. The young taicho turned over onto his side, and realized that his clothes were missing, and his body was naked under the sheets of the futon. Strands of his white hair hung down over his eyes as he continued to look at the wall. Drool leaked from his mouth onto the pillow, and absentmindedly he reached up to brush the drool away.

The door to the room slid open and slammed against the end as a youth with red hair stood in the doorway glaring at him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Toshiro's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times before realization hit him, and the young taicho found himself bolting up. The blankets fell to his waist, and he felt a heat touching his cheeks with the tips of his ears. "You... what the hell's going on."

"How should I know! Urahara tells us we're supposed to save some breakfast for you because you're here in bed, and yet you don't come out and we still have to save some food for you. Well screw you!"

The young taicho stared at the young man as Jinta ranted and glared at him. Another though clicked in his head. "Where are my clothes?"

The fuzziness in his head wouldn't go away as he tried remembering why he was where he was. He took a deep breath when Hyorinmaru mentioned something about running away, and for some reason the memory came back with clarify, or at least enough clarity to remember the purpose behind running away, as well as the goal to play soccer with Karin. The memory of Kyoraku's strange comment also for some reason stuck.

The young taicho let his eyes drift around the room for his clothes, but Jinta felt the need to pipe up. "Put some clothes on already!"

"I would if I damn knew where they were! Where did..."

Urahara peeked around the corner. "You-hoo! Tessai washed your clothes, and they'll be ready as well as a gigai for you. You got rather soaked last night."

"I did. I honestly don't remember that happening." Toshiro looked at the man, and tilted his head to the side only to blink a couple of times as a pain pinged in his head.

The man stared for a few minutes. "Are you feeling all right Hitsugaya Taicho?"

"This fool made my head hurt, but other then that I'm fine."

"Let me get you some medicine for your headache then before getting your breakfast."

Toshiro's eyes widened. "I'm fine. I can also come for breakfast myself."

"Hmm..." Urahara stared at the young taicho making Toshiro rub the back of his neck.

"I need my clothes."

"Jinta will get them for you in the laundry room. You know where the room we eat is." The man disappeared on him while the red haired youth continued to glare at him.

The young taicho finally decided to glare back, and finally Toshiro spoke up. "As I said I need my clothes."

"Get them yourself why don't you?"

"I'm not exactly in a position where I can get my own clothes."

"Come on. We're both guys. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal? How about the fact you're an idiot."

Jinta glared at Toshiro some more, and then stormed off. "Fine. I'll get you your damn clothes."

A sigh escaped Toshiro's mouth, and he leaned against his hands while he closed his eyes. The next thing he knew his uniform was thrown at his head, and the young taicho heard Jinta muttering as he left. One thin hand reached up to brush away the uniform from his face before pulling the clothing on. He arrived at the table while Tessai handed him some food.

The red head from Urahara's shop sat on the other side of the table while Toshiro began to eat the food given to him. The first bite tasted strange, and the young taicho felt his face twist up, but he continued eating. Tessai's voice made him nearly jump out of his skin. "How do you like the food young Hitsugaya?"

"It tastes a little funny for some strange reason, but it's edible." Toshiro looked up and thought he caught a smirk on Urahara and the young female shop attendent, but instead brushed it off.

"Sometimes ones ability to taste becomes thrown off because of a cold, or something of the like."

"I'm not sick, or at least I hope I'm not." The food continued to go into Toshiro's mouth, and for some reason the slight ping he felt that morning also went away.

Urahara pulled out his fan and proceeded to hide the smirk on his face. "S o tell me, what are you doing here in the living world?"

"I ran away."

A silence fell over the room as all four stared at him, and then Jinta broke out in laughter. "Wait. Did you just say, you, a captain of the Gotei Thirteen, are running away?" The teen toppled over. "My god that's a laugh!"

"Pray tell me what's so funny." Toshiro stopped eating, and looked right at the young man. Two teal eyes watched as the other young man gulped.

"Well, that is..."

"So, what are you planning on doing today?" Urahara asked. "Do you need a job?"

The young taicho looked at the man. "I'm planning on playing soccer with Kurosaki and her friends. I'll be staying with them for awhile." Toshiro felt a frown spread across his face as he remembered a familiar face from the night before. "That's odd."

"What might that be?"

"I must be, I mean last night, hallucinating. I swore I saw Ichimaru, but he's dead." Toshiro set his finished plate down on the table.

"Does Karin-chan know you're here?" Urahara flicked his fan shut.

"Well, no. I thought I'd surprise her." Toshiro's bright teal eyes darted back up upon hearing Jinta burst into laughter again. "What so funny this time?"

"What's so funny? Try the fact you're going to surprise Kurosaki Karin of all people! She hates surprises!" Jina leaned back. "Dude, you are a complete and utter idiot looking for a beating from her."

"What's wrong with that?" The words came out of Toshiro's mouth without a pause, and another silence fell over the room.

"Like seriously..." Jinta stopped laughing. "Do you have some kind of sick, masochistic crush on her or something? That's just, creepy you know."

"First, so what if I am? Second, I never said anything about liking her."

"That's a rather weird order to mention things." Urahara snapped his fan shut.

"I'm not quite understanding what's going on." Ururu's voice remained quiet.

"Don't worry about it." Urahara let out a laugh. "So nobody knows you're here."

"I told the head taicho I was running away. He very well can send the stealth force out after me if he so choose to. I doubt I'd fight back though as that would cause to much damage to the real world. If he doesn't, then I'm not going back."

"Seriously..." Jinta glared at Toshiro. "What reason don't you want to go back? You've got the life there. You're a captain, likely have a lot of money, and as such a lot of cool stuff."

The young taicho set down his utensils. "Life? I almost died this last war. No, I likely did die, and am lucky to be alive now. I'm sick of it. Sick of always fighting. It's not just Hollows, but Hinamori's stupid stupidity."

"That's not really a word. Even I know that."

Two bone thin hands slammed down at the red heads comment, and the air in the room became thick with tension. "Well I don't care." Toshiro 's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times upon realizing his actions, and made a quick bow. "I apologize for my behavior. Thank you for the meal. I'll be leaving now so I don't bother you anymore."


	15. Soccer Balls

**Cancer  
** _ **Soccer Balls**_

Toshiro shoved his bone thin hands into the pockets of the pants of the gigai he jumped into after eating his food. A quick glance at the position of the sun told the young taicho that the day was nearing noon-time, and he headed over to the soccer field where he knew Karin and her friends came and hung out. He found himself sitting down in one of the benches next to the field.

By the time the first of her friends appeared the sun was higher, and indicated a couple of hours passed since he started sitting there, and a few others had gathered since he started sitting there. A few parents came with coolers as some elementary school students played a couple of games, and an empty feeling came over him as he watched the younger children have a normal life.

Karin and her friends finally arrived, and set about preparing to play a game against some others there age. No one noticed at first he was there, and then Karin looked up in his direction. The frown on her face quickly turned into a smile, and she stepped away from her friends to come and sit down next to him. "Toshiro."

"Hi." The young taicho stared down at the field, and watched as her friends waved at him. His hand reached up and absentmindedly waved his hand back.

"How are you doing?

Toshiro startled and turned to look Karin in the eye, and he felt his cheeks and tips of his ears heat up slightly. "Um... I'm doing alright. Why do you ask?"

Karin remained silent as her head drifted up to look at the sky. "I don't know. Something bad happened didn't it?" The comment from the girl made Toshiro tense up, and a thin hand reached up to rub his shoulders. "I'm not saying you've got to talk about what happened Toshiro, just... if you want somebody to talk to then I'm here."

"Things happened." Toshiro swallowed as he leaned forward, and let his hands hang down in front of him. A silence fell between the two, and without realizing he was still speaking in a low manner. "I kinda almost died, or maybe did for a bit."

The young female looked at him as the silence between the two continued. She then turned her head to look back up at the sky. "Does Ichi-nii and Rukia-nee know you're here? Ichi-nii seemed kinda worried about you."

"No actually." Toshiro looked up at the sky. "I kinda spontaneously decided to run away."

Karin's dark eyes blinked a couple of times, and she tilted her head to look at Toshiro. "Say what?"

"I said..."

"I heard what you said Toshiro. I mean to say that's a bit surprising." The young female took a deep breath. "So nobodies worried about where you are? Wouldn't Rangiku-san be worried about you? I mean, she's not going to know where you are. Nobody does."

"I guess she might be a little worried, but it's not as if nobody knows where I am. I actually told the head taicho that I'm running away, and he said he's perfectly fine with that."

Karin looked at Toshiro as her eyebrows rose up. "Say what? I mean, your head taicho was fine with you just, you know, suddenly pronouncing the fact you're running away?"

Toshiro let out a sigh and leaned back. "Yeah. For some reason he though I should..." The young taicho's eyes widened as he remembered the man's exact words. "Yes, well, I'm here to play soccer." He turned his head so he looked her right in the eye. "That is all right is it." Toshiro's breath drew sharply as he saw the look on her face. "Wait..."

" _Is that pity, or something else._ "

Toshiro watched as a sigh escaped her lips, and the back of her hand reached up to touch his forehead. "Are you absolutely sure you're alright today Toshiro? It kind of feels like you're not feeling as good as you say?"

The young taicho swallowed. " _She knows._ "

" _Don't lie to her then._

" _Yeah, but I don't want to ruin the moment. I don't know why._ " Toshiro found himself standing up, and his thin hands shoved into his pockets. "I'm fine. I can definitely play. Please?"

The look remained in her eyes, but for some reason Karin still smiled at him. "Alright. Do let me know if you feel like things are getting to much, alright?"

"Sure." Toshiro watched as Karin stood up and waved at her friends before proceeding to yell down at the guys that he would be joining them for the game. He felt himself wince. "You didn't have to yell though."

The white haired youth watched as Karin smirked at him, and he felt the corners of his mouth twitch up. Toshiro proceeded to follow her down the stairs to arrive at the soccer field. He soon found himself moving up and down the field. Out of the corner of his eye he saw one of the guys on the other team glaring at him, but pushed the freckled faced guy to the back of his mind.

The one thing that kept playing through his mind was the fact he enjoyed spending time with Karin and her friends, but the game finally came to a break in the game. He felt something felt sluggish compared to the norm during the game, but Toshiro watched as the dark haired girl took a drink from her water bottle before handing it to the young taicho. He took a drink from the bottle, and the water felt cool going down his throat.

"Eww..." One of Karin's friends wrinkled up his nose. "Indirect kiss."

Toshiro stopped letting the water go into his mouth, and let his eyes drift down to Karin's friend who made the comment. His bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times as he thought about the words, and then his cheeks heated up a deep red while another one of Karin's friends rolled his eyes. "Come on. We're supposed to..." The water in Toshiro's mouth spluttered out, and he began to choke on some of the water which came up as well. "... old for that."

Toshiro held up a hand to his mouth to try and hide his embarrassment while the thee guys who hadn't said the indirect kiss reference. "Does that mean..."

One of the boy's eyes widened as Karin tried to hide her amusement. "You mean you've never heard of an indirect kiss? It's when you drink or eat something after someone else has."

The young taicho felt his eyes dilate as he looked at the others. "Seriously? That means..." Toshiro's eyes snapped shut. " _I've kissed every single member of the wiman's society at some point in time. That's just, creepy._ "

"I mean, it's not as if you've done that very often, or that you have a crush on Karin."

The heat in Toshiro's cheeks increased, and he felt the eyes of Karin's friends on him. One of the guys, the one who mentioned the indirect kiss, sipped on his straw, but the others gave him a funny look. He took a deep breath to say something about not having crush on Karin, but one of the guys spoke up.

"Um... are you wanting Karin to beat you up dude."

"What's wrong with that. And seriously, I never admitted to liking, or not liking her" Another thought crossed is mind. " _I think I've said something like that before._ "

"Masochist."

"Creepy."

"You're going to get beat up for the last comment."

"Why..." Toshiro turned his head to look at Karin, and came to look her in the eye. For some reason Karin smiled at him despite the fact he saw the clear pain in her eyes. He felt himself freeze up, and his ability to speak left. " _I did tell Kyoraku that..._ "

Something hit him in the forehead knocking him back into the bleachers. A pain shot through his head, and his elbow. Momentarily he found himself blacking out.


	16. Budding Flowers

**Cancer  
** _ **Budding Flowers**_

The first conscious thought the youngest taicho of the Gotei Thirteen felt was the pain in his head and right elbow. Toshiro also felt butterflies in his stomach as he lay on a metal bench. His bright teal eyes fluttered open for a few seconds, and strangely the boy thought he saw a familiar silver head of hair, but his mind brushed the thought away due to the memory of said person dying.

A groan escaped his lips, and Toshiro felt someone sitting down next to his head in a gentle manner. The young taicho raised a bone thin hand to his forehead, and his mouth opened. "I'm sorry. I did something stupid didn't I?"

"Don't worry about it Toshiro. This wasn't your fault."

"Yeah, but what about your game? Where did the ice come from?" Toshiro opened his eyes, only to clamp them shut. A sigh escaped his lips as he used one hand to hold the ice pack to his forehead, and he used the other to sit up. He licked his lips and noted how dry his lips felt. He opened his eyes just in time to feel Karin scoot over so she leaned up against him.

"Don't worry. As I said that wasn't your fault, and we technically won the game because that other kid pulled that stunt of kicking the soccer ball at you. The ref kicked him off the playing field, and his team didn't have enough players to continue playing." Karin took a deep breath, and Toshiro heard her foot hit the bleachers as she pulled her knee up to her chest. "A better question is how you're feeling."

"How I'm feeling?" Toshiro pulled his own leg up as he continued to hold the ice bag to his head. He let the ice bag go down as he looked at his foot, and his teeth worried his bottom lip. " _I'm dying._ " A sound of irritation left the young taicho's throat, and he pushed himself up. "Does it really matter?"

Karin tilted slightly backwards as he hurried to stand up,, and he heard her turn around as he began to walk away. Toshiro's ears heard the dark haired teens feet hit the ground in a hurry, and soon she stood in front of him with her arms crossed. Her tone of voice remained firm. "It does matter. It matters to me."

Toshiro looked at her for a few minutes thinking of how to respond, and the mantra the academy taught him about emotions rattled through his head. "It doesn't?"

"Doesn't?" Karin's tone of voice rose. "How you feel does matter. As I said, it matters to me. I rather wish you'd understand what I meant by that."

"I don't." The young taicho looked her in the eye as his bone thin hands shoved into his pocket. Toshiro glanced to the side slightly so he wouldn't have to see the disappointed look on her face. "Look, I don't understand any of this. I don't know how to explain why I don't understand any of this. It likely feels odd due to the fact there are so many other things I do understand. It's frustrating"

"Actually, I get why you don't understand any of this. Hasn't anyone ever told you that it's all right to feel emotion?"

Toshiro turned to look Karin in the eye. "I've been told that recently. I was also taught in the academy that Shinigami shouldn't feel emotions." The young taicho watched as Karin looked away, and he felt a deep breath escape his lungs. "Why do I get the feeling you already knew that bit?"

"Don't know." Karin shoved her own hands into her own pockets, and she rocked back on her heals. "Emotions, they show that your human, and that you have a heart." The comment about the heart made Toshiro take a deep breath. The memory of being told he had a kind heart ran through his head, and the problem he wished to avoid pushed forward into his head. Karin turned her head so she looked him right in the eye. "What I'm trying to say is this. Whether you happy, sad, mad, I want to know how you feel."

Toshiro looked her right in the eye. " _How I feel? How do I feel about the fact I'm dying? It makes me scared, scared as hell. I'm also scared of that freak from the twelfth division. Plus, she's the one. She's the one as I told Kyoraku who I wanted to spend my life with, the last of my life. How though can I going to tell her? How am I going to tell her I'm dying? How the hell am I going to tell her that I..._ " Something clicked. " _That I like her._ "

The young taicho felt his cheeks heat up as he looked at the ground. " _I like her, and on top of not being able to tell her I'm not going to get to spend my time with her. I can't tell her, 'cause I don't know how to say how I feel. Never have. This is so not fair. I want to tell her._ "

Toshiro turned to the bleacher and kicked out despite the fact doing so hurt his foot. He turned back to talk to Karin. "I'm sorry. I don't know how to say this."

How Karin moved so fast he didn't know, but her arms quickly wrapped around him, and she rested her chin on his shoulder. She hugged him tight, and at first his tightly as a sudden feeling of sadness washed over her. The feeling almost felt like the feeling which sometimes occurred when two zampaktuo resonate as their blades crossed. The rush of feelings caused a shiver to run down his spine. Toshiro opened his mouth to say something to cheer her up, but he didn't know what to say.

"I already know you're dying, or at least that you firmly believe that you're dying." Karin's words made Toshiro's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times as the shock rushed over him. "I don't know how to explain how I know, but I've known since you showed up at the soccer field. I know you're also not feeling well. Please don't lock me out. I don't want to lose you."

Toshiro swallowed as his eyes closed. "Except isn't that what's happening? You know full well what I'm really running from, and you know that you're really losing me. And..." The young taicho closed his bright teal eyes. "I don't get it."

Karin's hands moved from his back to his shoulders, and she pushed herself away so that she stood arms distance from him. "Don't you know? As long as people have memories of you, you're never truly dead to those people. I want more memories to hold in my heart, is that a problem."

The young taicho let his bright teal eyes open. "Wait? Did you just say what I think you did?"

Karin's dark eyes blinked a couple of times as she looked at him. "What? I said that I want you to be a part of my heart, and that as long as I've got memories of you you'll always be there with me."

" _She did say what Kaien-dono always said._ " Toshiro let out a breath, and relief rushed over him. His bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "Wait, doesn't this mean..." Toshiro felt his cheeks heat up as he looked at the girl. " _Together forever, the person I want to be with._ " A choking sound came out as the young taicho found himself unable to speak. " _I don't know how to say it, let alone exactly what it is I want."_

Toshiro watched as Karin backed away and folded her arms behind her back. A smile crossed her face, and for some reason the young taicho felt that the dark haired female was emotionally quite happy at that moment. "You want me to be your girlfriend."

The young taicho felt the blush on his cheek as he tried to speak. " _Is that what I want? That's what Kyoraku said I wanted, but..._ " Something clicked despite the fog in his mind. "No, I don't want you to be mine. I want to be yours." Toshiro watched amusement spread across Karin's face. "What would that make me?"

"Toshiro, I don't want to be in a relationship where things aren't equal between me and my boyfriend."

Toshiro felt his facial features fall, and a different kind of pinging pain occur, one that he could identify as an emotional pain. " _She... did..._ "

"However, I also can't ask for my boyfriend to think of himself as my equal when he struggles with understanding his own worth to other people, and the best way to do this is for his understanding of himself to grow through our relationship."

Two bright teal eyes blinked in confusion. "I'm a tad confused."

"I know you are." Karin took a deep breath. "Translation, we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend, an official couple."

"I see." Toshiro continued to look at her eyes. " _This is what I want, right? This means..._ "

" _Young master, do you even understand what it means to be boyfriend and girlfriend, to be in such a relationship._ "

A squeak left the boy's mouth. "Wait, what exactly does this involve. I know, I really do, that this is what I want, but I _really_ don't know what this entails."

Karin rocked forward and plucked a kiss onto his cheek causing the blush to flare up again before rocking back. "This means we're going on a date."

"Kyoraku said something about that, but what exactly is a date?" Toshiro watched the amused look on her face. "What?"

"I get the feeling there's a story behind this, isn't there. Tell me. _That_ ' _s_ the first step Toshiro."

"Kyoraku, he's the head taicho, the one I told I was running away. I told him I was going to play soccer with you, but he said... "Toshiro took a deep breath. "He said, 'how about instead asking her out on a date. Ask her to be your girlfriend why don't ya?"

Karin's smile sparkled, or at least in the young taicho's mind her smile sparkled. Something about Karin made him feel better despite everything that happened, and would likely happen. "A date's pretty much spending time together. It's pretty much what we already do, but instead of hanging out as friends, we're hanging out as something more then that. I know it's confusing, but let me handle it. Our first date. Because I know what do do despite the fact gossiping about this stuff's not my thing. Alright."

"Alright. I trust you."

"I like hearing those words. That you trust me Toshiro."


	17. Finding Childhood

**Cancer  
** _ **Finding Childhood**_

Gin was a people watcher.

His favorite hobby involved watching people.

He watched people so he could better understand him, and because originally he found himself unable to understand others. As time progressed he found himself understanding more, and more how people acted, but not actually understanding people. There always seemed to be a barrier between him and others. Rangiku and Toshiro though seemed like an exception to the rule.

Back in Soul Society this hobby of his tended to get him in trouble, or at least cause people to back away from him as if he were a snake in the grass. His presence always seemed off setting to other people, and in part this seemed to be in part because he wished it to be this way, but in part the reason was because he simply was that way.

Something about leaving Toshiro in the hands of Urahara made the empty feeling Gin felt hurt even more, but on the other side he knew the boy would be in good hands. " _The fact you brought Toshiro to the boy, you do realize that means he'll know something isn't right. That means you can go ahead and leave._ "

Gin stood on the roof nearby ignoring the zampaktuo spirit in the back of his head. When the sun rose the next morning he found himself calling in on his cell saying he wouldn't be able to make it into work, and that the issue that came up the day before needed to be taken care of. He sat there watching as the sun came up, and yet Toshiro didn't come out until a bit later.

He watched the white haired youth walk out with his hands in his pockets, and slowly he followed after the boy. He watched as Toshiro sat down at the bench at a soccer part, and he watched Toshiro proceed to also people watch. Gin leaned up against his knee wondering why Toshiro found an interest in this particular place. For some strange reason Toshiro seemed to be enjoying the soccer game played by a very young group of kids played.

Then _that_ girl showed up.

Gin's pale teal eyes opened up , and he leaned forward a little bit to watch the interaction between the two. Something made Gin want to hear what was being said between Toshiro and the girl, but being able to hear meant being closer, and that meant Toshiro would know he was there.

Something though about the way Toshiro interacted with the girl made the empty feeling start to ease away. " _I never though I'd see the day when he'd interact with someone of his own age. I still remember when he was younger, and I could expect him to be picked on by the other kids just because of the way he looked._ "

To Gin's surprise the boy actually waved at the girls friends, and acted in a sociable manner where once Toshiro would never have tread. His zampaktuo chuckled in the back of his head. " _That girl's had a positive effect on Shiro-chan._ "

Gin took a deep breath. "It's not just that. Shiro-chan's actually grown up quite a bit in the last year."

" _Are you upset about how much you've missed seeing him grow up into a fine young man?_ "

" _The fact I missed seeing him grow up this past year is a mute point. It's honestly only fair considering Rangiku didn't get to see him grow up when he was younger. It's good to see that he's..._ "

The words refused to come to Gin's mind, and the zampaktuo pointed out why. " _You can't say he's doing well because he's not. On the positive side though he is taking a chance to do something he wants to do, rather then being stuck in that office. Or like when he was little watching longingly from the side lines._ "

" _He's not alone anymore, and for that I am glad._ " A laugh somehow managed to escape Gin's lips as Toshiro proceeded to join others his own physical age for a game of soccer. The white haired youth's skills at the game out paced the others, but he still acted like he was equal with the others.

" _Well, he knows what it's like to not be treated like an equal._ "

" _He's not moving right._ " Gin heard the zampaktuo quiet down in the back of his head. " _He's moving better then his peers, but not anywhere near as good as he should be moving. What's..._ "

" _He's still injured? Got some kind of cold or something?_ "

The silver haired man let out a sigh as he continued watching, and even moved closer. Toshiro's gaze never once looked up at him despite the fact Gin was now in clear view. Instead the boy's gaze would drift over to his teammates, and when they lighted upon the dark haired female a glow appeared in Toshiro's bright teal eyes, and the boys mouth twisted up slightly at the corners.

" _Doesn't matter. I can't force him to get treatment, or rest up at this point without drawing attention to myself. Plus, I don't remember the last time I saw him so happy._ "

Gin's eyes carefully scanned the entire field, and his eyes caught sight of a young man with freckles on his face eying Toshiro with disdain. " _'cause Shiro-chan's obviously better? Something to do with Karin-chan there to?_ "

The children finally stopped for a break, and Gin watched as they gathered around. The silver haired man watched Toshiro carefully, and noticed how the boy kept looking at Karin as the group talked, and he watched as the boy took the water bottle Karin handed to him. Something caused the boy to spit out the drink, and his face turn red.

One of Gin's eyebrows rose up in amusement. " _He really does like her. Did I ever show that kind of interest in Rangiku?_ "

" _I don't know. You were rather more, how yo put it. You knew your feelings for that woman, and you stuck to her like glue 'cause of said feelings. I don't think Shiro-chan's yet admitted he has feelings for her, or if he has yet, he doesn't know what to do with them._ "

" _Yeah, I kind of was clingy with Rangiku. That's rather not a cool thing to do, and it's in his personality to do the same thing. At least though he's got more social interaction then I do._ " Something drew Gin's attention away from Toshiro who for once seemed ultra distracted, and towards the young man with freckles. Some kind of warning signal went of in his head, and yet before he could react the young man had kicked the soccer ball.

The silver haired man stood up as the ball slammed into Toshiro knocking him back into the bleachers, and the instinct to go after and maim the youth with the freckles surged forward, only to feel a different threat. Gin turned his head over to the dark haired girl, and noticed that intense glare, and she mouthed a very clear message. " _Don't you dare._ "

He watched as Karin got up and stormed over to the young man who stood their smirking to his friends about his accomplishment only for the smug look to be wiped away with a hard punch to the jawline. The referee who'd watched the game came over and separated the two, then pointed at the entrance to the park to the young man. Something about the boy's movements indicated that he felt Karin should receive the same treatment.

Gin felt his teeth ground together, and his eyes darted over to Toshiro before standing up. "Excuse me."

"Look, I've got it handled mister."

" _Fiesty, isn't she._ "

"Why is it I'm getting kicked off for kicking the soccer ball at that kid, but she's not getting kicked off for punching me."

"Look, I can't be having you on this field if you're kicking balls at people's heads. While that girls actions weren't right, she wouldn't have punched you if you hadn't hurt her friend. I've also got to see to whether that kid's all right." The man turned to Karin. "Next time let an adult handle the situation."

"Fine." Karin stood there with her hands crossed before walking back to Toshiro with Gin and the ref.

" _This is a risk stupid._ "

" _I know._ " Gin walked over to the young men and watched as Karin told them to get certain supplies from various other parents, and they soon scattered. Gin turned to the ref. "Look, we've got the situation handled. He'll be fine, and if he needs to get medical treatment we'll make sure of it."

The ref sighed. "I'll be prepping to ref the next game. Let me know if we need to call an ambulance."

"Will do. Bye-bye now." Gin waved at the man as he disappeared.

"You're rather creepy."

"You're creepy yourself kiddo."

"I mean that adult wouldn't have left if you hadn't creepped him out. If you and Toshiro didn't look like you were related he might have called the police on you." Karin reached out for an ice pack one of her friends handed her, and a bandage for Toshiro's banged up elbow. She told her friends to get lost, as they'd only be in the way.

Gin heard groan come from Toshiro's mouth as he shoved his hands down into his pockets. His zampaktuo spoke up in the back of his head. " _Run._ "

"You should leave to. You said you didn't want Toshiro to know where you were."

"He found me last night. I don't know how he did it, but he found me."

"Still, I get the feeling it would cause a lot of trouble for both of you if Toshiro saw you."

"I'll still be nearby." Gin turned to leave, and thought he saw Toshiro's eyes flicker open for a few seconds, but shrugged off the coincidence.


	18. On the Big Screen

**Cancer  
** _ **On the Big Screen**_

Karin knew the moment she saw Toshiro that something was wrong. The young taicho who

normally acted in a highly focused manner now acted in an unfocused manner, and fear and self-doubt. The young taicho tried telling her he was alright, but she knew better as she could sense the fact he didn't feel well. The feelings coming of Toshiro also included confusion, and the feelings of attraction which only added to the feelings of confusion.

The two talked, and Toshiro denied anything bad was going on. She heard him say, "I kinda almost died, or maybe did for a bit."

The words were something Toshiro didn't want her to hear, so she pretended she didn't hear. She did know the moment she saw him that the feeling of fear pertaining to dying was there, and that he obviously thought he was dying. She then heard his amusing comment about running away, and he knew full well what he was running from, but again she said nothing. Karin could also sense a familiar presence, one that she felt at the small cafe the other day, nearby, but again she said nothing.

Playing the game with him, getting to spend time with Toshiro felt good, and the teasing her friends put him under regarding indirect kisses amused her, as did the teasing regarding Toshiro's odd outlook regarding their friendship and where he wished it to go. " _Masochist you are, you weirdo. I like that about you despite the fact I don't like buying into the whole routine. Particularly since you don't realize you're doing it let alone enjoying it._ "

She wasn't though expecting the soccer ball to come out of nowhere, or to find herself storming over to punch Hashigami in the face. The ref of course came over and interfered, and to her surprise the silver haired man stepped away from the bleachers to interfere. She found herself wondering why he did this despite the fact he remained hidden, and finding out Toshiro somehow found the man surprised her, but not really considering the bond she sensed.

Treating Toshiro's injuries allowed her to help him, but she knew she wanted to do more. Somehow what she'd been waiting for, for him to confess his feelings and ask her out, finally happened. She'd thought of many different ways it would happen due to Toshiro's struggle with social cues, but this way wasn't what she ever dreamed of. " _Just go with it._ "

She found herself looking at the young man . "I know it's confusing, but let me handle it. Our first date. Because I know what to do despite the fact gossiping about this stuff's not my thing. Alright."

Toshiro's face lit up with thankfulness, and words she never thought she would ever hear from his mouth came out. "Alright. I trust you."

Those words helped much of the sadness creeping around to fade way. "I like hearing those words. That you trust me Toshiro." She thought about taking his hand, but thought such a thing would move to fast. Instead she told him to follow after her, and they arrived at a movie theater.

"We've never done this before."

"Oh, I know we haven't." Karin turned her head to look at Toshiro. A bit of worry reflected on his face. "What is it?"

"Well, I don't have any money either."

"I'll pay."

"Is that proper etiquette for dates?"

Karin took a deep sigh. "Well, there is the fact normally the guy pays, but that's also a bit old fashioned. Women shouldn't be subjugated to playing second wing." Out of the corner of her eye she saw Toshiro thinking, and for a bit she worried due to his old fashioned mannerisms. "What is it?"

"That sounds like something Ise and the others would say."

"Who?"

"She's Matsumoto's best friend I guess. She's also the former fukutaicho of the eighth division, co-fukutaicho of the first now, and the vice-president of the women's society." Something else clicked in Toshiro's mind as his facial features wrinkled up. "Um..."

"What is it now."

"I'm actually eaten off something or drunk off something each member ate before." His frown twitched from one side to the other as he tried thinking over the thought. "Indirect kiss means I kissed every single one."

"Toshiro, indirect kisses aren't real. It's just this cute, fluffy concept which kids, girls my age think is utterly cute and romantic, and guys my age, well... you saw how my one friend thought it was gross."

"Still... the thought I kissed all of them... that's just weird. That's like..." Toshiro's head tilted to the side, "... kinda like kissing ones sister."

"You have a sister?"

"Kinda." Toshiro's hands jammed into his pants pocket as he looked up at the movies listed. "Hinamori and I, we were raised by the same old lady. I thought it was my job as the oldest male in the family to protect everybody, but.." Toshiro's bright teal eyes looked down. "I wonder if she even thinks of me as family." A sigh escaped his head as he rubbed the back of his head. "Truth be told I hit her 'cause of that. I was tired of the fact she, I don't know. It's been different since, well, for a long time."

"You hit your sister? Do you hit her often?" Karin felt her stomach lurch.

Toshiro's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "Does stabbing her with my zampaktuo spirit because somebody with the ability to create illusions made me think she was them count?"

Karin tilted her head to the side, and her voice filled with amusement. "No..."

"Does spitting watermelon seeds at her count?"

A laugh escaped the female teens mouth. "Toshiro, why would you spit watermelon seeds at her."

"'cause she wouldn't stop talking about that guy I thought was stabbing." These words from Toshiro made Karin bust into laughter. "What's so funny?"

"Listen to yourself! You sound like the little kid whose upset that his big sis took a liking to some guy, and feels that guy is taking her away. Or maybe even their mom being taken away. That..."

"... is actually how it was." Toshiro's words made her look at him. "He did take her away. He did something, well, let's just say the person I thought was my sister trusted that person over me." The boy turned to look her in eye, his bright teal eyes filled with confusion. "Wait, do you really think Hinamori actually, well, you know, had, I don't know... the feelings I have towards you for that guy?"

Karin took a deep breath. "I guess that's a close comparison, but I think there is a difference between your feelings and hers."

"What would that be."

"Your feelings are healthy, but hers sounded delusional. Would you ever choose me over her?"

"Yes, but then we don't have a relationship like that. I'd also choose you over granny and Matsumoto, but that's only because they'd both be mad at me if I didn't. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to choose." Toshiro looked away. "Don't really understand the feeling, but I don't want to end up like Hinamori."

"I don't think you will. Still, it's rather funny that..." Karin took a deep breath. "Actually, you're pretty good at reading people."

"No I'm not. I don't get this, you're feelings in all of this. This dating thing."

Another laugh escaped her mouth. "Oh, I don't mean understanding the social motivations, or motivations for doing thing. You're just, I don't know how to explain it."

"Why do you like me?"

"Because you're you." Karin watched the confusion spread across Toshiro's face. "Well, I guess you could say I like the fact you treat me like I'm one of the guys, but also realize I'm a girl. Most guys our age are also major perverts, but you... you're not." The young female suddenly crossed her arm with Toshiro's as she leaned into him. "You don't care about looks, unless you count the fact we both know you hate the way you look. You've also got an amazingly kind heart."

Toshiro took a deep sigh. "That."

"That? What's wrong with having a kind heart?" Karin looked at him.

"'Because that's what seems to get me in trouble during battle."

"That just means you're human, and still you. It means I've not lost you." Karin pointed up at an Anime movie with mecha. "Let's go and see that one."

"Sure. I've honestly not done much of this, if any." Toshiro's eyes sparkled with curiosity. "Looks a bit, weird."

"Oh, wait until you get to see it."

Karin tugged him over to the ticket booth, and paid for the tickets. They heading into the theater, and she bought popcorn. Everything went well... until she felt Toshiro's head nod onto hers, and she tilted her head to see he'd fallen asleep. A deep sigh escaped her lips as her free hand reached over to touch him lightly. " _You really aren't doing well, are you?_ " A feeling of guilt washed over her. " _And there's something that scares you back there, so you're not willing to get treatment._ "

" _Dad, maybe he can do something. I hate doing this, but I should._ "

When the movie finished she nudged him awake, and smiled at him. "So, how did you like the movie?"

Toshiro's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "The movie. It was pretty good."

"Oh, then what happened in the movie." The urge to tease him wasn't something Karin could resist.

"The movie?" A blank look passed over Toshiro's face. "You know. The villagers go looking for Rurouni in hopes of saving their village, and the seven samurai comes to save them. Many end up dying."

A silence fell between the two as Karin stared. "Toshiro, that movies Seven Samurai from the nineteen-fifties."

"Yeah, ironically it's the only movie I've ever saw. It's kind of funny, 'cause one of the reasons I always spit watermelon seeds at Hinamori, it's because she always calls me Shiro-chan. I don't get why she insists on calling me by a girls name."

"I see. Hey, let's go to my place. One of the things about being my boyfriend means you get introduced to my dad."

Toshiro turned to her, and his eyes sparkled again with curiosity. "That's weird."

"Getting to meet my dad?"

"No. Just, he's never been around. It's almost as if he can sense when I'm there, but that would be really silly."

Karin pushed her lips together. Really? Well, why don't you just hide your rieatsu. Plus, I'm sure Ichi-nii and Rukia-nee will be glad to see you."

"Sure. I'd like to see Ichi-nii as well. Not sure how he'll like us dating though."

The young Kurosaki female bit back a laugh as a visible shudder ran down Toshiro's spine.


	19. Startling Surprises

**Cancer  
** _ **Startling Surprises**_

Ichigo lay on his bed enjoying the quiet while Rukia lay on the bed next to him facing the other direction. Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Rukia's feet remained up in the air moving back and forth. The relaxing atmosphere didn't erase the fact the orange haired teen felt worried about the young taicho. Kon's voice came from the desk making Ichigo sit up and glare at the stuffed toy.

"Come on Ichigo! This is boring!"

The orange haired teen scooped up the pillow and tossed it at the stuffed animal knocking Kon onto the ground. He pushed himself up off the bed, and headed down the stairs. Rukia stood up and followed closely behind. "You're still worried about Hitsugaya Taicho."

"Hell yeah." Ichigo arrived at the bottom of the stairs as the door opened, and his eyes widened upon seeing the person he was thinking of step into the room with his darker haired sister. The orange haired teen jammed his hands into his pockets. "Yo! Toshiro, what's you doing with my sister?"

Toshiro looked up from where he stood, his bright teal eyes wide. He stared at the orange teen for a few minutes, and for a few seconds the boy's cheeks turned red. The boy then did something Ichigo didn't expect, and the young taicho reached out to hug the older teen. Ichigo was also quite sure Toshiro called him by the pet name his sisters used as the boy buried his face into Ichigo's front side.

A calloused hand reached up to ruffle the white head of hair. "Hey, I guess you're here for dinner Toshiro? I'll let Yuzu know we'll be needing an extra plate."

"Yup. Toshiro's here for dinner Ichi-nii." Karin reached out to grab the sleeve of Toshiro's clothing, and tugged him over to couch to sit down. "I'm also going to introduce him to dad. That's all right isn't it."

Ichigo froze. " _Introduce him to dad. They already know each other. And the reason..._ " The orange haired teen swallowed. "Hey Karin, why would you want to introduce Toshiro to dad? Dad's not exactly someone you'd want to introduce people to if you can. He's kind of, loopy you know."

Toshiro rose up slightly on the couch to peer over. "Yeah, well, he can't possibly be as nutty as my former taicho."

A cough escaped Ichigo's mouth, and Ruki's eyebrows darted up. She leaned over and whispered into his ear. "First, there was something about what Hitsugaya Taicho said that you know about. Second, I'm kind of inclined to agree with you that somethings wrong with Hitsugaya Taicho. I mean, he _hugged_ you. He _hugged_ you of all things. And also, the way Karin is acting."

"I know, that's just weird." Ichigo leaned over. "I probably should have mentioned this sooner, but I wanted to talk to Rangiku-san and Toshiro about it, but..." The orange haired teen swallowed. "... my dad actually _is_ Toshiro's former taicho."

Rukia blinked a couple of times. "So you becoming the taicho of the thirteenth division isn't that odd."

"I guess not."

Rukia shook his head. "And Karin's behavior. It's as if the two are dating or something, but Hitsugaya Taicho wouldn't..." The fukutaicho of the thirteen took a deep breath. "He wouldn't commit such a breach of protocol. I mean, unless of course..."

"Is it really such that big of a deal if they are dating?"

"You're actually fine with your sister dating a guy?"

"Why not? I don't think I could ask for a better guy then Toshiro. Though truth is I'd actually prefer it if I could tease him about his crush on my sister some more. Did I tell you about the time she brought him home, and Yuzu kept referring to them as boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"Yeah, no." Rukia shook her head. "You haven't."

"Well, both of them denied it, and I was reading a newspaper, and I put it down. Asked Toshiro what he was up to with my sister in a rather serious tone."

"You..." The dark haired fukutaicho shook her head. "You're just to cruel Ichigo."

"His reaction was hysterical. That's when I knew though. Told him I couldn't help it either." Ichigo looked over at Karin and Yuzu. He walked over and leaned over the back of the couch, and watched the two sitting on the couch. "Seriously though Karin, why do you want to introduce Toshiro to dad?"

"Why wouldn't I want to introduce my boyfriend to dad? As I told Toshiro that's a normal thing to do."

A silence fell over the room, and Rukia came over. "Boyfriend? Hitsugaya Taicho . You do know that there are rules regarding fraternization with those in the world of the living. "

"Kyoraku said it was all right. He even encouraged me to act on my feelings."

"He would, wouldn't he." Rukia's voice tightened up, She leaned over to whisper into Ichigo's ear. "The head taicho's up to no good."

"I guess."

"I'm going to go and get dad now." Karin pushed herself up, and headed to the door.

Ichigo grabbed her shoulder. "Wait. Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, dad's likely to freak out if he knows you're dating a guy. He'll run to mom's picture, and start bawling. So..."

"I got that." Karin glared at her older brother. She spoke in a low voice. "There's another reason I want to introduce Toshiro to dad though, but don't say anything to Toshiro. It's important, but worth the risk."

"Yeah, but..." Ichigo watched as Karin disappeared into the clinic part of the building. "This is not going to end well." The orange haired teen walked over to sit down beside Toshiro. "Hey, about my dad."

"No matter what he's like, I'm going to hold my tongue."

"That's not..." Ichigo took a deep breath. "Toshiro, do you know how I'm part Shinigami right?

"Yeah."

"Well, about who my father is..."

The door to the clinic opened up before Ichigo could explain anything. Soon after the sound of the door opening came the sound of Karin's voice. "Come on dad, stop crying about how I can't possibly have a boyfriend and let me introduce you to him."

Ichigo let out a sigh knowing his father would speak next. "Misaki, there's no way..."

Instead of his father continuing into the tirade, and running to the poster, the end result being Isshin staring at Toshiro while a silence fell over the room. The orange haired teen watched as Toshiro stared at the former taicho of the tenth division, and wondered if the young taicho would react in a negative manner. Toshiro however simply stared back at the man with equal force.

Karin cleared her throat, and folded her arms across her chest indicating she knew full well something was up. The dark haired twin opened her mouth to say something, but footsteps were heard on the stairway as Yuzu came down the stairs. She looked at the others in the room with a smile on her face. "You're finally introducing your boyfriend to dad Karin?"

Ichigo watched as Toshiro's finger went up to point at Isshin while the man stared in a rather flabbergast manner. The orange haired teen tilted his head. "Hey, Yuzu. Since Karin's introducing her boyfriend to dad why don't you and Rukia go to the store and get something special." Rukia glared at him as Ichigo pushed her and Yuzu out the front door. He whispered into her ear. "Please keep her away for a bit."

He then shut the door behind them, and turned back to where Toshiro still pointed at Isshin, and Isshin's jaw dropped to the ground. Karin now glared at him with a look that said, " _I know you're hiding something... again._ "

Toshiro finally moved from the spot, and walked over to the man. "Taicho?"

Isshin's mouth snapped closed long enough for the man to reach up to rub the back of his head. "Toshiro, I know you've grown since I last saw you, but you're not old enough to be dating."

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"Kyoraku says otherwise."

Isshin took a deep breath. "That old oji-san would, wouldn't he."

"He's head taicho know you know."

"I already knew that."

"I ran away and hit Hinamori."

Ichigo's eyes widened, and he felt his jaw drop. "Hold it! What are you talking about!"

"Toshiro," Karin let out a sigh. "Sometimes you're a tad bit more truthful then you need to be."

The orange haired teen swallowed. "Exactly what are you thinking Toshiro?"

"That I'm fed up with everything."

Isshin's eyebrows shot up. "Toshiro-kun, are you feeling all right."

"Completely fine."

Ichigo took a deep breath.


	20. Painful Paths

**Cancer  
** _ **Painful Paths**_

"I want you to meet my boyfriend."

Isshin stopped filling out the paperwork sitting on his desk to look at Karen. The man's mouth refused to open as a few thoughts crossed his mind. " _Come on. It should be awhile until they're dating. And Karen dating first._ " The man's mouth finally moved. "Is this some kind of joke on daddy Karin-chan?"

"No." Karin's hands reached out to tug on his uniform, and Isshin found himself standing up and leaving the paper so n the desk alone as his daughter tugged him towards the door. " _I'm seriously going to kill whoever she's dating._ "

" _Yeah, and break your mask?_ " Engetsu laughed in the back of his head. " _Play the role of a goofball. Who knows, you may scare the guy off by embarrassing everybody._ "

Isshin felt Karin push on his back. " _Yeah, that's a good route to go. If my usual act doesn't work to scare them away, then I can switch to scare tactics._ " The man took a deep breath. "Come on Karin-chan, no way one of my darling girls is dating a guy."

The man started into his fake crying in an attempt to sway Karin a certain way, but she continued to push him into the room. "Come on dad, stop crying about how I can't possibly have a boyfriend and let me introduce you to him."

Isshin continued with his fake tirade, except some of the passion was real for him. "Misaki, there's no way..."

The moment to run over to Misaki's poster, and instead Isshin found himself staring into a familiar set of bright teal eyes. The former taicho of the tenth division found himself staring into the eyes of the new taicho, and everything seemed to fall apart. " _Toshiro-kun is Karin's boyfriend? Toshiro-kun is dating._ "

" _Now, now. On to the positive side of things, your former third seat isn't freaking out on you. Sometimes he freaks out, you know, worse then Matsumoto Rangiku ever did._ "

Isshin stared at the small taicho watching the boy practically beam up to him. " _You know though, when Toshiro's quiet he's kind of scary because ya don't know at all what is going through that mind of his._ "

The head of the Kurosaki overheard Ichigo beckoning Rukia and Yuzu out the door to likely get something special for dinner. The young taicho was smiling, and this fact creeped him out. In some ways the smile reminded him of Ichimaru, which was even more of a scary thought. The look also reminded him somehow of the way Yuzu and Kaarin beamed up at him when they were younger. "Taicho?"

"Completely _, 'not' the reaction I was expecting from him. It's 'way' to positive. Toshiro's never this positive._ " Isshin looked down at the boy as his mouth twitched at the sight of the young taicho acting in such a strange manner. There was also another issue running through Isshin's mind. "Toshiro, I know you've grown since I last saw you, but you're not old enough to be dating."

Isshin was sure he heard Karin snort through her nose at his statement, but wasn't surprised to see Toshiro answer in the way he did. " _Says who?_ "

" _At least it's a rather Toshiro response._ " Engetsu let out a laugh.

" _Yeah. I remember when he always said that after I told him he couldn't do something he wanted to do._ " Isshin let his eyebrows rise up. "Says me."

" _Oh, that so is a response that you would always give him. You know full well how that will go over for you, right?_ "

"Kyoraku says otherwise."

Isshin felt a fit coming on. " _Seriously? Toshiro-kun's acting like one of those angst ridden teenagers who doesn't like being told no! This is my worst nightmare Misaki!"_

" _Egads_. _Don't go there. I hate it when you go there. That's just, creepy._ "

" _What's even more disturbing is the fact Toshiro's getting dating advice from Kyoraku of all people._ "

" _You did, sort of._ "

"That old oji-san would, wouldn't he." Isshin looked at the boy.

"He's head taicho you now you know."

Isshin watched words come out of Toshiro's mouth unhindered. " _Wait... this isn't usual for Toshiro._ " The man tried having patience with the boy. "I already knew that."

"I ran away and hit Hinamori."

The man stared at his third seat as if the boy grew a second head. " _He what? He what, he what, he what? This is so not the cute little Toshiro I know. Why the hell would he do all of this._ " Ichigo tried pushing into the subject, and finally Isshin needed to speak up. "Toshiro-kun, are you feeling all right."

"Compltely fine." Isshin watched as Ichigo took a deep breath, and he leaned over to touch his forehead to Toshiro's. He could see Toshiro's eyes narrow. "No, seriously... I'm fine. Why do people think that I've got some kind of fever or something."

"So you didn't feel anything weird, or anything weird happen today? Nothing?" Isshin felt his eyebrows go up. Instead of answering Toshiro simply reached out to hug him. The man reached up a calloused hand to pat the boy on the top of his white head of hair. "You really aren't acting like your normal self. You're kinda..." Isshin refused to let the words come out of his mouth remembering how such words would effect the young taicho. " _... clingy today._ "

The man heard Karin take a deep breath. "Actually, Toshiro got hit in the head with a soccer ball dad."

Isshin took a deep breath as he looked at the white haired youth. "So you may have a concussion."

"I'm fine. No concussion."

"Sure."

Toshiro titled his head to look at the man, and Karin tugged at Isshin's sleeve. The man followed her over to the side, and rubbed at the back of his head. "Karin sweetie, I know you're likely mad at me, you know, for me not telling you I was Toshiro's former taicho, but I really need to focus on checking on Toshiro."

"He's not well." Karin spoke in a low voice. "He thinks he's dying, and as much as I want to believe he's just being paranoid, I really think somethings majorly wrong.

"Come on Karin. This is Toshiro we're talking about." Isshin leaned over. "I know his behavior is rather odd, but sometimes he does get into a clingy mood. If you wanna be his... actually, no way am I going to let you two date."

"Dad, I don't need you to protect me from guys. Particularly not Toshiro."

Protecting you? I'm protecting him." Isshin saw Karin glare at him with her arms crossed.

"He doesn't need it. He needs your help, because he's sick."

"Now Karin, why would you think that?"

"Because he fell asleep during the movie we went through."

Isshin let out a deep sigh. "Yeah, and he may have a concussion that I need to check into."

"He told me the movie was Seven Samurai. He said that he'd seen it before to."

The man let out a deep sigh. "Seven Samurai? You like that movie."

"We were watching a mecha Anime. Not Seven Samurai. And Toshiro said something about that being the only movie he's ever seen. It's almost as if he realized he fell asleep during the movie we watched, and came up with the one movie he watched without realizing he was doing it.

"Wait..." Isshin felt the color drain from his face. "Toshiro told you Seven Samurai's the only movie he's seen." The man glanced over to the couch to see the young taicho somehow managed to nod off. Ichigo leaned over in a worried manner, before coming over to speak with them.

"What's the matter."

"Karin told me Toshiro told her that Seven Samurai's the only movie he's seen."

"So?"

"Toshiro's seen practically everything Mifune Toshiro's appeared in. Kaien and I, the first one we introduced him to was Seven Samurai. Then a bunch of others." The man walked over and nudged Toshiro awake, and watched two bright teal eyes blink open. "Hey kiddo."

"Taicho, you don't mind me dating your daughter do you?"

Isshin took a deep breath. "I, could we talk about that later on?" The man touched Toshiro's shoulder slightly. "You got hit by a soccer ball, so why don't we head over to Ruken's place to get your head checked out?"

"No."

"Just an MRI, maybe a cat scan for my piece of mind." Isshin watched as Toshiro stared at him.

"Fine."

The man breathed a sigh of relief.


	21. Sanity and Insanity

**Cancer  
** _ **Sanity and Insanity**_

"Does it matter that I've changed sides when it means tht the future of the Quincy is guaranteed?" The answer honestly didn't sit well with Jugrahm, but Bazz-B hoped his old friend would come around, and that whatever brainwashing he went through under Juhabach's control would eventually fade away. The fire Quincy mentioned this once in front of the girls when Candice made a snide remark.

"You're just a flake Bazz-B. You just did what was best to save your own skin."

Meninas looked away as she worried her lip, but Basterbine Bambietta's attention was drawn in. "No, he did do it for the future of the Quincy. How else do you explain that all of us are here?"

Bazz-B let out a sigh at that point as Candice glared at the dark haired girl. "Oh shut up Basterbine. You got knocked in the head one to many times during the last battle. You _don't_ know what you're talking about. From what I understand you're fucking lucky to be alive. Giselle did after all kill you many times over."

The fire Quicny shuddered at this and looked at Basterbine with pity in his eyes, and she glared back telling him she didn't want any of it. He simply took a deep breath and left with his hands shoved in a pocket to return to the place he sat reading his book. The man wasn't expecting the young taicho of the tenth to come visiting, and the man found the situation for the most part amusing, but in some ways worrying.

The boy's speech slurred every so often, and the young taicho couldn't remember what he said from time to time. Certain things also went over the boy's head as they talked to each other, but Bazz-B felt he could brush those incidents off with the fact the boy seemed to be a tad naive regarding certain things regarding to real life. The man still felt the need to check to a fever, and was surprised to even see his own hand moving to feel the boy's forehead.

" _Talk about entering personal space, and getting personal when you told him practically not to._ "

Eventually the boy slipped away, only for one of the Quincy to come hurrying back. The man who usually brought the food for everyone, the look on his face screamed something was wrong, and then he blurted out the fact the young taicho had entered Basterbine Bambietta's cell. Bazz- B shoved his hands into his pockets, and walked back with the man to find the young taicho on the ground in a rather dazed manner.

" _What the hell has Basterbine done this time? Actually, why hasn't she bifurcated the kid? Seriously, any guy entering into her territory is dead meat. Why would he even think of doing something that stupid._ " Somehow they managed to get the young taicho out, but he didn't look to good. After the boy left he came back and gripped the bars to Basterbine's cell. "What the hell were you thinking Basterbine?"

"Why did you take Shiro-chan away? Huh? Bring him back?"

"So what? You can kill him? Do you know what kind of political mess that would put us into?"

"Why don't you just let her? I mean, why didn't you just let her kill the brat?" Cancice's words made Bazz-B turn to glare at the young female. "I mean, he is cute, but he is also the enemy."

"I want Shiro-chan back."

"You're just mad he didn't want to come and visit you." Meninas glared at the other girl. "So leave Bambietta-chan alone, and be nice."

"Why? Why should I be nice?"

"Would you girls honestly knock it off?" Bazz-B rubbed the back of his neck. "You guys do realize that with good behavior..."

"Give me back Shiro-nii already."

"We might be allowed to be free to join the Shinigami world?" Candice let out a snide laugh. "I think not. You wouldn't understand as you betrayed us, but then were you ever on our side?"

"I'll see you later." The man turned with his hands shoved back in his pocket when he heard a loud thump from behind him, and heard Meninas let out a cry.

"Bambietta-chan! Bazz-B! Something's wrong with Bambietta-chan!"

The man turned his head slightly to see over his shoulder that Bambietta had collapsed to the ground. Bazz-B turned back to the Shinigami to open the cell back up, and at first the man said something about this being some kind of trick. Somehow Bazz-B managed to convince the man to let him in, and he walked over to the young female. The entirety of the girl's body shook as if she were having a seizure, and a bit of drool came out of her mouth.

Bazz-B found himself scooping the girl up into his arms while the Shinigami hurried off for help. While the seizure manged to stop the young girl remained unconscious in his arms. It also took time for anyone to come and help, and the people who came said she needed to be transported to the forth division. He left then with the girl, and saw that Candice didn't look pleased with the turn of events, and Meninas looked really worried.

When they arrived at the forth they placed Bambietta into a bed, and eventually the head taicho came into the room. Bazz-B turned his head to him, and snapped at the man. "What took so long? Why didn't anyone come right away?"

"I apologize. We were dealing with a similar incident with our young taicho. I came to see you two first before I go to see how he's doing."

"What's wrong?"

Kyoraku rubbed the back of his neck. "She's pretty much in the same boat as Hitsugaya Taicho's in. They're both refusing treatment for the treatment which returned them from the zombie state they were in."

"Explain."

"Our twelfth division captain returned a bunch of people back form the zombie state one of yours put them into. His treatments though, there's always some kind of repercussion. This one, let's just say the treatment they got extended their life, but each one ended up with a different type of cancer. Or at least that was the issue with the three adults. Neither one of the children have allowed Mayuri to even do tests."

"And why are both being stupid about this?"

"Beyond the fact our young taicho is freaked out by the twelfth division taicho at this point, and one of the other side effects, he's got a terror regarding needles and such. As for this kiddo, she clearly stated she didn't wish to be treated by any damn, dirty Shinigami."

Bazz-B took a deep breath before pulling up the sheets. "Do whatever treatments you need."

"Excuse me."

"She's not going to be able to fight off the tests and treatment in this state." The man looked down at the girl. "Let her be pissed off with me after the fact."

Kyoraku took a deep breath. "By the way, what exactly happened between our small taicho and this kiddo here? I heard a rumor that she was on top of him."

"I honestly haven't got a clue. Neither one were acting like themselves, so hopefully this treatment gets them better. She wanted me to bring him back, which is weird."

"Why's that so weird?"

"Normally we're having to clean up after her when she invites a male into her territory. She kills them, cuts them in half. It's rather nasty business really. She's not exactly sane. It's best not to ask with her."


	22. Throbbing Pain

**Cancer  
** _ **Throbbing Pain**_

" _I'm not sick. I'm not dying. That's just something Kurotsuchi made up to make me, you know, think really bad stuff._ " The feelings Toshiro felt regarding seeing his former taicho again remained fuzzy, and not something the young taicho could grasp onto. The white haired youth though knew his former taicho wanted something from him. The way Isshin talked meant he really was sick, that what he wanted most to deny was there.

" _Except you weren't denying it a few minutes ago when you used the fact you might be dying as a chance to get together with Karin-chan._ "

" _I don't like it when he's looking at me as if we're going to break. We're not going to break. I don't want to die._ "

The boy tried avoiding eye contact with Isshin, but the pleasant feeling of seeing the man again wouldn't go away. Isshin of course didn't wish to talk about the tact he was dating his daughter, and instead focused on the fact Toshiro wasn't doing well. The young taicho didn't want to even think about treatment, but then Isshin said the words which Toshiro couldn't resist. "... for my piece of mind."

Toshiro looked away, and his lips pushed together. "Fine."

"I'm going to." The young taicho looked up to see Karin speaking, and the fact Isshin didn't like the fact Karin wanted to go, but the man didn't say anything about Karin not going with them.

Instead he turned to Ichigo. "Let the girls know where we're going."

Toshiro watched as Ichigo grabbed the sleeve of his dad's clothes. "You promise to give a call letting me know what's going on, right."

"Yeah, I will."

The young taicho shoved his hands into his pockets while his lips pushed together trying to fight back the urge to say nothing was wrong, and to stop treating him like an invalid. Hyorimanru managed to talk in the back of his mind as the headache and nausea came back. He began to walk by the man and Karin, and his eyes looked down to the ground trying to avoid looking them in the eye.

Toshiro kept pace with the man despite the pounding in his head, and the nausea in the pit of his stomach. Every so often Karin or Isshin would reach out to tug on the sleeve of Toshiro's clothing to make sure he went in the right direction. Isshin got onto his cellphone, and talked to someone on the phone.

Eventually they came to a rather large hospital, and the young taicho swallowed. "Taicho, is this actually a good idea? I mean, doesn't this rather draw attention to me in ways I shouldn't. We're not supposed to interact with people in the living world."

"It's alright. This is Uncle Ryuken's place. He's family."

"Yeah, he is family. Ryuken's already got the equipment ready so you can get your tests."

The young taicho froze at the word tests. "I'm not going to have to take any kind of shots am I?"

A sigh escaped from Isshin's mouth. "I forgot. You don't like needles. No, there won't be any of that. Come on. Isshin placed pressure on the small of Toshiro's back, and they entered the hospital. The man walked up to the counter and spoke to the person. They headed back to a small room, and Toshiro found himself handed a smock to change into. Isshin and Karin stepped out of the room so he could change.

Isshin and Karin came back into the room while they waited for someone to come in. Isshin leaned up against the table, and when Toshiro looked at the man he could see the goofy look which normally adorned the mans face was missing. In it's place was a look of pure seriousness, and a big, calloused hand reached out to hold Toshiro's bone thin hand while they waited.

A man with hair the color of Toshiro's finally came in, and a smile fluttered briefly across her face. "Uncle Ryuken."

"Hello Karin-chan." The man turned to look at Toshiro. "So you're his former third seat."

Toshiro's bright eyes blinked a couple of times before nodding his head.

"Have you ever done an MRI before." This question made Toshiro shake his head, and the man carefully explained the procedure.

Toshiro wrapped his small arms around himself to fight back the chillness in the air from being dressed in such a scant manner, and found himself led to a room with a tube. He was asked to lie on the bed, and the bed moved in. Toshiro lay there holding still, and a sinking feeling hit the pit of his stomach.

…

"I need a favor Ryuken."

" _You always need a favor."_

Isshin explained the situation, and soon he and Ryuken were in the room watching Toshiro's MRI proceed. Karin sat in a seat nearby waiting for the scan to be finished. The man watched the young taicho in the device, and he took a deep breath as the sound of the machine filled the room. Ryuken continued to drink his coffee as he ran the device. "It's rather odd isn't it, that he isn't getting treatment from soul society."

"It's complicated."

"Everything about you is complicated. I'm surprised that he's as calm as you said he is. Rather strange child isn't he?"

"You could say that."

"Toshiro's not strange. He's him, and unique."

Ryuken looked at Karin, and then continued to drink the coffee until the machine finished doing it's job. Ryuken led Isshin and the two youngsters to a hospital room. "Stay here."

"Wait. Why do I have to wait here? Haven't I done what we're supposed to have done?"

"Yes, but we need to look at the results. Wait here with Karin." Ryuken motioned for Isshin to follow after him. "What is his relation with your daughter?"

"Karin? They're boyfriend and girlfriend."

"You're actually letting your daughter date." Ryuken's tone of voice indicated he wasn't pleased with the idea of one of Masaki's little girls dating, but Isshin choose to instead brush off the issue."

A half-hearted laugh escaped Isshin's mouth. "Yeah, well, it's Toshiro. I'd trust him with either one of my girls, but truth of the matter is I'm more worried about Toshiro getting his heart broken. He's far more of a sensitive child then Karin is."

"Then Karin? Karin bawled her head off when Misaki died?"

"Yeah, well, she's grown up a lot." Isshin swallowed. "It's rather hard to say no to them considering the fact Toshiro thinks he's dying, and even if he isn't, well, we both know his job means he could die any day."

"You never had a problem with a child fighting battles?"

"What choice did we have?" Isshin took a deep breath. "Yeah, we all had problems with it, but Toshiro... let's just say he's always been in an odd position."

The two arrived at the room where the pictures were located, and Isshin looked up at the boards. "That's not good."

"No, it's not. How are you going to tell them?"

"Them?" Isshin's head darted up. "I'm worried about Toshiro finding out."

"That kid's close to your son and daughters." Ryuken leaned up against the wall as he looked at the scan indicating there was a brain tumor in the boy's head. "And are you really sure about Karin dating this boy, knowing that he's rather sick like he is."

"Your son wouldn't exist if you let that stop you. I think it's better to hold the things which are precious to us close, but there is someone I know who thinks keeping them far away is better."

"Are you referring to me?"

A laugh escaped Isshin's mouth. "You? You don't keep your son at a distance because you want to. You're just an old stick in the mud whose not very good at this kind of thing."


	23. Torrents of Fear

**Cancer  
** _ **Torrents of Fear**_

The machine wasn't a nice thing, and the young taicho's mind kept drifting towards cures created by a certain taicho of the twelfth division. He didn't move as requested by the person Karin called uncle. The tips of his feet felt cold, and the fear of dying ate away at the back of his mind. Toshiro felt glad when he no longer had to lie in the strange tube, and the claustrophobic feeling went away.

" _This means everything is done with_?" The resulting answer from Isshin ended up a resulting no, and Toshiro found himself stuck in a room with Karin. A large amount of feelings welled in his head and throat as he sat on the bed, and he pulled one leg up to his chest, and let his arm rest on the knee. He watched as Karin took a deep breath. "What?"

"You don't like being here, do you?" Karin looked rested her chin in the palm of her hands.

"No. I mean, this is to much like the rooms at forth division. There's this weird smell about the place. How long do you think they're going to be?" Toshiro's nose wrinkled up as he looked up at the smell despite the ache in his head. His stomach also lurched, but his mind associated the smell with the smell of the hospital.

Karin let out a sigh. "Don't know." Her dark eyes darted up to look at Toshiro's bright teal eyes. "You know, there is nothing wrong about being afraid of dying."

"Except it's already happened. Sort of, kind of." Toshiro leaned forward so he could bite down on the back of his hand. The memory of being turned into a zombie, or finding himself forced to hurt those he cared about simply didn't go away like he wanted it to. His eyes drifted down to the ground. More words came out of his mouth. "I don't like the idea of being weak, or a burden to others."

"Don't worry. Dad will make things better. He always makes things better. As goofy as he normally acts he's got this way about him."

"I know." Toshiro continued to sit on the bed. "Your dad you know, is pretty amazing." He watched Karin's lip twist up as if there was something she wanted. "What?"

"I kind of want to know, you know, what your time with my dad was like. That can wait for another time." Karin's eyes darted away.

A silence fell between the two as Isshin came into the room with a stack of papers. Toshiro swallowed seeing the look on the man's face. The particular look on his face said something was broken, and he found himself looking away. The man cleared his throat. "Toshiro, do you trust me?"

Toshiro's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times as he turned his head to look at the man. "Trust you? Why shouldn't I trust you? There was only one time you've ever broke your promise to me, and that was when..."

" _When he disappeared._ " Hyorinmaru finished what Toshiro couldn't finish saying. The young taicho looked away.

"When, what?" Karin's voice indicated her curiosity was perked, and yet telling her that her father ran away and abandoned him just to get with her mother didn't seem right.

" _That's because you think it will tarnish the image she has of her parents relationships. Maybe though Isshin has a different way of looking at the picture then you do._ "

" _As cool as he can be, there are just as many times he's just plain lame._ "

Isshin cleared his throat. "Toshiro, isn't the one promise I made to you the last promise I made to you? That's kind of, how to put it..." His former taicho took a deep breath. "That 's kind of something that normally breaks peoples trust Toshiro."

"Oh. Well, even if you do break promises I trust you to know what you're doing." Toshiro moved from the position he sat in to a position where he sat in a traditional position.

"Well, I guess that's a good thing." Isshin's voice cheered up slightly, but then he remained silent. "Toshiro, do you know what cancer is?"

The boy stared at him, but then responded in a truthful manner. "No, I don't."

The man stared at him for a few minutes, but then took a deep sigh. "Cancer, it's a kind of illness. You could say it's where your body attacks itself."

Toshiro felt his bright teal eyes widen. He thought about the words carefully. "So, could this cancer be caused by, theoretically , a persons blood being infused with another persons blood to turn them into some kind of mindless zombie, which is theoretically how I understand it to work, but that's theoretically how it would be caused because the body is attacking the body?"

Isshin stared for a few minutes. "I guess that would be a logical reason for someone to theoretically have cancer."

"Except it's not theoretical, is it?"

"No, it isn't."

"What kind of medicine do I need to take?" Toshiro watched as Isshin and Karin stared at him. "I mean, if I take some kind of medicine this will be gone after a few days. It's just like a cold, isn't it? That's why I've had the headache and the nausea, isn't it?" Isshin continued to stare at him, and Toshiro felt something faltering, a major empty feeling. "What's the matter?"

"Toshiro..." Karin took a deep breath. "It's actually not like a cold."

The boy took a deep breath as Isshin proceeded to explain to him more about cancer. Isshin clutched the charts tightly. "The MRI shows that you have a brain tumor Toshiro."

"That's what I'm dying of?" Toshiro swallowed as he looked at the man.

"Well, we need to do more tests to make sure that the tumor didn't spread from another place."

The young taicho took a deep breath. "Tests? You mean, like with needles."

"Yes, and..." Isshin found himself interrupted.

"No, absolutely not. Just, get the treatment for this over so I don't have to have stupid Kurotsuchi's treatment."

"That..." Isshin took a sigh. "Surgery. The treatment involves surgery. It also means staying in the hospital, here, for awhile Toshiro."

"Oh." The man moved over and sat down on the edge of the bed and showed him a picture, and proceeded to explain things to the young taicho. Nothing Isshin said made any real sense to him. Normally he would ask the man questions, but his mind remained fuzzy from what Isshin said to him. Looking up at Karin he could see the situation bothered her greatly, and he swallowed.

One hand reached up to tug at Isshin's sleeve. "Hey, can I talk to her for a bit?"

The man looked up at Karin before clearing his throat. The man let out a sigh, and nodded his head. One of Isshin's big calloused hand patted Karin on the shoulder. The girl moved over to sit next to him on the bed. "What is it Toshiro?"

"I'm sorry."

"What ever for?"

"I don't know. I feel like there is something I need to be sorry for, but my mind can't place a finger on what is bothering me. It's kind of been that way a lot you know. I know there is something important, but I just... can't" Toshiro shook his head.

"You've got a brain tumor. Let dad treat you so that you can think clearly again. This isn't actually a death sentence despite what you think. There is still a chance you can get better."

"Stay with me?" Toshiro glanced at the foot of the bed. "You and taicho?"

Karin pushed her lips together. "As much as possible." She watched as his face fell. "There are visiting hours and such. I mean, I've got to go to school. It won't just be me and dad though. Rukia-nee, Ichi-nii and Yuzu will come by to when we can and are allowed. We won't abandon you, so you don't need to worry about that."

Toshiro flinched as Karin pulled him into a hug, and yet the feelings didn't go away. " _I'm still worried. I don't get why._ "


	24. Silence of Knowing

**Cancer  
** _ **Silence of Knowing**_

The silence around the first division amounted to, "everything's to quiet, so something's going to go wrong". Kyoraku looked at the paperwork stacked on his desk, and felt his lips push together as he tried contemplating the situation with the youngest taicho.

" _That child's really ill. I feel bad for the little thing._ "

" _I wonder if I should have just forced him to take Kurotsuchi's treatment plan._ "

" _No, getting Isshin to handle the situation likely is the best bet. He's got a way with that little 'un. That said, I'm not sure you should have been giving romance advice._ "

" _Nobody knows when what's most precious to them will be lost._ " Kyoraku picked up the writing utensil only to find his attempt at writing interrupted by the entrance of Kurotsuchi Mayuri, and Kotetsu Isane into the room. The man let out a deep breath, and set down his brush. "How is the young Quincy patient doing?"

"Not well." Isane looked down at her chart. "Kurotsuchi taicho is still running tests regarding the cancer she has. She's also not woken up."

Kyoraku's mouth pressed together. "So there is no news what so ever?" The head taicho watched as the taicho of the twelfth division glared at his chart. "Are you going to tell me what you've found so far."

"The preliminary results on those turned into zombies indicated a genetic link regarding the cancers each ended up with, but this particular result indicates the cancer may be malignant, or have turned malignant."

The man folded his fingers together. "Will your treatment still work despite how far along the cancer's progressed?"

"I honestly won't know until she's gotten through the treatment. I can't tell you any more then that." The man looked Kyoramu in the eye. "I'd know more if I had the data from young Hitsugaya Taicho."

"Hitsugaya Taicho isn't some experiment. " Isane took a deep breath. "I've also taken the time to inform Matsumoto Rangiku of the situation."

A groan escaped from the head taicho's lips. "You had to tell her? She's going to..."

The door to the office slid open, and Rangiku stormed into the room. Her delicate fingered hands slammed down on the desk. "You! You said that you had everything handled! Now I'm finding out my small taicho is going to be dying! If I had know what I know now I would have forced him to take the treatment, and he'd be all right and in my arms right now."

Kyoraku looked at the female Shinigami as she leaned over her desk showing off quite a bit of cleavage. Kurotsuchi looked on with lack of interest in the rant presented by the fukutaicho of the tenth division. Isane though looked sheepishly away. The head taicho took a deep breath as he thought of a way to calm the woman down. He opened his mouth to tell him that Toshiro was in the hands of someone he trusted, but his soul phone rang before he could say anything.

The man's large calloused hand reached out for the phone, and placed the object to his ear. Rangiku glared at him. "Don't you dare take this cal until you've talked to me!"

Kyoraku however held up one finger, and he answer the ring. "Hello?"

" _Oji-san? I've got news regarding Toshiro, but I also need information._ "

The man let out a deep breath. "Isshin. It's good to hear from you kiddo, though you're really not a kid anymore, what with having three of your own." Kyoraku watched the eyes of both Isane and Rangiku widen while Kurotsuchi remained sullen, and disinterested.

"Taicho? Our former taicho?" Rangiku rocked back on her heals. "You mean to say..." A sigh of relief escaped her lips. "Taicho's in the hands of Shiba Isshin. He's all right?"

"I think so." Kyoraku took a deep breath before speaking into the phone. "Rangiku wishes to know if Toshio-kun is doing all right."

A groan escaped Isshin's lips. " _She's there? I'm surprised she's not storming over here, or at least threatening to do so. I'm surprised that she's not trying to yell at me._ "

"Rangiku's to worried about Toshio-kun to be worried about wanting to beat you up. What news do you have regarding our youngest taicho Isshin?"

The man on the other side of the phone took a deep breath. " _I've got some bad news. Toshiro's got a brain tumor._ "

Kyoraku felt a gut wrenching feeling in the pit of his stomach. "A brain tumor? That's the kind of cancer he has?"

" _Well, we won't know until we do more tests. Toshiro-kun's not exactly wanting to let us do more test. I've also got to convince him to do the surgery, or what ever treatment Kurotsuchi has up his sleeves._ "

"You're not likely to convince him that doing Kurotsuchi's treatment is a good idea. There are also, complications on this side regarding the twelfth division taicho's treatment plan."

"I never said the treatment was a problem. There is no guarantee that said treatment will work once the cancer's spread this far, but..."

Kyoraku took a deep breath. "You've got my permission to go ahead with the surgery Isshin. Convince Toshiro-kun to do the surgery, particularly if you think that's the best option for him."

" _It's the first option for treating brain tumors, but..._ " Isshin let out a sigh. " _I hate doing this to the kid, but we also need to do some blood work. Knowing my sort-of brother-in-law, he'll likely sneak in some blood work, and if Toshiro freaks out I can blame him._ "

"Yeah, that's rather like you." Kyoraku pushed his lips together. "He's not lost consciousness?"

" _Lost consciousness? No, but he has fallen asleep. The sooner we get him into surgery, the better. I'll talk to you later then._ "

Kyoraku heard the phone turn off, and set his soul phone down onto the desk. He folded his fingers together and looked up into the anxious look on Rangiku's face. "So..."

"What does this whole, brain tumor thing mean. That doesn't sound good really. I mean, the brain is how one thinks, and acts. A brain tumor, that's going to have a negative effect isn't it? And what are they doing to treat the cancer?"

"The brain is..." Kurotsuchi held up a finger, and went into a tirade about what the brain did, and what effect a tumor, or even the surgery to remove said tumor would have on the boy. The man continued to list off the loss of speech, mobility, any function which is controlled by the brain could be effected, and there was always the chance a bad surgeon could cause problems by doing something wrong in the process of removing the tumor.

The color in Rangiku's face during this tirade left, and after a bit of time a green tint touched her cheeks as she tried contemplating what the man said to her. She finally spoke up. "So you're pretty much saying that my small taicho is screwed because we didn't get him treated in time? He's going to lose his ability, I don't know, to do what he does well?"

Kyoraku felt another pang deep in his stomach as the thought of Toshiro loosing the part which made him into a child genius, but if not that the risk was in his ability to move, see, speak. "I honestly don't know what to say except for the fact we need to hope for the best. That's what Ukitake would say, wouldn't he? He wouldn't give up on Toshiro-kun, and he'd..." The man tried forcing a smile onto his lips. "He's be there trying to help our young taicho through this mess."

"Sentimental folly."

The head taicho though couldn't think Mayuri ever so wrong, and hoped deep down the boy would be all right.


	25. Sleepless Lack of Understanding

**Cancer  
** _ **Sleepless Lack of Understanding**_

Nothing felt right after hearing the news of something growing in his brain, and that the monster in his head resulted from his body attacking his own body. The dreadful feeling didn't feel as deep when the thought of Karin and his former taicho staying with him remained at the front of his mind, but then Karin informed him that she wouldn't be able to stay.

Eventually Isshin came back, and the man told him the way to treat the brain tumor was surgery. Toshiro found himself unable to look the man in the eye. "So, after this surgery everything will go away?"

The man took a deep breath. "I can't promise anything. While there is a chance that your problems will go away, they might not at all. There is a chance the cancer's spread to the rest of your body and more treatment will be needed. We're also talking brain surgery here Toshiro. Your brain is what helps you think, and helps you control your bodily functions."

"There..." Toshiro's bright teal eyes darted away from Isshin. " _That doesn't sound good despite the fact I don't really understand what it means._ " The young taicho took a deep breath. "So, doesn't... isn't there another option."

"No, there isn't."

The young taicho looked away. "I... you two are leaving soon?"

"Yeah." Isshin took a deep breath. "Toshiro, hey, why don't you not think of that. We'll be back to see you?"

"Do I really have to stay here?" The young taicho looked the man in the face, but found himself unable to take the pained look in the man's face. Toshiro's bright teal eyes darted away.

"Sorry kiddo, but you've got to stay here so we can prep you for surgery. Ryuken will be seeing that you're cared for."

"Yeah, but..." Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times. "I feel like there is something I should be doing."

"No, the only thing you should be doing here is resting up to make sure you get better. If you don't rest up..." Isshin stopped speaking, and then looked at Karin.

"Look, I'll leave so you two can have a serious talk. What ever."

Toshiro swallowed as he saw the girl leave, and he looked up at Isshin. The man's eyes still remained filled with pain. Isshin obviously wanted to say something to him, but the young taicho found the man unable to say something. "Taicho..."

"I'm not your taicho anymore?"

"Shiba-san?"

"To-chan or oji-san." Isshin let out a deep breath. "That's all right because you are after all dating my daughter, and..." The man shook his head. "Never mind. I doubt you knew about that, so it's best to just..."

"You're upset about something." Toshiro continued to watch the man look at him with that pained look in his eyes, and the young taicho didn't like the feeling one bit. Without realizing what he was doing the young taicho reached out and wrapped his arms around the man. He felt Isshin tense up, and then reach up to brush his hand across Toshiro's white head of hair. The young taicho didn't say anything more.

"Toshiro, no matter what treatment you go through there is still the chance you'll die, or that something really bad will happen. There's even a chance the cancer won't go away, and that it will be the cancer which will kill you."

The young taicho's breath drew in tightly, and his eyes snapped shut. One of his bone thin hands gripped Isshin's clothes tightly, and the man rubbed the boy's back. " _That's what he, and others did when I got really sick. We're they scared those times as well? Taicho's scared?_ "

Toshiro pulled away, and his eyes opened up to look at the man. "Taicho, are you scared? You're never scared though."

A deep breath escaped Isshin's mouth, and a hand reached up to ruffle Toshiro's white head of hair. "Toshiro, there are a lot of things I'm scared of. Loosing one of my kiddos, and that includes you, is one of them." The man remained silent for a few minutes. "Also, to do the surgery, we're going to need to shave your head."

Two bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "What does that matter? You know I don't like the color of my hair, so it's not that big of a deal."

"Toshiro, there are people who like your hair just the way it is, so for them it's going to be a big deal." Isshin tried smiling at him, but the pain kept showing through. "I'm going to leave you in Ryuken's care now, and that's because I trust him, so that means since you trust me that you should trust him to. Alright? We'll be sure to stop by during visiting hours. Your surgery is in a couple of days. Be good."

The man got up and left. After a few minutes Toshiro realized one of his bone thing hands reached out for the man in an attempt to hold onto something. " _Why is it everything leaves me?_ "

" _Your taicho's not abandoning you. He'll be back. I'm here to. I never abandoned you._ "

" _Not the same. You're a part of me._ " Toshiro leaned back into the bed, and one bone thin hand reached up to touch the top of his head in an attempt to ease the headache and nausea he felt. Someone knocked at the door, and his bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "You're Ryuken, Doctor Ryuken."

"Actually, it's Ishida Sensei." The man came in with a couple of cups with pills in them. "I need you to take some medicine Toshiro. Isshin's told me that..."

"That name's familiar."

"So, you're having problems recollecting things?"

Toshiro worried his bottom lip and then finally nodded his had.

"Don't worry. This medicine will hopefully help with that, the headache you're likely feeling as well as the nausea. You'll be sleeping for a bit, and then a nurse will come up here with some food for you. She'll wake you up, and stay to make sure you eat the food. Do you understand?"

"Not really. I mean, I know I should understand, but I don't." Toshiro took the plastic cups and swallowed the medicine. His face wrinkled up slightly, and then he shook his head. "I guess that you have to leave to?"

Ryuken looked at him with a look that bothered Toshiro, and the boy looked away. The man reached out for a red button. "See this? If you need anything, then push this button. What you really need now is rest, and you'll find yourself nodding off soon."

"Yeah..." A yawn escaped Toshiro's mouth as the man pulled the covers up to the boy's chin.

"Isshin hasn't abandoned you. There are just rules and regulations that hospitals need to follow, and we're going to make you as comfortable as possible."

"You make it sound as if I'm dying." The words came out unheeded, and Toshiro felt like mentally slapping himself. " _Well, duh he's talking about you dying, 'cause you know full well that is what is going on._ "

The man patted his leg before standing up. "Remember, need anything there is the button. A nurse will wake you up to make sure you eat something. You need not worry about anything, as Isshin and I are handling everything. What you're able to do is rest up, and not leave your bed for anything. I've heard you've got a habit of escaping the forth to do paperwork, and we'll have none of that here. So behave."

The man left and Toshiro nodded off. The light was turned off, and the feeling of dread wouldn't leave the young taicho's mind as he looked around the place. His stomach also ached, but soon that went away, and he drifted off to sleep.


	26. Burning Bridges

**Cancer  
** _ **Burning Bridges**_

People watching lost it's charm when the person chosen for the purpose of people watching was someone highly cared for by the person doing the people watching, and the experience soured even more when the person cared for obviously needed help, and yet the person doing the people watching found themselves unable to step in to do something.

" _Amazing, you're actually admitting that you actually care for the kiddo._ "

" _Why shouldn't I care about Shiro-chan? As much as I hate saying it, I've always cared about the kid, and not being able to do something... let's just say I don't like the feeling. It's nastier then any feeling I could pull on people by manipulating my rieatsu._ " Gin watched from a distance as Toshiro and Karin spoke with each other, and the corners of his mouth twisted down due to the way not hearing the conversation ate away at his consciousness.

" _You can't appear in front of him, period._ "

Gin watched Karin place a kiss on Toshiro's cheek. " _Something's going on._ "

" _She's good for him._ "

" _That I can't deny._ " The man watched as the two headed to the movie theater, and his breath drew in tightly. " _A date? Does this mean..._ "

" _Yeah, I think they're officially a couple now. Do you have a problem with that?_ "

" _No, but it seems to be moving a tad fast for Toshiro's personality. Actually, I'm wondering..._ " Gin shoved one of his hands into his pocket for his box of cigarettes.

" _You think something's seriously wrong with the kid, which is why he's pushed to take certain steps faster then you know he would. Are you sure you want to smoke? You can't follow them into the theater if you do that?_ "

" _Why would I want to do that? I trust Toshiro not to do something stupid, and for some reason I trust his girl._ "

" _Because it's not an issue of not trusting him. It's a part of him growing up, and you want to see it happen, his first real date. It's proof that he's happy, despite everything that's happen to him._ "

Gin let out a sigh, and watched as Karin pointed to a particular movie title telling him which movie the two would be going into. He got into line after they went into the theater to buy his own ticket, and found a seat above the two so he could watch what was going on. Everything went well, until Toshiro fell asleep against Karin's shoulder. " _Something's really wrong._ "

" _Karin-chan will take care of him. Time to go home so you're not noticed. They're headed to the Kurosaki household. You know Isshin-san will take care of him._ "

Gin reached a bony hand up to rub his nose. "Yeah, Isshin will take care of him."

The man headed home, and found himself smoking his cigarettes out on the porch. Gin didn't notice the hand reaching out to grab the cigarette, and the silver haired man turned to watch Isshin put the cigarette out before flicking it to the ground. "I want you to stop smoking Gin."

A laugh escaped the silver haired man's lips as he reached in for a box. "Don't see why you should care about my health. Nobody's going to care if I catch cancer, and die here. It's all for the best."

Isshin's hand reached out to grab the box, and his large hand crumpled the box. The dark haired man pulled back his hand, and then flung the crumpled the box across the apartment courtyard. The former taicho of the tenth division turned towards Gin and poked him painfully in the chest. "I care. I care about whether you die or not."

"You shouldn't." Gin shoved his hands into his pocket and glared at the man. "What's the big deal about me getting cancer from all of this smoking? I told you I should have died that day."

"Yeah, you did." Isshin stood there in his Shinigami form with his hands shoved into the sides of his uniforms.

"What?" The silver haired man suddenly clued in to the pained look on the man's face.

"Gin, I've got bad news regarding Toshiro-kun."

The man turned so his pale eyes stared out at the courtyard of the apartment. "Wrong?" Gin could feel his voice strain. "Shiro-chan was just fine when I saw him today."

"You saw the kiddo today?" Isshin's eyes widened, and a sigh escaped his lips. "Except knowing you, you had to have noticed something was wrong."

"Wrong? You mean the fact Shiro-chan showed up at my place last night? He's a smart kid, not really someone I can hide from."

"Gin, come on."

"Fine. He fell asleep during the movie, but he just has a concussion." The silver haired man turned back to look at Isshin. The way the former taicho of the tenth division continued to look at him told him something else was going on.

"It's not just a concussion." Isshin took a deep breath, and Gin found himself swallowing knowing the man had something to say he didn't want to hear. "Toshiro's got cancer." The sinking feeling grew. "Do you understand now why I want you to quit smoking?"

Gin took a deep breath. "Shiro-chan, my Shiro-chan... what do you mean he has cancer?"

Isshin looked away, and his hands remained in his pocket. "It's complicated"

The silver haired man launched forward and grabbed Isshin by the front of his clothing. "Complicated? Shiro-chan's my son! What's to complicated to tell me."

"Well, it's a brain tumor, but we've got to run more tests." Isshin proceeded to explain why they needed to run more tests, and then how Toshiro and a few others were turned into zombies, but how it was likely to late to have Toshiro go through the treatment.

"So you're telling me I let this happen?"

Isshin sighed as a calloused hand reached up to rub the back of his head. "No Gin. This isn't your fault. I can tell you as a parent myself that there are things that are just outside of your control."

"Yeah, well I'm the one who decided to distance myself. I could have protected him! I could have protected both of them!" Gin's bone thin hand cut the air. "I could have..."

"Done nothing. You would have been in jail, doing what? Just sitting there." Isshin took a deep breath. "There is something though..." The man opened his mouth, and explained a particular theory he had. "Just, think about what I've said carefully."

"Where's Shiro-chan right now?"

"Where is he? He's at the hospital. Are you going to go and visit him before the surgery?"

"It might be the last time I get to say good-bye, so I've got to stop by and see him." Gin felt his bone thin hands clench together. "Are you alright with my son dating your daughter?"

"Ah, I honestly was kind of a little more worried about my daughter dating your son. You know how Toshiro is. With the way things are though I think it's not going to be his heart broken."

Gin's eyes narrowed. "You're avoiding what I'm really asking. Shiro-chan personality wise takes after me. You know what kind of person I am."

"And you're not a bad person, just... not taught right. Toshiro-kun was. And you know why? You left him in the hands of the right person as he was growing up. You got that part right."

The man shook his head. "I'm going to go and see him. I've got to see him."

"And what if he sees you?"

"Do you think I really care?" Gin headed down the stairs, and didn't stop to see if Isshin was behind him or not. His mind instead focused on the fact he wanted to see the small child. Instead of signing in he simply walked to where he could sense the child's rieatsu coming from. He stood in the doorway watching the boy sleep, and then stepped over. He brushed a bone thin hand across the boy's forehead, and watched as a few locks of white hair brushed away.

For a few minutes Toshiro's eyes flickered open, but the bright teal eyes remained groggy before snapping shut. A clattering of a trey from behind him made the man turn to see a nurse standing in the doorway watching him. Food scattered across the floor, and her hands lifted up to her mouth. "Who are you?"

"Don't say I was here."

"I can't do that. Proceedure says I need to report you, as you're not supposed to be here. I mean, there is nothing on his, that child's record. The head of the hospital is also in charge of this particular case personally, so if he finds out..."

"You won't lose your job." Isshin's voice came from behind the woman. "He means to say not to let the kid know he was here, or anyone besides me and Ryuken."

"It's not visiting hours." The nurse stooped down to pick up the trey. "I mean, I understand you Kurosaki Sensei, but you're a doctor."

"Family is allowed to visit whether it is visiting hours or not." Isshin stated. "I'll talk to Ryuken. Just don't let anyone else know. The situation's complicated."

The woman hurried to pick up the trey of food, and scurried away. Gin looked at Isshin. "You didn't need to do that ya' know."

"Stop with the fake accent already. And yes, I did need to. I'll stand guard out here, but a nurse is going to have to come soon to wake Toshiro-kun so he can eat something. I'll find a way so that you can come and visit"

"Don't. I just wanted to see him once before he goes into surgery. It's best if I'm not around." Gin turned, and slipped out of the room.


	27. Falling Snow

**Cancer  
** _ **Falling Snow**_

" _I don't like taking medicine._ " The thought pierced his head, and Toshiro drifted between a deep state of sleep, and a semi-deep state of sleep. " _It makes me feel funny, and nothing feels real._ "

The young taicho's eyes opened up to a fuzzy setting which made things come in and out of focus. The need to go to the restroom came over him, and he stood up swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He walked towards the place he figured the bathroom to be in the room, but then opened his eyes again to see himself still in bed. Again the young taicho stood up, and headed into the hall only to wake up again in the bed.

Toshiro pulled a hand up to his head, and tried letting out a deep breath as he thought about getting up. His eyes blinked again as he realized the hand still remained by his side. " _Seriously, I don't like taking medicines. It makes things all funky._ "

" _You need the medicine. They're helping you, young master._ "

Toshiro's eyes flickered open, and for a few minutes he thought he saw Gin again. Eventually though he woke up as a nurse pushed on his shoulder. He opened up his eyes, and felt himself helped up by the nurse into a sitting position. In front of him was a rather simple meal, and he began to eat the food. Every so often the women would remind him to continue eating until he was finished, and then let him go back to sleep.

The young taicho continued to drift in and out of sleep. His eyes opened up, and someone leaned over him. His bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times as he looked up at the figure. Toshiro opened his mouth to speak as his hand reached up to touch the persons face. "Kaien-dono?"

A calloused hand reached out to touch Toshiro's helping him to come back to reality. "No, not Kaien-dono. I don't know who that person is." Toshiro's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times upon seeing Ichigo looking down at him. "How are you doing Toshiro?"

"Thirsty..." The young taicho felt Ichigo help him into a sitting position before lifting the cup of water to his lips. "Where's Karin?" The orange haired teen's lips pushed together. "What? What's the matter?"

"I'd rather Karin and Yuzu not stop by until your surgery's over."

Toshiro felt his stomach lurch despite the fact nausea was gone. "Why? Why not?"

Ichigo let out a deep breath, and looked away. "I don't know how to explain this. Karin needs to be focused on school, and such." A smile filtered across his face. "She is worried about you, but you don't need to see that."

"Still..."

"I know. I promised Karin I would stay with you. Uncle Ryuken got me special permission to sit with you until the surgery is to take place, and then I'm going to be here waiting for your surgery to finish, and for you to wake up. I would have done it otherwise, but... it's best Karin not be here at this point."

Toshiro leaned back in the bed, and stared at the orange haired teen as if Ichigo had done something to betray him.

"Don't worry. My teachers at school know I'm gone, and all duties for Shinigami are being taken care of by one of the resident Shinigami."

"That's not it."

"Then what is?"

"I don't really now. My mind is rather fuzzy. I want to see Karin though."

Toshiro watched as Ichigo's eyes blinked a couple of times, and he also saw a smile spread across the man's face. "Wouldn't you rather see Karin smiling though?"

Two bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. For some reason a smile appeared on his face. "For some reason that makes sense."

"It does?" Ichigo let out a laugh. "I'm glad."

"Aren't you also worried about me?" The words came out of Toshiro's mouth, and the young taicho felt color leave his face. "No, there is no reason for you to. I mean, we're not..." The child taicho turned his head to look away. "... we're not..."

"...not close? I think we are. You're rather like a younger brother to me Toshiro, and I'd be very sad to lose you. There are a lot of people who would be sad to lose you."

"A lot of them are gone." Toshiro looked away, and then let out a sigh as he crossed his arms across his chest. "I can't imagine why I said something silly like that."

"Because Ukitake, the head captain, quite a few people died." Ichigo reached out a hand to ruffle the boy's white hair.

"I want Ukitake. He..." Toshiro swallowed. "He knows how to make things better."

Ichigo's hand stopped ruffling the boy's hair. "Toshiro, Ukitake's gone. I know you would really like him to be here, and if he were alive, he would be, but he's gone."

"I know. I still want him."

"It's also alright if you're scared." Ichigo glanced over to a small trey. "Do you want some more water?"

Toshiro absentmindedly shook his head in the affirmative, and Ichigo poured him another drink. He licked his lips as the orange haired teen handed him the drink, and this time Ichigo let him drink the water on his own. Somehow he managed to spill the water on himself, and Toshiro stopped to look down. The corners of his mouth wrinkled up. "Stupid."

"You're not stupid Toshiro."

"That... it feels like I am. I'm not able to think, or do things like I want to."

"Well, hopefully after the surgery these things will come back."

"Or they won't. I think I'll go back to sleep now."

"Alright. I'll be here waiting for you to wake up again."

Toshiro closed his eyes and drifted off, wishing that the orange haired teen wasn't there. " _Why? Why don't I want him of all people here._ "

"Wakey, wakey!"

The young taicho's bright teal eyes blinked open again to see a stuffed animal sitting on his chest patting his cheek. Toshiro narrowed his eyes at the man. "What are you doing?"

"Doing?" The stuffed animal continued to sit there. "I'm watching you for Ichigo."

Toshiro's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times, and he looked around to see that orange haired teen was gone. "Kurosaki." The young man didn't come at that point in time, and Toshiro let his voice grow louder as he tipped over to the side to push himself up. "Kurosaki!"

The young taicho felt panic well in his chest, and his small, bone thin hand reached out to grab the button next to the bed. His thumb pressed down onto the red button, and his eyes snapped shut. His ears picked up the sound of footsteps hurrying towards the room. The boy felt Kon jump off the bed to go and hide. A nurse came into the room. "What ever's the matter?"

"Kurosaki? Where's Kurosaki?" Toshiro's eyes snapped open. "He said he'd stay with me."

"I, hold on. I saw Isshin Sensei's son out by the vending machine. He was getting himself something to eat."

"I want Kurosaki. Please." The young taicho felt his voice strain. He watched as the woman didn't move to get Ichigo, and instead bent over to pick up the stuffed animal off the ground. Toshiro found himself handed the toy, and in anger he tossed the toy at the door.

The nurse placed her hands on her hip. "Now see here..."

Kurosaki held the stuffed animal near his face, and in the other hand a coffee. "Toshiro..."

"He's throwing a tantrum."

"It's alright."

For some reason Toshiro's cheek heated up, and Ichigo shooed the nurse out of the door. The orange haired teen set Kon down on the table. The young taicho stared at the wall. "I feel like I did something wrong."

"You threw a tantrum you moron!"

Ichigo's fist slammed down onto Kon's head. "Don't. I shouldn't have left, but..." The orange haired teen pulled a candy bar from his pocket. "I got you this."

Toshiro's bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. "Why? I don't understand."

"You're stuck with hospital food. I can't imagine it tastes very good, and you missed out on Yuzu's dinner. She says she's going to make you a really nice dinner when you get out by the way."

"I still don't get it."

Ichigo shook the candy bar at the young taicho. "Toshiro, this actually tastes good. I snuck you a treat."

A bone thin hand reached out to grab the candy bar, and then looked at Ichigo's steaming cup. "Coffee?"

A laugh escaped Ichigo's mouth as he looked at the cup. "Uh, no."

"Why not? I like coffee."

"You're also going to be going into surgery. That means you can't have coffee right now." Ichigo reached out to ruffle Toshiro's white head of hair while the young teen opened the candy bar, and then chomped down. Soon Toshiro found himself drifting back to sleep, and the next time he woke up he saw Rukia looking at him.

"Hi."

"Oh, hi. How do you fee Hitsugaya Taicho?"

"Yucky."

"Ichigo says you're going into surgery in a coupe of hours."

"Oh. Joy." Toshiro watched as Rukia worried her lip. "What?"

"I just..." Rukia took a deep breath. "Hitsugaya Taicho, may I have permission to give you a hug?"

The young taicho stared at the fukutaicho of the thirteenth division. "What ever for?"

"I just, you're going into the surgery and all. It just..." The dark haired Shinigami looked away. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

"No, for some reason it sounds important. I think it's all right." The words came out of Toshiro's mouth unexpectidly, and then came the unexpected hug despite the fact Rukia said she would hug him. His bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times, and his bone thin body tensed up. One hand reached up to pat her on the back, but stopped short.

Rukia pulled away from him. "That's from everybody in Soul Society."

Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times. "So, how come you know about all of this?"

"How come..." Rukia let out a deep sigh. "Sorry, it's just... I'm staying at Ichigo's place right now, so it's hard not to hear things. Plus, Ichigo let me know."

The young taicho glanced around, and saw the orange haired teen sitting in a chair. One bone thing reached out, but couldn't quite touch Ichigo's arm. Rukia walked over and nudged her companion awake, and the orange haired teen moved his chair closer. "Hey Toshiro. Sorry I fell asleep."

"No. I don't want to be..." Toshiro's eyes blinked a couple of times. "Sorry, I don't quite know what I don't want to be."

A nurse came in at that point, and the young taicho winced at the razor sitting on the trey she brought. "It's time."

The young taicho felt the color leave his face, but then turned his head upon feeling a calloused hand touch his bone thin arm, and then said hand move Toshiro's bone thin hand to a muscled arm. Two bright eyes darted up to look at Ichigo as the young taicho pushed his lips together.

"If you feel uncomfortable go ahead and hold onto my arm as tight as you want Toshiro."

The young taicho swallowed, and then closed his eyes. The buzzing sound made a shiver run down his spine, and a second shiver ran down his spine as he felt the locks of hair fall down onto his shoulder, and his fingers dug into the man's arms. Toshiro also thought a sob escaped his lips, and when the entire thing finished he found himself leaning into the arms of Ichigo while the older teen rubbed his back. Then came the medicine to put him under, and he found himself drifting away.


	28. Curry, No Curry

**Cancer  
** _ **Curry, No Curry**_

Rukia's arms crossed her chest as her mouth twisted up. "I can't believe he kicked us out."

Yuzu glanced over her shoulder at her companion. "Ichi-nii just wanted a special dinner for Toshiro-kun and Karin-chan. They are after all announcing their relationship to dad."

"You don't think there's something more serious going on. Actually, you don't seem surprised that those two are dating." Rukia let out another sigh. " _Seriously though. Hitsugaya Taicho should know better. Things are pretty bad, him just randomly showing up like he did. Seriously..._ "

" _Ichigo did say his father is Toshiro's former taicho. It seems like he was trying to avoid Yuzu seeing an outburst from the young taicho._ "

" _Hitsugaya Taicho doesn't have out busts._ "

" _Well, maybe it has to do with explaining to Yuzu why Hitsygaya Taicho might refer to Mr. Kurosaki as taicho?_ "

" _Maybe. If so that's a good catch. I think it's something more. I wish he would, as his future fukutaicho, let me in more._ "

"Hey, Rukia! What should we make?"

"Um..." Rukia's eyes blinked a couple of times. "I don't know." She followed behind Yuzu at the small store, and walked close behind watching items being placed into the cart. The light haired Kurosaki decided on making a nice curry as that dish was the first dish Toshiro had at the house. "I'm not sure that's his favorite food, and... did you ever answer my question about why you're not surprised about them dating."

Yuzu held a carrot to the side of her face as she thought carefully over Rukia's question. "No, I don't think I did. I really just knew. I've never seen anybody get along with Karin that well, I mean, besides family."

"Yeah, but wouldn't that mean maybe that she thinks of him as family?"

"I don't know. It's kinda different from family to. I mean, she gets along better with Toshiro-kun then even me, or anyone in the family. You to Rukia-nee."

Rukia pushed her lips together, and when Yuzu payed for the groceries she took a few bags in her arms. She arrived back at the Kurosaki household only to find the place strangely silent. Ichigo sat on the couch with his head bowed over, and the fukutaicho of the thirteenth division set her bags down. Rukia then walked over to the young man, and tapped him on the shoulder. Ichigo's head tilted up, and she could see melancholy had set in. "Hey?"

"What's the matter? Where's your dad and the other two?" Rukia's eyes darted around the room, and her mouth twisted up into a frown. "Seriously, where are they?"

"My dad took Toshiro to the hospital to run a few tests. Karin went with them." Ichigo leaned back to look at the ceiling.

"Wait..." Yuzu's voice strained. "What about dinner? Toshiro-kun, he is going to be back for dinner.

The orange haired teen tilted his head to the side. "Sorry Yuzu. There is a chance Toshiro may be staying in the hospital."

"But... Karin-chan and Toshiro-kun, they..." Yuzu glared down at the counter. "That's so not fair."

"Toshiro can't help the fact he's sick."

"It's still not fair that this is happening to them! You seriously don't get it Ichi-nii!" Yuzu tore up the stairs leaving the food on the table rather then making dinner.

Ichigo moved a hand over his eyes. "Dear god. Yuzu's going to be crying her head off up there. Rukia..."

"After I get the food put away." Rukia carefully removed each item. "You sure you don't want to talk to her?"

"I think a female would be a better choice. Thank you for knowing though what I wanted without me having to even ask. That's something I like about you, you know."

"You're welcome, I think." Rukia carefully put each item away, and went up the stairs. The fukutaicho of the thirteenth heard the soft crying coming from the room, and she opened the door without knocking. "Yuzu-chan?" Rukia saw the young female sitting on her bed with her face buried into a stuffed animal as she sobbed away. "Oh, kiddo."

Rukia stepped over, and wrapped her arms around Yuzu. Somehow she found herself rocking back and forth. "It's going to be alright Yuzu."

"No it's not. Toshiro-kun's going to die just like mommy did. Karin's going to be sad like daddy is, and he'll be taken even sooner. It's not fair!"

Rukia let out a sigh. " _I don't know what to tell her. I don't know what to tell myself. I mean, there is no evidence that Hitsugaya Taicho's that ill. Except..._ "

" _Ichigo's father's medically trained. He knows something is off, but he's not wishing to say anything at this point._ " Rukia rested her chin on the top of Yuzu's head. She remained in that position until Karin came into the room. The other girl looked like she was going to cry, and Rukia opened her arm up to the young female. Karin hurried over and buried her head into Rukia's side. The dark haired Shinigami didn't leave until both girls fell asleep.

She then stepped out of the room turning off the light, and closing the door behind her. She headed down the stairs to find Ichigo and Isshin sitting at the table with cups of coffee, but neither choose to drink the brew. She sat down, and Isshin moved to get her a cup. "So, what's going on?"

"Toshiro's got a tumor. A brain tumor to be exact."

Rukia felt her mouth twist up. "A tumor? But he was healthy right before the war started"

"It has to due with the zombie stuff that happened Toshiro. At least I think it's got a connection."

Isshin took a deep breath. "I''m going to be going for a walk. I need to get out of here."

"Go ahead dad. I'll take care of Karin and Yuzu." Ichigo continued to stare at his drink.

Rukia let the corners of her mouth twist up. "Are you sure that's all right? I mean... isn't he like, needed here?"

"Dad's kinda mad that he couldn't do anything about the situation. You could say that it's a Shiba thing, but I really don't know that much about the rest of the family."

"Well, from what I've seen it is a very Kurosaki thing... to... beat... oneself up." Rukia stared at Ichigo. "Did you just say that your dad's a Shba."

"Yeah. Don't quite know his exact connection. Four elements, four siblings I guess."

"I, oh. I really didn't make the connection. I'm sorry I didn't. I mean..."

"Don't. Seriously don't worry about it. I doubt dad would have let you appear in front of him, and see him, had you actually known him. I think he hid from Toshiro and Rangiku-san. I mean, he never was around when they were here. Toshiro's been around a lot actually. He..." Ichigo leaned forward to bury his face into his hands. "Seriously... just the other day the two of them were hanging out like normal kids. Toshiro was actually acting his age. Now..."

"Now what?"

"Don't you get it?" Ichigo snapped, and Rukia winced. "He never got the chance to be a kid. I know he's a taicho and all, but he still should have had the chance to be a child."

Rukia swallowed, and finally decided to take a sip of her coffee. "That, it's kind of hard to think of Hitsugaya Taicho as a child you know."

"Rukia..."

"I know. He is one. That just, kinda makes this whole thing worse. I mean," Rukia took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She leaned back in her chair, and held her cup of coffee up high. "... I mean, this rather does make it even clearer that he's just a kid, doesn't it? It makes it hit home harder."

"Yeah, it does."


	29. Pain of Self

**Cancer  
** _ **Pain of Self**_

Rukia sat on Ichigo's bed reading one of her goth novels, but found herself unable to get very far into the story. The female Shinigami set the book down, and turned her head towards Kon who was sitting on Ichigo's desk sulking. "What ever is the matter with you?"

"You and Ichigo are supper moody today, and haven't given me the time of day."

"Do we ever give you the time of day?" Ichigo looked up from where he stood stooped over his bookshelf.

"You still haven't picked out something to read Ichigo?"

"No. I can't stop thinking about Toshiro, and what's going on with him. It really sucks that he's sick like he is."

"There is nothing we can do about it."

Kon's eyes blinked a couple of times as he looked at Rukia. He stood up and walked over to the edge of the desk, and pointed his stuffed paw at her. "Say, what's going on? That kid didn't run off again." The comment from the stuffed animal made Ichigo choke. "What? He took off trying to do things on his own. You should go and lecture him about not letting others help."

Ichigo shook his head before turning to the mod sol. "What would you know? This time around is different. I doubt Toshiro intended to take things on his own again. He just, the situation's complicated."

The stuffed lion plopped down into a sitting position with his arms crossed. "Nobody ever tells me anything."

"Hitsugaya Taicho's sick. Really sick." Rukia piped up. "He's being treated at Uryu's dad's hospital."

"Why not soul society? It's rather dumb that he's being treated here." Kon pointed his paw at Ichigo. "You should get him to go back soul society."

The fukutaicho of the thirteenth division let her book snap shut, and pushed herself up from the bed. The book sat between two of Rukia's fingers, and as she passed by Kon she shoved the book at him. "The situation is complicated."

The female fukutaicho headed down the stairs, and found Karin sitting at the table staring off at nothing. Rukia felt her mouth twist into a frown, and finally she walked over to the dark haired twin. "Hey. You alright?"

"I'm doing better then Toshiro is." Karin leaned forward to place her chin into the palm of her hands.

"Hey, how about we go for a walk. We can talk, or if you don't want to not talk at all." Rukia watched as the young female looked up at her, and then pushed her chair away from the table. They headed towards the door, and slipped out. Karin looked up at the sky, and they began waking towards the park where Rukia knew Karin went to play soccer.

"I'm a big confused."

Rukia's eyes blinked a couple of times, and turned her head to look at Karin. "What do you mean?"

"I get the feeling this is upsetting you, but..." Karin looked at the ground. "... you also seem a bit distant for someone whose losing a friend."

The female fukutaicho's eyes widened. "Distant? I guess it would be, as I really don't know Hitsugaya Taicho that well. He's not exactly a very sociable person, so it's kind of a surprise you managed to make friends with him. Then again that might be because I never got to know him like others have."

"If you don't know him well, then why are you sad?"

"I don't know. I know it's in part because he's so young. I guess if something happened to him during one of these battles, something serious, I would have been upset to. He's bounced back so well both times despite what happened that I kind of forgot he's as young as he is, and when he's around me hes rather, well, he acts like an adult. He's able to hold a conversation with my nii-sama easily, nor has nii-sama ever uttered a complaint."

"Well, does your older brother complain about other Shinigami who are Toshiro's age."

"There aren't many Hitsugaya Taicho's age. The only other one around the captain's age I've never heard an ill word about though is Yamada Hanataro. He's I think older then Hitsugaya Taicho."

"Is it weird to say that I'm in love with him?" Karin's next comment made Rukia draw in her breath. "I know that I'm only thirteen, and such, and I know that technically that's to young to really understand such things. Toshiro's different from the other guys I know though. He's mature for his age, and I get him, and I think he gets me."

A laugh escaped Rukia's mouth. "You do know other guys will eventually be mature like Hitsugaya Taicho. I don't think he gets many people either. I can imagine him finding the whole idea of liking someone, loving them maybe even, to be a confusing thing." A frown spread across the female Shinigami's face. "I'm surprised he confessed."

"That's complicated. Truth be told I've known for a very long time that Toshiro has feelings for me. I some how know things like that. It was kind of fun watching Ichi-nii tease him, and see Toshiro get frustrated every time someone suggested we were dating."

Rukia's eyes widened. "It wasn't just Ichigo and your sister?"

"No. There's the little old lady Toshiro comes and visits every so often. I'll need to stop by and see her I guess. I think Rangiku-san also was interested in the idea."

"Oh, that sounds like her." The female fukutaicho jammed her hands down into her pockets. Rukia felt her phone vibrate, and quickly pulled out the soul phone. "Speaking of which..." The fukutaicho of the thirteen opened her phone up. "Rangiku-san?"

" _Rukia? You're there with Ichigo. Do you know how my taicho's doing? Ichigo's father, it is our former taicho, right? He's taking care of taicho, right?_ "

"I..." Rukia glanced over at Karin. "I actually don't have much information, but Karin-chan's here with me."

" _Karin-chan? She knows taicho's sick?_ "

The fukutaicho of the thirteenth pushed her lips together tightly, as her mouth turned down into a frown. "Rangiku-san? That seems to be bothering you for some reason."

" _Well, taicho has a crush on her. A big one. It was kind of one of those love at first sight things, but he's not..._ " The other fukutaicho took a deep breath. " _He's not admitting it. He'll be devastated that she knows. He hates being a burden to anybody, and to be a burden to Karin-chan..._ "

"Hold on." Rukia pulled the phone away from her mouth. "Hey, she's rather upset that you know."

"Why?" Karin rocked back on her heals.

"She's apparently convinced Hitsugaya Taicho would be devastated that you know, that he would hate being a burden on you. Then there is the fact she's talking about how Hitsugaya Taicho hasn't admitted to having, well feelings for you."

For a few seconds Karin stared at Rukia in disbelief, and then held out her hand for the phone. Rukia instead put the phone onto speaker phone. "Rangiku-san?"

" _Karin-chan! Did Rukia just tell you about Toshiro's feelings for you? He..._ "

"First, I've known for some time. Second, you could say Toshiro's admitted his feelings for me. We, we're actually officially a couple. Toshiro kind of knew something was wrong, and it kind of pushed him towards doing something he normally wouldn't."

" _But he wouldn't do that normally. He'd, well... he'd not want you to know he was sick, or to be a burden to you._ "

"I know."

Rukia blinked a couple of times as she held the phone in her hand. "What..."

"I know full well how Toshiro normally is. I figured this is the one time he'd actually do something for himself without realizing it, so I took full advantage of that fact. Since he's sick like he is..." Karin swallowed before looking up at Rukia. "I want to grant one wish, even if it's just for a short period of time. He's important to me."

A silence fell over the other side of the phone. Rangiku finally let out a sigh of relief. " _Thank you Karin-chan. Could you two keep an eye out for taicho for me? I'm wanting to get there before the surgery, but I've got to get around this red tape. I'm just glad Shiba Isshin is taking care of that child. He's not though going by the name of Shiba, is he?_ "

"No. My dad's actually going by the name of Kurosaki. I guess it would be my mother's name."

" _I'll call again in a bit._ " Rangiku said her goodbyes, and the two females looked at each other. Without saying anything they continued their walk to the park, and found themselves sitting on the benches.

"That's a rather nice thing you're doing for Hitsugaya taicho."

"I figured as much due to how much this is hurting emotionally. I really don't like the fact I'm likely going to lose him."

"You might not. He may actually get better."

Karin's lips pushed together in a grimace before leaning back to look up at the sky. Everything remained quiet and calm as the two sat there, and for awhile neither one needed to think about the situation. Someone however called from up above the stand, and Rukia tilted her head up to look at a group of kids around Karin and Toshiro's physical age. The five guys hurried down the stairs.

"Hey, Karin! Is Toshiro still around."

Karin opened her mouth to say something, but then her mouth snapped shut, and she found herself looking away. "Kind of."

"If he's around, do you think that it would be possible for him to play soccer with us again? That was actually quite a lot of fun playing with him despite the fact he got that soccer-ball kicked at him by Hashigami. I'm surprised Hashigami even took an interest in soccer. He used to complain."

"Actually, it's going to be awhile until Toshiro can play. He's kind of not feeling well."

"See, I told you him getting kicked in the head with a soccer ball was a problem."

"Actually, it's not the fact he got kicked in the head with the soccer ball. I don't exactly have Toshiro's permission to go into detail at this point."

Rukia watched as the boys let out sighs, and then walked away from the place. The looks on their faces said a lot. "So, he actually made friends with your friends?"

"Yeah, but he'd never admit it. Plus, he wouldn't have made friends with them if we hadn't become friends."

"Still, he doesn't actually hang out with the Shinigami his age. Those guys are lucky I guess."

"They're just a bunch of idiots." A laugh escaped Karin's mouth. "When they first met Toshiro they thought he was some gang member who bleached his hair."

"And they don't think the same way?"

"Toshiro was ignoring us, so I kicked a soccer ball at his head." The smile left Karin's face. "Under normal circumstances Toshiro would have been able to return that soccer ball at Hashigami. He's not even as good as me, so it should have been easy for Toshiro to kick it back. It rather confirmed for me that something was really wrong."

"Let's not give up hope." Rukia felt a smile spread across her face. "My former taicho, he was always fond of Hitsugaya Taicho. He'd be upset and turning over in his grave if he knew we gave up hope."


	30. Snots in the Dark

**Cancer  
** _ **Shots in the Dark**_

"She's hurting."

Ichigo removed his arm from over his eyes, and looked at Rukia as she stared at him from the doorway. The orange haired teen pushed himself up, and saw Kon still sulking on his desk. "Say what?"

"Your sister. I went with a walk with her, and she told me letting Hitsugaya taicho have his way hurts." Rukia closed the door behind her.

One calloused hand reached up to ruffle his hair, and then Ichigo let out a sigh. "Letting Toshiro get his way? How is he getting his way? He's stuck in the hospital right now, and even though he's acting a little weird it's still not in his personality to demand things."

"I probably should have worded that better." Ruki came over and sat down next to Ichigo. "It's just that, it's hurting Karin to be in a relationship with Hitsugaya taicho. I know he's not intending to be a burden, and he really wouldn't be a burden if he were under his right mind, but she's putting his feelings before his."

Ichigo stared at Rukia. "Say what?"

"Are you sure you don't have a problem with them dating?"

"No, but..." The orange haired teen let out a sigh. "I guess I do need to make sure she doesn't get hurt by this. She's going to want to go and see him, but if she's hurting and not talking about it." Ichigo stood up, only for Rukia to grab his arm. "What?"

"Don't. Karin told me that in confidence. I only told you because I needed to vent. What's wrong with letting her handle the situation."

Ichigo glanced up at the ceiling while he thought about Rukia's question, and when he found his answer he looked back down. "I think it's because it's not just going to be Karin who gets hurt. Toshiro could also get hurt by this, and truth be told if he goes back to acting like he normally does there may be problems."

"You don't think he'd panic and deny he has feelings gor her? That would just be cruel."

"No. That's not Toshiro." Ichigo tried smiling at Rukia. "What I'm going to do is go and see her, and try to convince her to wait until after the surgery is done. She can go with Yuzu."

"Don't. This won't end well."

"Yuzu's already pissed off at me, I think. She's always telling me I don't get things. This isn't much different."

"Oh, it's different."

"I think I can reason with Karin." Ichigo walked out of the room, and glanced back to see Rukia looking after him while worrying her lip. The orange haired teen shook his head before knocking on the door to Karin' and Yuzu's room.

The lighter haired twin opened the door, and stared for a bit. "Karin's down stairs if that's who you're looking for. You want to talk to her about Toshiro-kun, right?"

"Yeah. Thanks." Ichigo headed down the stairs, and found Karin sitting at the table with her head resting in her arms. He pulled out the chair. "We need to talk."

"About what."

"I don't want you visiting Toshiro until his surgery. It's scheduled for in a couple of days, so it won't be that long."

"Hell no! I promised Toshiro that I would be coming to see him! Don't you dare make me break my promise with Toshiro Ichi-nii! That's just wrong." Karin moved to leaning against one palm of her hand.

"I'm not asking you to break your promise. You can visit him after his surgery."

"Why the hell should I?" His sister sat up straight at this point. "Seriously, why?"

"Because you don't want Toshiro to see that you're upset." Ichigo watched as Karin's eyes widened.

"How obvious is it that I'm upset?"

"Well, Rukia did come and say something to me, but I can rather tell without you saying anything." Ichigo tapped his fingers against the table.

"I can't just leave him there by himself though, Ichi-nii. That's just... sad." Karin glanced away.

"Look, I was planning on going in tomorrow and staying with him for a bit. Who knows, maybe I can talk to Uncle Ryuken into letting me stay with Toshiro since he doesn't have any family. I'd feel better if I was the one doing this."

"Fine, but if Toshiro gets mad at me understand that it's your fault."

Ichigo blinked a couple of times as Karin brushed by him. He heard Rukia's voice from the doorway. "You handled that very well Ichigo."

"Shut up Rukia."

…

The orange haired teen breathed as sigh of relief as Ryuken gave him permission before waving Ichigo out of the office. He sat down next to the young taicho despite the fact Rukia told him she wouldn't have any part of upsetting the young taicho by not having Karin's promise be kept. It didn't matter how much Ichigo insisted Karin wasn't really breaking her promise either.

Two bright teal eyes blinked open, and Ichigo stood up to lean over Toshiro to great the young taicho as he woke up. For some reason the white haired youth's bone thin hand reached up to touch Ichigo's face. "Kaien-dono?"

Ichigo took a deep breath as he touched the boy's hand. "I don't know who that person is." The orange haired teen found himself helping Toshiro get a drink of water before moving onto explaining why Karin wasn't going to be there. The look on the young taicho's face made Ichigo think he'd actually done something wrong despite the fact he felt he did what was right.

To his surprise he found himself talking to Toshiro about personal things, that the young taicho was like a brother, that people did care about the boy, and about those who were lost. " _He's going to need to really heal, isn't he?"_ "

" _Yes. It's not just the physical sickness which is an issue. There is a lot of pain in this child's life._ " The Quincy side of Ichigo's powers remained somber, and direct.

The side identified as the Hollow though remained blunt, and brash. " _Don't sugar coat things. That's just stupid._ "

Rukia eventually came by with Kon, and asked how things went. Ichigo looked up at her. "Fine. They went fine. Can't believe the surgery is so close. Uncle Ryuken's keeping Toshiro knocked out so he doesn't go and do something stupid, or at least that's what he told me a few minutes ago. He said something about hearing stories from my dad about how Toshiro would take off. I guess it's a good thing I'm here."

"Well, I brought this thing." Ichigo's fukutaicho shoved the stuffed animal into his face. "I figured he can give you a break."

"You're not staying?"

"I'm kind of mad at You Ichigo. I don't think you're doing the right thing."

"I got that." Ichigo leaned back. "By the way? Whose Kaien-dono?"

A deep breath made the orange haired teen tilt his head towards Rukia. The small fukutaicho folded her arms across her chest. "Kaien-dono? He was the fukutaicho before me."

The new taicho of the thirteenth division took a deep breath. A laugh escaped his lips. "Why are you hesitating? Is it that you think I'm going to get jealous or something? I'm a taicho after all." Rukia continued to look away, and Ichigo rubbed the back of his head. "I was just joking."

"No, it's not that. Kaien-dono is, no, was, a part of the Shiba clan. That means he's a part of your family." The female fukutaicho continued to look away.

Ichigo took a deep breath. "Oh..." He reached a calloused hand up to rub the back of his head. "That would explain why Toshiro thought I was him."


	31. Clocks Click Closer

**Cancer  
** _ **Clocks Click Closer**_

Ichigo watched Kon pace back at the foot of Toshiro's hospital bed. Every so often a nurse would come into the room, and Kon would collapse into a heap as if he were a normal toy, and the nurse would tuck the toy under the covers with the young taicho. Ichigo found himself pushing back a smirk as he thought of what Toshiro would do should he know what was going on.

Kon eventually decided to dive off the bed, but the nurse still placed the toy back on the bed with Toshiro. One asked Ichigo if they could wash the stuffed toy, and the orange haired teen found himself fighting back the temptation to send Kon to the wash, and choose to allow the mod sol some dignity. "I'll think about it." Rukia on the other hand avoided him, and eventually Ichigo felt the need to stretch his legs. He looked over at the stuffed toy. "Kon, do me a favor?"

"As if? I've got no reason to help you out!"

"I just need you to talk to Toshiro if he wakes up. Let him know I'm going to go and get me something to eat, and that I'm also going to be getting something for him."

"What ever for?"

"'cause I'm getting hungry."

"No, I mean why get something for the kid?"

"Because he's stuck with hospital food." Ichigo stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets, and headed out of the door. Finding an actual vending machine took some time, but finally he found a machine for a couple of candy bars, and a coffee. He walked back at a casual pace thinking Toshirou wouldn't wake up before he got back.

When he got back to the room he found himself catching Kon as a rather irate Toshiro flung the stuffed toy past the nurse. Ichigo watched as the nurses face twisted up at the young taicho's behavior, and she spoke in a rather stern voice. "He's throwing a tantrum."

"It's all right." Ichigo watched as she gave him a look of disbelief. " _If only she understood how he normally acts, and that he's usually a well behaved kid. It's also not his fault that he's having a panic attack._ " The orange haired teen put on his best smile to placate her. "Really, it's alright. Toshiro doesn't normally act like this."

He then headed over to the boy, and explained why he left. Toshiro looked rather abashed at his actions, but something prevented him from understanding what he did. He watched the young taicho scarf down the candy bar, and listen to Ichigo's words about a promised dinner. To his surprise the young taicho's eyes lit up at the sight of his coffee, and Ichigo enjoyed how Toshiro let him ruffle his white hair before the young taicho driffted back to sleep.

"What did you do?" Ichigo looked over at Lon

"What do you mean?"

"Toshiro wasn't in a state to wake up, and you must have said something to get him to flip out."

"The nurse handed me to the kid. He didn't like being treated like a sissy. In other words it was that lady's fault."

"Uh-huh." Ichigo took a sip of his coffee and relaxed. A knock eventually came at the door frame, and he saw Rukia standing there. "Hey."

"I decided to come back."

"I thought you were staying away because you're mad at me, or because I started talking about something you really didn't want me to talk about." Ichigo smiled at her.

"A fukutaicho needs to stand by their taicho." Rukia swallowed as she looked at Ichigo. "Plus, the real reason I stayed away was because while I don't like what's happening to Hitsugaya Taicho, I also don't really know him. It kind of feels like I'm venturing into a rather personal place."

Ichigo tilted his head to the side. "Well, as my fukutaicho that means you're close to me, and that means you're going to be close to those I am."

Rukia tried smiling at Ichigo, but instead found herself looking away. The clock continued to tick away to the time when Toshiro would have surgery, and Rukia headed out to check her soul phone. She came back, and asked Ichigo to talk to Rangiku. The orange haired teen stepped out of the room, but couldn't help but notice how uncomfortable Rukia looked. He dialed the number keyed to Rangiku's phone.

"Rangiku-san?"

" _Kurosaki Ichigo? How's my taicho doing?_ "

"He's doing as fine as he can. be. He got a little miffed at Kon, though Kon's trying to blame whatever happened on the nurse who was in here. Not that I can blame Toshiro for throwing a fit at having that dirty stuffed animal handed to him like he was a little kid, but I think Kon woke him up while I stepped out for a bit."

" _I see. Well, not really. Taicho threw a fit? He doesn't normally do that. He's not acting like himself. Has Karin been to visit?"_

"She was there when dad brought Toshiro in, but she's not been back. I was worried Toshiro would pick up on the fact she's upset. I didn't know how he would react if he did."

Rangiku breathed a sigh of relief on the other side of the phone. " _Thank you. Just, thank you for staying with him._ "

Ichigo said his goodbyes after assuring Rangiku he would stay with Toshiro, and headed back into the room. He sat down in the chair by the young taicho's bed, and he listened to the clock tick. Rukia this time around stayed with him, and the orange haired teen felt more at ease. The young taicho remained still as the medicine kept Toshiro asleep. Eventually he found himself able to step out of the room again, and Rukia watched Toshiro for him.

When Ichigo stepped back into the room with treats for all three of them, he saw the two talking to each other. The atmosphere felt strange, but neither part told him what happened. Eventually Toshiro's surgery was only a couple of hours away. Ichigo watched as one of the nurses came into the room. The orange haired teen's eyebrows darted up at the site of the razor on the trey, and his eyes darted over to white head of hair. Toshiro was awake due to instructions to wake him up at a certain point.

The nurse mentioned something about doing this in the room as Ryuken gave orders for Toshiro not to eave the room. Ichigo watched the young taicho sit there staring at the razor. Something told him Toshiro was bothered for some reason by the situation. " _Come on. Even you think it's weird, that kid being without those white locks of hair._ "

The orange haired teen moved over, and let the young taicho grip his arm as the nurse went at the white locks. Ichigo saw Toshiro tense up, and out of the corner of his eye he saw the color drain from Rukia's face. Lock after lock of the white hair cascade to the bed, and finally Ichigo rubbed Toshiro as they brought medicine so the young taicho would sleep through the surgery.

They came to take Toshiro away, and Ichigo turned his head to see the color having drained from Rukia's face. "You alright." The fukutaicho of the thirteenth division shook her head before heading over to the trashcan. Ichigo flinched as he heard Rukia puke into the can. "Hey..."

"I'm sorry. Seeing Hitugaya Taicho's head shaved like that."


	32. Unsaid Words

**Cancer  
** _ **Unsaid Words**_

Two dark eyes watched as white locks of hair fell like snow. Rukia felt a heavy sickening feeling seep in as she looked at the sight of the young taicho's head being shaved. " _Why? Why do I feel the way I do? I don't know Hitsugaya Taicho like Ichigo does, or his sisters and father._ "

" _There is the fact you promised Ichigo that those important to him will be important to you._ "

" _I think it's more then that._ " Rukia's eyes blinked a couple of times as a chill set in. " _Wait, did the temperature in the room drop. Is Hitsugaya Taicho creating this change in temperature? This isn't something I can do easily._ "

" _Yes, I think it is. The child's power is abnormal._ "

" _Is that another one of life's cruelties?_ " Eventually the young taicho sat there, every lock of white hair gone. Rukia tried holding back the feelings, and the gut reaction to become physically ill. " _At least wait until Hitsugaya Taicho is asleep. Don't mess up in front of him. He'll be upset that..._ " Rukia's eyes blinked a couple of times, and then look up at Ichigo.

" _Isn't this what Ichigo meant when he didn't want to upset Toshiro by having Karin show how she felt?"_

" _Was he actually right on this one? Is that what you're saying?_ "

Rukia clamped her eyes shut as Toshiro lay his head down, and she crossed her fingers as the sudden wish that Hitsugaya taicho would get through the surgery without any complications. She took a deep breath, and opened her eyes to see Ichigo. Rukia watched as the doctors and nurses came to pull out Toshiro from the room.

A wave of nausea hit as soon as the young taicho was out of the room, and Rukia found herself leaning over a trash can. She looked up at Ichigo, and felt the corners of her mouth turn down. " _He looks so tired. Actually, he looks like he's the one who threw up._ " The fukutaicho of the thirteenth shook her head at Ichigo. "I'm sorry. Seeing Hitsugaya Taicho's head shaved like that."

"You don't have to say anything." Ichigo shoved his hands into his pocket. "Let's go to get something to eat."

"Wait, shouldn't we be waiting here?"

"It's going to take a few hours." The orange haired teen headed to the door, and walked past Rukia. "Uncle Ryuken told me he would give me a call as soon as surgery is over. He kind of made me promise to take care of myself, and to get something to eat."

"Are you going to go home?" The dark haired fukutaicho quickly followed after Ichigo.

Ichigo glanced over his shoulders. "I don't exactly wish to see my sisters right now. Funny how we were going to be telling my friends that I planned on staying in soul society, and that it's a done deal."

Rukia felt her mouth twist, and her eyes blinked a couple of times. "Well, should we tell them about Hitsugaya Taicho at least?" The newest taicho of the gotei thirteen continued walking along without answering Rukia. They finally stopped in a family restaurant near the hospital, and Ichigo ordered food along with a coffee. "You didn't answer my question you know."

"I know." Ichigo set his cup of coffee down. "Toshiro wanted my coffee the other day. I don't think he realizes yet there's going to be a lot of things he's not going to be able to do for awhile." A silence fell between the two. "I don't want Orihime to know." The teen stopped short. "Actually, her ability might have been an option."

"You mean we went through all of this for nothing?" Rukia opened up her phone. " _ichigo's not wanting to tell Orihime despite the fact he knows her powers can fix things. Seriously, I don't know what to think of that._ " Her eyes narrowed. "Rangiku sent me more information about Hitsugaya Taicho's cancer. I'm not quite understanding any of it."

"Let me see." Ichigo held out his calloused hand, and Rukia handed over the phone. Two brown eyes drifted back and forth as a frown spread across his face. "Well, it's believed this has some connection to Toshiro being turned into a zombie, and the cancer is genetic." I

"I guess Orihime's powers wouldn't have helped. Toshiro would have ended up with this eventually. That's just..." Rukia bit down into her sandwich rather then finishing her sentence.

"Maybe. The fact there is a genetic predisposition towards something doesn't mean it will happen. Though if you're talking about the personalities and quirks of the Shiba clan, that definitely seems to be genetic and unavoidable." Ichigo flipped the phone shut, and handed the device back to Rukia. "Hey, what's the matter."

"I didn't mean to imply that..." Rukia felt her throat tighten, and the words refused to come out.

"Imply what?"

"Imply that, well... "Rukia took a deep breath. "You avoided telling Orihime about this despite the fact she could easily have done something to help Hitsugaya Taicho. Or at least that's the way it looks."

"Orihime's power isn't perfect." Ichigo stared down at the meatloaf which remained mostly untouched. "I've seen it fail in the past." Two brown eyes looked up into Rukia. A hand reached up to rub the back of his head. "I thought you knew full well that I believe you can take care of yourself, whereas Orihime can't."

"I didn't mean..." Rukia felt her voice tighten up, and her face turned away from Ichigo

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Ichigo lift the cup of coffee up to his lips, and then he set it back down. "There's also the fact you're the person I'd want to share things with. That's something I thought you knew without me telling you."

The two continued to eat their food in silence, and Rukia thought carefully about what Ichigo said to her. Eventually though she pushed the subject to the back of her mind, and noted the fact her companion didn't touch her food. "You really need to eat." Her mind drifted back to something Ichigo said early. "Wait. When you said Hitsugaya Taicho will be needing to get used to not being able to do certain things, you haven't decided that he'll, that one of those things will happen to him?"

"Ah, no. I mean, he's got recovery time from the surgery. That means bed rest." Ichigo looked up, and then back down. "That said there was actually something else in those notes. Apparently one of the Quincy is very sick. She also like Toshiro refused treatment, and her cancers apparently metastasized."

"Metastasized? What does that mean?"

"It means that the cancer has spread to the rest of the body. I don't know of any cases where there has been successful treatment once that happened." Ichigo glanced out of the window. "I didn't know that stuff before I said Toshiro may have a long journey ahead of him. This really sucks you know. I really liked the fact that over the last year he's opened up since I saw him."

"I'm sorry. I'm the one who shared that information to you."

"Don't be. You're my fukutaicho, and were doing your job."

"For some reason though I don't think this is about doing ones job anymore." Rukia tapped the top of her cup as she took a drink. "He'll be fine. He's got to be fine."


	33. Drifting Out

**Cancer  
** _ **Drifting Out**_

Everything in Toshiro's mind felt fuzzy as he drifted through a place of nowhere. Everything felt warm to the young taicho as he remained in the nowhere place. For a short period of time he thought he tasted something really sweet on the tip of his tongue, but instead his mind turned to focusing on the white outside of his view point. Everything as far as the eye could see was white.

"Where is home? Where is the place I belong?"

"It's time to wake up now, young master."

Toshiro found himself turning to see a rather large dragon in front of him. "Who are you?"

"You know who I am."

The young taicho tried blinking his eyes, and closing them, but instead his eyes remained open. "I don't know who you are."

"Yes, you do know my name. Say it out loud. Say my name, young master."

Two eyes finally closed as Toshiro tried focusing in on the name of the dragon, and the feeling of being on a quest washed over him. Dark blackness replaced the white purity, and a sickening feeling set in as the question of which place he belonged came up. " _The blackness of night, where the monsters stay, or do I go with Hyorinmar_ _u_ _into the light?_ " Toshiro's eyes snapped open. "Your name is Hyorinmaru, is it not? But who are you?"

"I am your zampaktuo. It is time for you to wake up, young master."

Toshiro continued to stare up at the dragon, as his lips pushed together. "It feels like something is missing. I don't want to wake up yet." A silence fell between the two, and a strong wind blowing icy snow rushed through. Toshiro lifted his arms up to shield his body. "Wait! Please don't be angry at me!"

"I'm not angry with you little one. There has been something missing for a very long time. I don't think though you will find what you're looking for in here. What you're looking for is actually out there, waiting for you to wake up." The dragon bent closer, and Toshiro leaned in instinctively towards the dragon's maul for protection from the storm.

One of Toshiro's hand brushed over the top of the dragon's head. "That's strange you know. You're a huge old dragon, and I should be afraid of you, but I'm not."

Two read eyes looked right into his own. "Do you think people should be afraid of you?"

" _No_ ," was the thought which crossed Toshiro's mind, but for some reason this no felt like some kind of lie he was telling himself, and he leaned in closer to the dragon. "I think my answer should be I don't want people to be afraid of me." The young taicho closed his eyes again to the blackness, and he let a breath escape his lips. "Is that why I don't want to wake up Hyorinmaru? Outside there, do I make people afraid?"

The dragon remained silent for a good deal of time. "You make some people afraid, but not everybody."

"Like who? Who do I not make afraid?" Toshiro looked up at the dragon, and pushed his lips together in frustration. A thought crossed his mind. " _Granny_?"

"Good. Who else do you recollect."

"Is this really important Hyorinmaru?"

"It's important."

"Momo-nee I guess." Toshiro tried looking away, but he found himself pushing back the thought of said person. "I don't want to think about her."

"There are many reasons you don't want to. Who else?"

"Kurosaki? Taicho..." Toshiro's eyes widened as he looked up at the dragon. "If I wake up, does this mean I get to catch up with taicho again?"

"Who knows. He's in the living world though, and not soul society."

Toshiro took a deep breath. "Do I have to wake up?"

The dragon stared for a bit before asking a question of his own. "Before I answer that question, is there nothing out there which you are looking forward to?"

"There are things I look forward to, but there are a ton of things I don't. Do I have to wake up?"

"No, you don't. You can, if you want go to sleep forever."

The young taicho narrowed his eyes, or he thought he narrowed his eyes. "But what does that mean to you? If I go to sleep forever doesn't this mean you have to go to sleep forever as well."

"Yes, but for you I'd be willing to do so."

Toshiro thought he left out a deep sigh as one of his bone thin hands reached up to touch the top of dragon's head. "I think I've made up my mind."

…

Ichigo's foot tapped the floor as he waited for a call from Ryuken letting hm know that the young taicho came out of surgery. He took a deep breath for another time while Rukia shook her head at such action. His phone went off, and he ripped out the device to answer the call. A smile lit across his face. "Sorry Rangiku, I've not heard anything as of yet. How'd you get my number."

Rukia coughed into her coffee. "Rangiku had me text her your phone number. She wanted to get a hold of you without having to use my soul phone.."

"Alright. I'll save the number, and give you a call when Toshiro is out of surgery. Actually, no... I'm not in the hospital right now." Ichigo explained to Rangiku how he made a promise, and promised that he would contact Rangiku as soon as he got the call. He set the phone down, and began to tap his foot again as he waited. Another call came, and another smile spread across his face. "Toshiro's out of surgery."

Ichigo dialed Rangiku's phone number, and told the woman her small taicho was out of surgery. The orange haired teen stood up, and headed back to the room with Rukia. The two sat there waiting for Toshiro to wake up. Ichigo looked up every so often to see that his companion looked uncomfortable, and he gave her a half smile. He turned his head back to look at the young taicho.

"He's going to wake up soon, isn't he?" Rukia finally looked up at the ceiling. "I mean, isn't it weird that Hitsugaya Taicho isn't awake yet?"

"I don't know. This is brain surgery after all. I also think people take different times to come out from the medicine keeping them asleep for the surgery."

"Oh."

The teen leaned back, and waited. Every so often he would look over the young boy, and finally he watched as two bright teal eyes flickered open. Ichigo moved over as a big grin spread across his face, and finally Toshiro's eyes snapped open. A grimace spread across the young taicho's face. "You can wipe that smug look off your face already Kurosaki. It's rather annoying.

A laugh escaped Ichigo's mouth. "It's good to see you awake to Toshiro. It's also good to see you back in your usual mood." The orange haired teen watched as the young taicho stared at him, but didn't say anything. "What? Cat got your tongue? I know there is something that you want to say."

"Shut up. You're way to cheerful."

"I didn't know you were such a grumpus when you wake up." Ichigo continued speaking. "Oh wait, I already did as you've stayed here." The teen watched as Toshiro glared due to being unable to do anything else. "I'm happy because you seem to be doing better. Is there anything wrong with that?"


	34. Entering a New Phase

**Cancer  
** _ **?**_

Toshiro's eyes snapped open to see Kurosaki Ichigo staring down at him. The young taicho's mouth twisted down in frustration while his eyes narrowed. The other place he found himself not liking was the sensation of air touching a good portion of the top of his head. Two bright teal eyes blinked a couple of times. The young taicho's throat felt dry, but he still attempted to speak. "You can wipe that smug look off your face already Kurosaki. It's rather annoying."

Realization hit really quick that the words came out of his mouth unhindered. " _Well, that was impolite of you._ " Thoughts ran through Toshiro's mind in a quick manner, faster then they had before, but in a way that still frustrated the young taicho. " _Are you really that upset at the fact Kurosaki and the others spoiled you? No, it's actually an issue of not being treated like a child, and the fact I need to be treated as my rank calls for._ "

" _Is that though what you really want?_ " Hyorinmaru hummed in the back of his head, and his voice came with more ease then the last few days.

" _What I want doesn't matter, so there is no point in even thinking of such things._ " Toshiro watched as Ichigo continued to remain cheerful, and the orange haired teens cheerfulness for some reason stung. Toshiro found himself speaking again uninhibited. "Shut up. You're way to cheerful."

" _You're reacting because you're jealous young master, but there is no reason to feel jealous because Kurosaki Ichigo is happy. You can be as well. You simply need to let go of this idea that you're not allowed to feel anything._ "

Toshiro swallowed, and turned his head away as Ichigo continued to jibe at him. The young taicho felt his mouth push together, and his frustrations continued to grow. A sudden feeling rushed over. " _What reason do I need to feel frustrated. I am better, so no more of this special treatment needs to go on._ " He also heard Ichigo ask him if there was anything wrong about being pleased that he was doing better. "I'm sorry."

"Say what?"

"You heard me." Toshiro turned his head back to glare at the teen. "I honestly don't get why you're pleased that I'm doing better, but it is your right to feel that way." The young taicho watched as Ichigo sighed, and Toshiro read a very clear look of frustration on the orange haired teens face. "What? What did I do wrong this time?"

"A lot of people care about you Toshiro. I wish you would realize that."

The young taicho watched as Kuchiki Rukia's eyes blinked a couple of times. "Hitsugaya Taicho? Do you remember what I said to you while Ichigo was out of the room."

" _What she said to me? I don't remember her saying anything special. All she did was..._ " Toshiro felt a deep heat set into his cheeks, and the tips of his ears. " _Don't_ ever do _that_ again."

"Do what?"

"Neither one of you, don't treat me like some child who needs to be smothered with kindness." Toshiro watched as Rukia's face fell, and Ichigo's face continued to look frustrated. Realization hit hard, and Toshiro felt his facial features soften. "I'm sorry." A deep breath filled his lungs. "I do realize both of you mean well, but I can't be seen being treated like a child. I'll lose what little respect I have from my division."

"Toshiro, your division actually respects you a great deal. From what I heard by word of mouth, they were impressed you didn't back down, and continued to battle." Ichigo pulled his chair back over, and sat down with his arms crossed. The orange haired teens brown eyes though screamed that something was making the new taicho of the tenth division upset.

The young taicho stared for what felt like a long time, and then cleared his throat. "You don't seem happy though. Why is it that they're impressed, but you're not."

"It's not that I'm not impressed. I've always been impressed with what you do." Ichigo tried forcing himself to smile. "I just wish you would take more care of yourself. We almost lost you during battle, and we almost lost you now."

"That's what I was trying to tell you when I asked you to remember what I said."

"You said something about _it_ being from everybody..." Toshiro felt his mouth slow down. "... in Soul Society." The young taicho watched the two look at each other with smiles on their faces as if he'd finally got something. Somehow the energy which refused to let his arms move was suddenly there, and the young taicho reached up to touch the top of his head. Toshiro quickly felt the color drain from his face as his fingers brushed against skin rather then hair, and with the hair was a bandage.

The young taicho swallowed, and then looked away. Ichigo cleared his throat and moved a little closer. "You're bothered by the fact your hair's gone, aren't you?"

"Say what?" Toshiro chocked out the words, and even felt himself splutter. "It's not as if I care about my stupid hair. It's an awful color. It's not that bad."

"I think you look good with the color hair you have." Rukia glanced around.

The young taicho looked around the room, and then let out a sigh. "If you're looking for that stuffed animal, I'm actually glad he's gone."

Ichigo cleared his throat. "We actually didn't realize Kon was gone. That's not actually a good thing."

"Why?"

"He's a pervert." Rukia frowned. "He's likely trying to get a look at cute nurses. I'll go find him before he gets into trouble."

The female pulled out a piece of soul candy, and popped it into her mouth. Toshiro watched as the female fukutaicho turned to her gigai. "Hey, stay here with Hitsugaya Taicho and Ichigo. I need to find Kon before he causes major trouble."

"Roger!" Chappy saluted at Rukia, and then turned her head towards Toshiro. "Why are you in a hospital bed."

"I was sick, but I'm better now." The words came out of Toshiro's mouth quickly, and soon he found himself regretting the action. Chappy lunged at him, and he found himself wrapped into a hug by the replacement soul, and he felt his cheeks heat up. In his embarrassment he didn't hear what Ichigo said to Chappy, but did see Ichigo pull Chappy off the young taicho, and soon Chappy was hanging onto the orange haired teen.

"Seriously..." Ichigo let out a deep sigh. "Your fukutaicho called. She's likely to visit soon."

Toshiro narrowed his eyes. "I don't want her to visit. I don't want her to see me like this."

"I don't think she'll put up with that." The orange haired teen took a deep breath. "What about you're girlfriend?"

A rush of feelings poured into Toshiro's head, and the memories made the young taicho flinch. "Please. Don't let Karin come see me here." The young taicho looked down at the sheets on his bed, and his hands gripped them so tight that his white knuckles showed through. "Please."

"Rangiku-san was right." Rukia's voice made Toshiro's head dart up to see her returning with a grumpy Kon. "You _are_ reacting the way she feared you would. I get the fact you don't want to be a burden to Karin-chan, but you're also being a burden to her by not letting her in." The female glanced at Ichigo. "Sometimes there are burdens which are meant to be shared between two people."

Toshiro tilted his head to the side, but he couldn't figure out the words. "I don't really get what you mean."

A laugh escaped Ichigo's mouth. "Don't worry. You'll get it eventually."

"Still..." The young taicho still tried to protest having Karin come and visit. "To have Karin visit..."

"Is something you'll let happen." Another persons voice made Toshiro look up at the door.


	35. Visiting Truth

**Cancer  
** _ **Visiting Truth**_

Rangiku held the papers in her hand letting her know that permission to go to the world of the living. The fukutaicho of the tenth division grasped the papers to her chest as a smile spread across her face. She headed out of the office past a few of the lower division members. "I'm off to the world of the living."

The soldiers in question blinked a couple of times. "Wait? Whose going to be doing all of the paperwork while you're gone?"

The busty female stopped short, and turned to look at the two men. "What do you mean?"

"Nobodies seen Hitsugaya Taicho in a few days. We've even noticed that you've been doing all the paperwork despite the fact you hate doing so."

"Htsugaya Taicho didn't get in trouble with the higher ups for losing his Bankai, did he?"

"No. Let's just say he's taking a nice vacation for once." Rangiku continued to smile despite the sinking feeling she felt in her chest. She turned to leave having felt the earlier glee disappear. " _I can't tell them Hitsugaya Taicho's ill. They would be devastated to find that out, particularly since he's quite grown on them during the last battle. Not that taicho actually noticed._ "

Rangiku pushed her mind to getting to the world of the living, and headed straight to the hospital to see the small taicho. A smile spread across her face when she arrived. "Hi. I'm here to see Hitsugaya Toshiro. Are the visiting hours still open?"

The nurse looked up at the woman. "You mean the young man who just had surgery for the brain tumor? He's on a strict visitation list."

The fukutaicho felt the corner of her mouth twitch. " _Someone had better have remembered to place me on that list. I'll blame that former taicho of ours if I'm not._ " Rangiku pushed away the frustration. "I'm actually Matsumoto Rangiku."

The woman looked down at her list, and then a smile spread across her face. "Oh, you're the aunt who wasn't able to get here in time for the surgery. Go right on in. You're actually allowed to visit during non-visiting hours."

Rangiku breathed a sigh of relief. " _Looks like I'll need to thank a certain someone instead._ "

The woman headed back to the room where her young taicho was staying, and heard her young taicho speaking to Ichigo and Rukia. Rangiku heard the voice of the of the other fukutaicho first. "You _are_ reacting the way she feared you would. I get the fact you don't want to be a burden to Karin-chan, but you're also being a burden to her by not letting her in. Sometimes there are burdens which are meant to be shared between two people."

The strawberry blond felt the corners of her mouth twist up. " _Is there something going on between Ichigo and Rukia that they're not talking about._ "

"I don't really get what you mean."

Rangiku let a sigh escape her lips at the usual response from her small taicho, and heard Ichigo speak up next. "Don't worry. You'll get it eventually."

" _Are they talking about what I think they're talking about?_ " The female felt a smile spread across her face.

"Still... to have Karin visit..."

The fukutaicho of the tenth felt the time came to reveal herself, and she stepped around the corner.

"Is something you'll let happen." Rangiku watched as her small taicho looked up at her from his bed, and she felt her smile fall upon seeing the top of the young taicho's head. She quickly stepped over, and pulled the boy into her arms, and thankfully felt an instant struggle indicating he wasn't pleased with the reaction.

"Matsumoto!"

"I'm not going to let go." One of Rangiku's thin delicate hands went up to touch the top of the boy's head. "That beautiful hair of yours, it's gone."

"As I told Kurosaki, it's an awful hair color. I kind of wish..."

"Don't you dare say that." Rangiku 's hands drifted down to the boy's face so she could turn his face to look at her. She began to pull on his cheeks much in the same manner she did prior to Toshiro becoming a captain.

Two small, bone thin hands reached up to grab her wrists. "Stop it. This is not an appropriate action for a fukutaicho towards their taicho Matusomo."

The strawberry blond felt her cheeks puff up slightly in frustration, but Ichigo for some reason managed to say the right thing. "I don't know. I think that's an appropriate reaction for a fukutaicho to take if their taicho's doing something stupid. Didn't you tell me Rukia that Ise Nanao hits her taicho over the head whenever he does something stupid? You said she still does it despite the fact he's now the head taicho."

Rangiku bit back a laugh as the color drained from her small taicho's face. "Now isn't that something."

"Matsumoto..."

"Don't Matumoto me. You heard your fellow taicho. It's completely alright for me to do something like this when your well being is involved." Rangiku's hands drifted down to the small boy's boney shoulders. "Speaking of which..." Her tone of voice became more serious. "How are you feeling taicho?"

"Matsumoto..."

"Just answer her Toshiro."

"Right now I feel fine. It's as if nothing happened."

"So there are no side effects to the surgery?" Rangiku almost brightened up, but this time Ichigo said the thing she didn't want to hear.

"Sorry Rangiku-san, but it's honestly to soon to tell whether there is any side effects yet. It takes anywhere from a week to eight weeks to recover. Uncle..."

Toshiro's eyes quickly widened as his small hands came up to push Rangiku's hands away from his shoulder. "What? Do you mean to say I'm going to b stuck in bed for an entire week? That I can't just go and get back to work?"

"Don't worry taicho. All of the paperwork is done." Rangiku watched two bright teal eyes narrow into a glare. "What?"

"Matsumoto, when do you ever do paperwork?"

The strawberry blond had a quick response to Toshiro's question. "When do you ever get sick like this? As far as the division is concerned you're on vacation."

"Isn't..." Rukia cleared her throat. "Isn't a couple of months a rather long time to be on some vacation."

"Yes Matsumoto, a couple of months is a very long time to be on vacation."

Rangiku watched as the small taicho looked away. "Hey, what's going on."

"Nothing. Don't worry about it Matsumoto." Toshiro looked away.

"Why don't I leave you two alone so you guys can talk?"

Rangiku glanced up at Ichigo, and watched as Rukia grabbed a certain stuffed animal. "I'd like that."

"I wouldn't."

The woman turned to look at her small taicho. "Why ever not?"

"Because... this means there's something we need to talk about, but I don't want to."

Rangiku took a deep breath. "Well, what is bothering you taicho." She watched the young taicho look away. "Say, what would you like to do when you get out of here?" This comment made the young taicho turn his head to look at her, and something told her she'd for some reason said the wrong thing. "What?"

"I want to get back to my duties."

The strawberry blond felt her frustration suddenly boil over, and her hand rose up to slap the boy across the face. Her hand stopped a few inches away from Toshiro's face, and Rangiku felt her lip quiver at the sight of the missing hair, and bandage on top of his head.

Two bright teal eyes looked her right in the eye. "Look, I honestly don't understand why people are trying to spoil me. I _really_ messed up this time, and wouldn't even be in this mess had I done what I should have done. Actually, a lot of people wouldn't be where they are if it weren't for me. So honestly, you shouldn't have held back on hitting me."

Rangiku let out a shudder, and instead her hand reached out to caress the child's soft cheek. "Taicho, you really don't understand, do you? You don't understand how important, and precious you are to everyone?

"Why? I always mess up." Toshiro's eyes darted down, but he didn't try to push Rangiku's hand away. One small hand reached up to touch hers, and she could feel how tired he still was.

"You're all I've got left." Rangiku watched as Toshiro's eyes darted up to look at her, and the young taicho's jaw began to stammer, but no words came out. "You know full well I lost Gin a couple of years ago, so..." She heard the boy's breath draw in tight. "What? What is it taicho?"

Toshiro visibly swallowed, and then looked away. "I saw him. I saw Gin."

"Taicho, Gin is dead. He's not coming back. We've discussed this before, and I don't wish to have this conversation with you again."

The boy's voice strained. "I know he's gone. I know he's gone like Kaien-dono is to, but that doesn't change the fact I saw both of them. I mean, Kaien-dono turned out to be Kurosaki and all, but I still saw him."

Rangiku felt a cold shudder ran down her spine. "Taicho, did seeing Gin and Kaien bother you?"

"Not Kaien. I mean, that was so long ago." The young taicho flopped onto his bed. "I guess this wasn't so long ago."

"You were closer to Kaien though. You hate Gin, don't you."

"I don't know. I honestly don't."

Rangiku stared at the young taicho, before moving to sit down next to the child. A hand reached out to touch his shoulder making Toshiro look up at her with his bright teal eyes. "You don't want to talk about him, do you?"

"Please?"

"Promise me you'll see Karin-chan at least once?" Rangiku watched the lips of the young taicho move indicating he didn't like what she asked.

He also out right addressed the fact he didn't like what she said. "Why?"

"Why?" Rangiku took a deep breath, and an idea came to her mind. "How would you like it if Karin was sick like you were instead, and she didn't let you see her?" The woman watched as Toshiro's eyes drifted over to the wall, and the woman knew she hit the right cord. "Well, I certainly didn't like it when Gin pushed me away." A chill seeped into the room, and the woman spoke some more. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring him up again taicho."

"Don't be."

"But..."

"I know you only brought him up to bring up a point." Toshiro's head rested on the pillow as if he couldn't quite lift himself up, which in turn meant he wouldn't be going anywhere any time soon. "I'll see Karin." The boy's mouth twisted up slightly. "I actually want to see her, but I don't want to hurt her either." His bright teal eyes turned as his head remained resting on the pillow. "Not letting her come will hurt her more then letting her?"

Rangiku breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes, yes it will."

The woman smiled despite the fact the lovely missing white locks of hair remained a pang in her heart.


	36. Broken Body

**Cancer  
** _ **Visiting Truth**_

Everything felt wrong. Somehow, despite the fact the brain tumor was now gone, the young taicho found himself with a gaping empty feeling, a feeling which simply wouldn't go away. Toshiro's mouth pushed together, and his fingers clenched painfully. Speaking to Rangiku brought up a lot of emotions the young taicho honestly didn't wish to feel, and the fact shinigami weren't supposed to feel emotions rattled around in the back of his head.

Rangiku always knew how to push his buttons, telling him Karin visiting, "is something you'll let happen." His bright teal eyes took in the hurt expression on her face and knew seeing him hurt her, making Toshiro realize he'd yet again hurt someone dear to him. This, in turn, made the young taicho think about his weakness, the thoughts beating away at the back of his head.

The next feeling, embarrassment...

Rangiku pulling on his cheeks left a warm fuzzy feeling, the kind Toshiro preferred to push away whenever he could. " _This feeling, I never really felt comfortable with it, except for when granny was involved._ "

"Don't Matsumoto me. You heard your fellow taicho. It's completely alright for me to do something like this when your well-being is involved." Rangiku then told him she'd finished the paperwork. Toshiro felt a sickening feeling, the idea that his lazy, strawberry blonde fukutaicho would actually do her work baffling him.

"Matsumoto, when do you ever do paperwork?"

The response from Toshiro's fukutaicho stung. "When do you ever get sick like this? As far as the division is concerned, you're on vacation."

A burning feeling settled into Toshiro's throat, Rangiku's words sending a shiver down his spine. " _Seriously? There is no way the division members will buy that after a few months have passed._ " The young taicho looked away, his top teeth worrying his bottom lip. Toshiro found himself unable to explain things to Rangiku, about why the entire experience worried him. " _I worked so hard, and now..._ "

"You're being forced to take a break. This is actually good for you, young master."

The fukutaicho and new taicho of the thirteenth division left the two, allowing Rangiku to speak with him in a more private manner, and yet everything felt way out of his comfort zone. " _I don't want to talk, though._ "

" _This comes down to the fact you're trying to avoid thinking about the change to your life._ "

The first thing out of Rangiku's mouth was to ask what he wanted to do, and what came out of the young taicho's mouth was pure honesty. "I want to get back to my duties."

Something, a strange and eerie feeling, made the young taicho look up at this fukutaicho in time to see her attempt to slap him across the face, a painful feeling lurching through his stomach. Toshiro swallowed, the pained look in Rangiku's pale blue eyes adding to his own pain. "I've done something wrong."

Words came out of his mouth, a sticky, warm sweat hitting him at the back of his neck, and lower, the feeling of something running up and down his arms indicating the emotion felt was guilt, a feeling Toshiro hated with a passion. He attempted to satiate Rangiku's hurt feelings but failed. Instead, the young taicho found his fukutaicho attempting to make him feel better, but the sting only grew.

"Why? I always mess up." Toshiro looked Rangiku in the eye, letting her hand rest on his cheek. The young taicho wanted to scream at her, telling her that he hated feeling useless and that the soothing touch of her hand, he felt he didn't deserve the comfort. Somehow the conversation switched to Gin and nothing felt like it would get better.

Somehow Rangiku convinced him to see Karin again, and she stroked his soft cheek again before kissing him on the forehead. Toshiro felt heat rush to his cheeks, and the tips of his ears. "She's holding back on me."

" _You're still not well young master._ "

Rangiku left, his entire body feeling nauseated and tired. Toshiro flopped back, his thin frame hitting the pillows, his aching muscles relaxing, his bright teal eyes staring up at the ceiling. His thoughts clouded around, and his lips parted. "Wait. I didn't tell Rangiku that..."

A hot heat spread across the young taicho's face, realization hitting him regarding one of the events which occurred over the last few days. The feeling, the emotion, Toshiro couldn't place how he felt. Remembering the fact Karin was now his girlfriend felt like embarrassment, but the urge to protect and not hurt her hung heavy on his mind.

His fingers tightened around the bedsheets, Toshiro's head tilted to the side. "What the hell have I gotten myself into."

Exhaustion wracked his thin frame, and soon a nurse came to give him medicine to help with the pain. Toshiro's eyes hung half open, realizing that his head hurt, and he wished to reach up to scratch the top of his head which had begun to itch. His thin hand felt Ichigo's calloused fingers pull his hand away, and a sigh escaped his lips as he drifted to sleep.

His eyes snapped open, his body feeling refreshed after having napped for so many hours, but nausea hit the pit of his stomach. Toshiro's bright teal eyes drifted over to a chair and saw a familiar strawberry blonde sitting in the chair. A smile spread across the young taicho's lips upon realizing Rangiku fell asleep where she sat, only to form into a frown realizing how tired and worried the woman seemed.

A sigh escaped Toshiro's lips, and he attempted to push the sheets away, the need to use the restroom hitting him hard. His feet swung over with ease, his body relaxing at the thoughts of getting back to normal. Toshiro's toes touched the cold floor, and his eyes snapped shut, the joy of feeling the cold floor sending a delightful shudder of pleasure down his spine. A groan left his lips, and he let the bottoms of his feet settle to the ground, his arms pushing his thin frame away from the bed, so he stood on his feet.

The sensation of falling hit him in the gut, and a sharp sound slipped from his lips as Toshiro's small body toppled to the ground. A curse escaped his lips, the feeling of one of his ankles twisting underneath him sending uncontrollable shakes through his arms. Vomit flooded from his mouth, the bitter taste making his head throb. The scraping of a chair came from behind him, and Rangiku's soft footsteps indicated his fukutaicho was coming to his rescue.

Toshiro felt her delicate hand grab his arm, and out of the corner of his eye, he watched her sit down next to him. Rangiku quickly pulled him into her arms, the panic racking his body subsiding. "It's alright taicho."

"No, it's not. My body isn't working right. It's still not working right."

"I'm not going to give up on you, alright? So don't you dare give up on yourself. It's going to take time."

The young taicho leaned into her chest, his mouth sticky from his stomach emptying onto the floor is eyes closing slightly. "Time. I don't have the time. They're going to figure out something's seriously wrong, once I don't return after a couple of weeks. I'm..."

Rangiku reached up to ruffle his hair but stopped. A sigh escaped her lips, and instead she comforted him by rubbing right between his shoulders, her mouth twitching slightly. "Don't worry about what others think for once. Just worry about getting better."

Toshiro thought to mention the fact seeing Karin might not be the best idea, but a hot heat spread through his cheeks, the young taicho remembering why he'd attempted to get out of bed. A shudder ran down his spine, and Toshiro felt Rangiku tense up. "This has got to be the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me."

The strawberry blonde rested her head against his. "Don't worry. I won't repeat this to anyone. This isn't your fault either, you know."

"Really? I can't take care of myself. I couldn't take care of myself before, but now..." Toshiro's eyes snapped shut, and yet he couldn't help but feel grateful it was Rangiku who went to get the nurses for him rather than Ichigo or Rukia. A variety of emotions still rushed over him.


End file.
